Some thoughts on the friend thing
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Some thoughts on the friend thing
| Sun, 12-10-2006 - 10:59am |
We had a couple of threads recently about friends who disappear when they start dating someone.
| Sun, 12-10-2006 - 10:59am |
We had a couple of threads recently about friends who disappear when they start dating someone.
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Smile,
Deirdre
I think that may be an issue with your friend and not you. If your friend cannot be geniunely happy for you, who is somewhat resentful, than maybe she has her own issues. You know? I think this may be the exception and not the norm.
Obviously anytime you have to split your time between more people it's going to change but I have had friendships completely end practically because a man was in the picture, there are women who can't do it at ALL and I don't agree that it's because they don't want to rub it in, it's because they just can't do it, they view friendships as a means until the man comes into the picture, a stepping stone as you will until the "couple" friendships are in place and have no room for single friends. I've had it happen to many times for it not to be true.
I've been married. I've been able to manage single friends, married friends, engaged friends and friends with children with no trouble at all. You just need to make an effort and when you are with the people you are with give them the attention. There is nothing more annoying than when you are with a friend having lunch she's on her phone texting, calling her boyfriend. If you can't spend an hour with your friend having lunch and hang out then don't bother. You know? That hour away from your boyfriend/husband etc won't kill you. (generic you, not biochic you).
Smile,
Deirdre
I do think you need to find a healthy balance. Friends should not be stepping stones until you find a boyfriend because that is not healthy. You need to have friends in your life regardless of whether you are single, in a relationship or married. People who cut out all their friends and get so engrossed in their relationships eventually will realize that they made a mistake because you need several support systems and people in your life and your significant other can't be your only support. No one person can fulfill that role. Besides your good friends are there through thick and thin and through relationships and breakups so sacrificing that is not good.
Did I say that I ditch my friends?
Right...and when kids come into the picture, you don't ever see that friend again.
I think that if someone has a healthy outlook on life, the time thing might be an issue.
Edited 12/12/2006 9:10 pm ET by lovinhockey17
Smile,
Deirdre
It was this line that made me think you were speaking directly about me:
You hang around with friends not to just talk about men do you?
I didn't take that as a collective "you."
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