Sometimes things work out for the best

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Sometimes things work out for the best
4
Sun, 10-06-2013 - 1:11pm

Here's another update.  Remember at the end of the summer I went to stay at a beach house, invited by a guy (R) and he never told me he had a girlfriend (M) and it was really awkward?  I ended up realizing that I wouldn't like him anyway but I liked her.  I saw them last night at a dance.  I hardly talked to him at all.  I was there with some girlfriends anyway, so mostly I talked to them--and I was busy dancing.  His foot hurt so he couldn't dance much, and he's a bad dancer.  I talked to M for a while.  Neither one of them is divorced yet and they aren't pleasant divorces, so better them than me.  She was the primary wage earner in her family and her STBX was the primary caretaker of their kids and did a lot of stuff around the house.  She made & saved a lot of money.  She said that several lawyer told her that with a long term marriage the assets are going to be split 50-50.  But she said that R is giving her a hard time about it and basically projecting his issues w/ his STBXW (who is trying to get money from him) onto her.  I told her to tell R that her divorce really isn't his business and she will take care of her divorce and he can take care of his divorce.  They are practically living together and he doesn't sound that easy to live with.  So I'm quite happy that he is with her & not me.  And another reason not to date someone whose divorce isn't final and hasn't been final for a while!

Avatar for cfk_3
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-1999
Sun, 10-06-2013 - 3:43pm

I was going to reply to a few of your posts since my ipad has not been cooperating lately and I am actually using my dinosaur of a desktop today, but I think I'll just touch on all of them here, in one fell swoop, LOL.  First of all, I don't particularly love it when the same individual invites me to church over and over again.  I hope your friend got the point. 

Second, yes it truly bites when you are feeling a guy and you are pretty sure it's not reciprocated in the way you would have hoped.  I'm not going to give advice because I don't think you need it.  What I take from your posts is, you are out there doing something you love and you are meeting new people on a regular basis.  I think that's great!   

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2008
Sun, 10-06-2013 - 6:25pm

I dont know what to say but will say something since like CFK said.. Its raining out and not much going on so here I am..LOL

Well Yes I can relate to what you are saying and guess what?? Remember that guy who lives in Staten Island and we  were kinda friends but I didnt know if he wanted fwb or something ? Well  We spoke on phone and he came to visit me about three times this summer.. Well I never really thought we would date or anything. I just figured it was what it was.. Meanwhile I had known he had a few relationships already since I have known him for about three years now.. So guess what??? He is on his fifth gfriend or something since I know  him and he is flaunting this one once again... So not touching him with a ten foot pole...LOL........Not that I hold that against him but the seems to go through women very quickly.... He actually wrote to me on facebook and said he was coming into my area for the beach on Saturday which was yesterday  and taking his gfriend with him.. Yeah; his gfriend would like it if he just dropped by here to see me.. How stupid is that??.. I guess I am a bit jealous and not because I wanted him but because you see how men can find woman after woman after woman while we older gals have a more challenging time of it? It just gets my goat.....

OKay back to you...........Yes I know what you mean and that is a good thing because you know what?? Your friend and the guy probably deserve each other and that is that............No wonder it takes awhile to get to really know someone and see their behavior but unfortunately for me being 59 I dont have that kind of time.. LOL so I have to use my genious and intuition and gut feelings and super girl power to figure the guy out fast.........LOL.

As they say you dodged a bullet!!!!!!!!!!!!!

JMHO...............

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Sun, 10-06-2013 - 10:31pm

Yes I feel that since they are both going through the bad divorces they can commiserate.  But since I've been divorced for 5 yrs now and already have been though that emotional stuff & hardly think about my divorce or exH any more, I don't want to deal with someone else's divorce problems--not to mention that since I'm a divorce lawyer then the guy would be asking me legal questions all the time too.  (R actually did ask me some divorce questions and asked me if I knew some mediator.)

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-03-2006
Sat, 10-12-2013 - 4:57pm

If I remember correctly, it was a meetup trip right? And the only ones that made it was he and his gf (which you didn't know was a gf). He should have told you of the special situation.