Something's Gotta Give

Avatar for cfk_3
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-1999
Something's Gotta Give
8
Sun, 10-06-2013 - 4:10pm

I can't change the channel when this movie is on.  It was on late one night this week and I watched it for the 4th or 5th time.  For the first time, I noticed that Diane Keaton's character, though she clearly didn't understand, didn't judge Jack Nicholson's character based on one or two things she didn't favor about him.  Even if they were things that some of us (myself included) might deem as deal breakers.  Has anyone else noticed this about her character?  She acknowledges certain things and even discusses them with him (though briefly) but then seems to file it away, moving forward with an open mind.  Even until the very end when she takes him back after he's abandoned her for six months.  I guess the most interesting revelation (to me) about this was, I didn't feel I lost any respect for her character because of it.  I didn't see her as a pushover or door mat.  Maybe because it's just a character in a movie?  I don't know . . . do you think it's because she is older and she feels she's just going to take what she can get/enjoy being in the moment or do you think that is who she was as a person?  Not that it matters, it's a tad yuck outside and I am admittedly bored.  I think I need to go take some cinema courses :)

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2008
Sun, 10-06-2013 - 6:40pm

Hi CFK.. Long time no see.. HOpe you are doing well and school is good and all of that jazz.

Okay now to your post and yes I think Diane settled somewhat  although I would think at some point settling will have to take place... Only speaking for myself but at some point me being 59 and looks are fading  and all and it is such a superficial society I know that if someone comes along who doesnt fit my whole criteria I will settle.. Now that doesnt mean he is going to be a serial killer or abuser or anything but it wont be what I would have done years and years ago.

You know life changes, people grow and change and things just turn different....

You remember the biker guy I met at the club in the summertime and we made out in parking lot and he took me for a ride on his motorcycle;  Well he was overweight and short and never married with no kids and had a blue collar job and wasnt too smart  but he had some nurturing qualities that I admired and that is what attracted me to him.. Not his looks or weight or height and to me that was fine.. and if he would have called to go out I would have gone . Now years ago I probably wouldnt have given him a second thought because for one I dont enjoy unhealthy people and short men dont turn me on but this is now and yes living in the moment is the way to go..................

I do think alot of people  are  way too picky and when you start doing that and picking it all apart because of this or that one will def. remain alone. Its just the Laws of the Universe.. Not that I have a bunch of guys on the line or even one but that is the way it is..So at this stage of life I am not looking for the smartest guy with money or even a guy with a great job or a house or whatever because I have evolved so much in this last year and those things dont mean much to me anymore....Not even looking to be wowed or any type of goo goo ga ga love or romantic thing because to attain that would be a true miracle and these days I dont believe much in miracles.. Not that it cant happen but being more realistic and less expectations about it....

Just saying!!!!

 

 

Community Leader
Registered: 07-16-2001
Sun, 10-06-2013 - 9:20pm
You made it in!! Yay!! I have to agree with you, although I can't stand that movie. In fact, I don't like Jack Nicholson at all so I've never watched it. However- I think I get your point. We've got to overlook some bad things to get to the good. Nobody's perfect, and we're all going to do stupid things when it comes to relationships. It's just a matter of deciding how much stupidity you're willing to tolerate.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Sun, 10-06-2013 - 10:28pm

I liked that movie too although I only saw it when it was in theaters long ago so I can't say that I remember everything that vividly.  (And Shy, you can dislike Jack N., but you can't say that you don't like a movie if you've never seen it.)  I wouldn't say that she settles for Jack because she was already dating the younger guy & left him for Jack--so it's not like she had to settle.  She already had a handsome young doctor, but they weren't meant to be together.  I do think that as we get older, we realize that no one is perfect and are more able to accept people for who they are.  Like I have some friends who I don't see eye to eye with on everything but if they are basically nice people and treat me well and we have fun together, I can overlook some things and still accept them.  I don't want to call it settling because that has a bad connotation.  Maybe you just realize that you are not going to get perfection in any one person, so you look for the things that are most important to you and you can overlook some less important things, as Free said maybe height, maybe looks or the person doesn't have the perfect job or something like that.  I also think that we make emotional connections with people that aren't logical.  Haven't we met a guy who "looks good on paper"--nothing is really wrong with him, but somehow there is just no connection--but there are other people that you meet and instantly you just like each other?

Avatar for floridagirl52
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-2006
Mon, 10-07-2013 - 8:51am

I only saw the movie once when it came out, so I really don't remember the details. I'd have to say that movie characters can be overly simplified. We don't get to see what happens to these characters in 12 months' time. :) 

I think it's sad when any woman--older or younger--feels like she has to take what she can get regarding men. It's one thing to settle for a house or a job, quite another with your partner. Does this mean you should have an unrealistic checklist and that this person has to meet every criteria or be rejected? Of course not. People have flaws that you have to accept, but it's a matter of degrees. And that's the million dollar question: what is truly a deal-breaker? Perhaps when we get older, we are more accepting of "flaws" we may not have accepted when we were younger. It's funny though: I was too accommodating when I was younger--all to no avail.

I'm reminded of a Leonard Cohen song "Bird on the Wire":
I saw a beggar leaning on his wooden crutch, 
he said to me, "You must not ask for so much." 
And a pretty woman leaning in her darkened door, 
she cried to me, "Hey, why not ask for more?"

I would much rather ask for more out of life.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Mon, 10-07-2013 - 10:38am

I also think it has to do with the degree to which we are happy alone or want to be in a relationship.  Maybe one person says that she will not date a guy who makes less than $100,000/yr because she is a high earner (I'm thinking of a friend of mine).  I wouldn't be so fussy in that department, but then again since I don't make a ton of money I surely don't want a guy who is not self sufficient--so everything in degrees.  Would I prefer a guy who made a lot of money and could pay for a lot of stuff I can't afford?  yeah, if we are dreaming, why not?  But as you said it's not a deal breaker for me.  I was more of a doormat when I was younger too--at this point, the primary deal breaker for me would be a guy who does not treat me well.

Avatar for cfk_3
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-1999
Mon, 10-07-2013 - 12:06pm

Hey Shy, I still can't post using my ipad.  I'm beginning to wonder if it's something on my end because one of my email accounts is being difficult as well.  I am using the computer to post ;)

I typed out a (long) reply to Free last night, and it didn't post.  It was about what you touched on, Music; that she wasn't really settling because Keanu Reeves' character (a doctor) was pursuing her as well.  Which, Jack wasn't even pursuing her - he was just living in the moment. 

If measuring strength, who is the stronger person?  The person who walks away from something that could potentially turn into something meaningful (because of one or two red flags) or the person who looks past the red flags and tests the waters anyway?  Maybe they are both strong in their own right. 

Community Leader
Registered: 07-16-2001
Mon, 10-07-2013 - 7:26pm
Music- I tried to watch it. I really did. I got about 30-45 minutes in and just couldn't stand it anymore! I may have watched it all the way through without paying attention- I can't remember. I do know I tend to not like movies where a woman ends up with a much older guy. There seemed to be a whole bunch of them out at once and it just got old. It probably has to do with the fact that older men pursuing me creeps me out. Anyway... I find that when I try to overlook flaws, there's always someone there telling me not to. I hate that! I'm willing to tolerate things that certain other people aren't (like not making a whole lot of money), but those people are always in my ear telling me that I can do better. I just want to tell them to tell my eggs that, because they aren't getting any younger!
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Mon, 10-07-2013 - 11:11pm

I didn't think that Jack was that much older than Diane (I know that's a song).  In real life, they are only 9 yrs. apart. Remember at the beginning of the movie, he was dating her daughter?  Now that was creepy!  Or maybe you only saw the part where he was dating the DD & thought he would end up with her?

I do think it's gross that in so many movies the stars are something like 20-25 yrs apart and they end up in a romance like that is normal for everyday life.  What I thought was great about this movie was that he did fall for the woman who was close to his age.  As I get older, I really enjoy movies about older age-appropriate couples.  I just saw a good one--it's called Enough Said, starring James Gandolfini and Julia Louis-dreyfus.

I think to a certain extent you have to let what other people say go in one ear & out the other.  Unless you have a very trusted friend who you know gives good advice.