Some thoughts on the friend thing

Avatar for cl_shywon
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Some thoughts on the friend thing
37
Sun, 12-10-2006 - 10:59am

We had a couple of threads recently about friends who disappear when they start dating someone.

Avatar for cl_shywon
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Sun, 12-10-2006 - 4:11pm

The whole "wedding" thing didn't even register with me until bbw mentioned it.

Avatar for cfk_3
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-1999
Sun, 12-10-2006 - 4:11pm
How exciting and right here at the holidays!!! Would it be an imposition if I asked how you two met?
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-01-2005
Sun, 12-10-2006 - 11:07pm
We met on online but not a dating site. Pretty random and unplanned and then we met in person and its been us ever since.

Photobucket


iVillage Member
Registered: 11-01-2005
Sun, 12-10-2006 - 11:17pm

Yeah that whole blissful period of just enjoying the moment before the planning will be shortlived before the real planning starts since we plan to be married by October. I'm looking forward to it though. Just hoping it isnt too stressful while I'm trying to finish up my grad school stuff this semester.

I only talk about R with people I know wont get weird about it. The people I've had more trouble with are people I'm not even friends with but casual aquaintances or classmates (and these people are also attached)...mostly because they dont seem to be happy people and just want to be rude and obnoxious. Whatever, thats on them as their behavior is entirely unprovoked. Which is why I dont say anything...I dont think I deserve grief because I'm happy.

Im happy things are going well for you too, it sounds like you're in a good place right now. I miss Jules too, have you heard from her at all?

Photobucket


Avatar for cl_shywon
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Sun, 12-10-2006 - 11:22pm

I emailed her last week and she's doing fine.

Avatar for cfk_3
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-1999
Sun, 12-10-2006 - 11:30pm
How romantic : )
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-27-2004
Mon, 12-11-2006 - 12:51am
I know what you mean. I don't talk to my single friends too much about my new boyfriend. They will ask but I'll keep it sweet and simple. I haven't talked to my good friend much about him either (the one that lost her dad recently) because of how much she has expressed that she felt like I was abandoning her. It's kind of difficult being on the other side as well sometimes. The last thing I want to do is to make people feel like I'm rubbing things in because that's not at all what I'm doing. I just want to express my happiness sometimes.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-07-2003
Mon, 12-11-2006 - 9:58pm

I definitely censor too depending on whom I'm around. The friend I spent Saturday with had no interest in hearing about my new (4 month) relationship, but insisted on talking about her ex from several years ago that she is still in contact with.

As far as posting about relationships on this single life board - I agree that it is hard to post about good things without making others feel bad, and hard to post about bad things without making the relationship seem like something that should be ended (because you only talk about the bad). What I do find interesting is people's experiences with building their new relationships - Amount of phone contact, seeing each other, meeting friends and family, saying "I love you", etc. It's nice to see what works and gives a good example of a healthy progressing relationship.

I sometimes think that Ivillage needs a board where people who have recently developed a good relationship can give advice to those who haven't yet.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-16-2005
Tue, 12-12-2006 - 9:53am
Well with all due respect I can't get behind that as a reason to ditch your friends. You hang around with friends not to just talk about men do you??? I know I don't. I hang out with my friends because we have shared interests well beyond men. While it's true we sometimes talk about men, it's rather shallow to assume our entire time is consumed with discussing getting men, dating men, etc. Just because I'm single doesn't mean my entire focus is surrounding getting hitched, it most certainly is not, I have more interests than that and most of the time when I am with my friends we don't even talk about that. I've been married before and while married I never ditched any friends and most of the time we never talked about dating, husbands or anything. I never felt sorry for her because she was single and I never felt as though she thought I was rubbing it in because I was married. We were friends. Friends don't do that to each other, so it would never cross my mind. I do admire people with better bodies. I don't know about anyone else. I think good for them. They worked harder then me to get it.

Smile,

Deirdre

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-30-2004
Tue, 12-12-2006 - 10:13am
It could also be a time thing. It's often hard to find the time to fit everyone in. I know in my situation I'm often torn because I have kids, a job, friends and a man. How do I fit everyone in? I have limited time with my man due to work and kids so I'm always trying to fit in lunch or coffee with my girlfriends when our work schedules get us together. Alot of times it's just a difficult adjustment period. And of course you do have to sacrifice SOME in order to make your relationship grow.