Since some men have delurked...

Avatar for cl_shywon
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Since some men have delurked...
14
Sat, 01-28-2006 - 11:35pm

I have a question for you guys who have come out of the woodwork lately (and those who have been hiding for a few weeks).


Is there really such a thing as a shy man?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-28-2006
Mon, 01-30-2006 - 12:36am

It could be he is shy...but I don't think so. Being newly back in the dating scene I don't believe in playing games...not calling after you say you would...not answering the phone so they leave a message and then you call them back a day (or so) later...same goes with email and txt'ing. I don't believe in that stuff, just be honest and don't "play" the games. According to my friends...they won't call just see if she calls them first. If it's been a week, I may give a call...but again if they wanted to, then he would have. Maybe just give a call or leave a vm saying "Hi...give me call if you want to do something this weekend." But keep it short and to the point. If he answers let him direct the convo. Put the ball in his court and leave it at that. If he doesn't call back then you know he isn't interested and you move on. Atleast that's what my friends tell me I should do...but we aren't in the same situation...but similar in a sense.

Good luck.

-me

Avatar for cl_shywon
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Mon, 01-30-2006 - 7:37am

I'd have called him last week if I had his number.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-21-2005
Mon, 01-30-2006 - 8:54am

It's funny you should mention this because lately I've been kind of pondering the same thing.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2005
Mon, 01-30-2006 - 8:56am
I do know this feeling sometimes. People will say things like "maybe you're too picky" or "maybe you're not giving guys a chance" but it's like you don't even have the opportunity to give someone a chance, much less be picky about it.
Avatar for cl_shywon
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Mon, 01-30-2006 - 8:19pm

Exactly.

Avatar for cl_shywon
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Mon, 01-30-2006 - 8:23pm

Yep.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-27-2004
Tue, 01-31-2006 - 12:29am
Agreed, I think men are just getting more and more fearful of approaching women for fear of rejection and women fear approaching men because we are told that if we do, we are being too aggressive and we should let the guys approach us if they are interested. Sometimes I just don't know what advice I should be listening to from which books or if I should just go with what's inside me and not listen to any advice. Sometimes all the things we read about do more harm than good and put more silly notions in our heads, then we get too scared to be real with the other person and feel like we have to play games to be liked. In this day and age dating is more frustrating that it's ever been it seems!
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2005
Tue, 01-31-2006 - 10:08am
I agree. I'm sure there are men out there that get just as fed up as we do.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-27-2004
Tue, 01-31-2006 - 10:44am
If they are fed up, it doesn't last long for them.
For a man, you miss one opportunity, another one is right around the corner within the next week.
We out number them far too great.
I knew a guy who had his eye on one woman and that didn't pan out. She didn't feel the same. Within the next week or so, he was asking my advice about someone else.
Geesh Louise.
That's why I try not to build my hopes over one man. They're too fickle. One minute you're the hottie they want to know and then next minute, there's someone else even hotter they want to know.
Not pursuing any man. Nope. Not me.
Avatar for mhash
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Tue, 01-31-2006 - 2:42pm

My take is that this is not "shy" behavior. For me putting a label on the behavior, whether you call it "shy" or "scared" or whatever, does not matter. The bottom line is that he does not call you. I don't usually have the patience if the other person is not really ready to want to establish some sort of relationship with me. I am willing to put up with some emailing back-and-forth with newbie women who are scared of talking to strange men on the Internet but ultimately I want to talk and meet them (all those I correspond with are local) else I move on.

Mark

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