Sooo Confused!! Please help!
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| Tue, 05-22-2007 - 6:09am |
Oooh where to start?! Lol. I started a new job in feburary and pretty much from the moment i started i got a bit of a crush on one of the guys. The office is quite small, there are only 15 people and this guy is always in and out as he is a photographer. So anyways, I felt like i was back at school, i'd feel myself go red every time he spoke to me and would get butterflies every time i saw him. I just assumed it was just me who ahd these feelings, never really thought for a second that he would have any feelings for me.
He is kind of similar to me in that we are both quite shy at first.
So then it came to my birthday night out and i invited some people from work including him, though he didnt find out till like the day before because i never really got a chance to tell him face to face because 1) he was either out or 2) I was too embarrassed lol.
So it turned out he had organised a guys night in his flat BUT he said he would give his friends the keys so they could let themselves in and get started without him whilst he came out for a while with me. I was so excited lol. So he came out, bought me a drink, chatted away. According to my friends, they couldnt get a word in edgeways lol. Then when he went to leave there was that sort of cute awkwardness "Do we shake hands? Do we hug?" So eventually we hugged and off he went. But I ended uo going home quite early that night and decided to give him a text and let him know how shocking it was that i was home. To my surprise, he text back and said i should have went out at his area and that he was having a party back at his if i could handle it? So there i was sitting in my bed, in my pj's thinking what should i do? And i just thought go for it! So 2am in the morning, i phoned a taxi and off i went. I picked him up just before his house as he was walking back from a club and when he got in the taxi he put his hand on my leg and i got butterflies again. i was scared but in a good way. I was also a bit scared as it turned out just to be me, him and his 2 friends so it wasnt really a party lol. We were sitting on the couch and he kept holding my hand and touching my leg and when his friends left we had a little kiss and cuddle and ended up falling asleep together on the couch. He was so sweet, kept asking if i was ok, kept kissing my forehead and my nose. It was cute.
Then it was like the next week when we went to a girl in work's bbq. He is friends with her boyfriend. Nobody in work knew what had happened by this point but that night i found out this girl knew because of her boyfriend. Apparently he had sent an email to all his friends during the week including this guy in work saying something about the guys bringing their girlfriends and said jokingly "and of course X's new girlfriend will be there" and as the email that comes into our office goes through this girl first, she found out. She was very drunk and kept telling us not to hurt each other and not to tell anyone in work then she pratically shoved us out the door so we could go back to his lol. So off we went..........and slept together - not like me at all!
The one thing that annoys me about this guy is his lack of communication! It stresses me out cause im thinking why isnt he texting me? Saying that though, every time i text him, he always texts back straight away. Anyways so after a week of going out of my head, i ended up back at his again that weekend. But by the saturday I was thinking far too much and feeling a bit rubbish so sent him a text saying "Im finished with whatever it is we are doing. I told u I didnt want to feel used and i feel used. Im not that type of person" and he text back saying he was sorry i felt that way, he never wanted me to feel that way but maybe it's for the best (things stop) as it is awkward because of work and would never go anywhere because we work together. i was gutted! It was him who made the first move with everything, he totally led me on! I said to him why didnt he go out and pick some random who he didnt have to work with? And he said he was sorry but u cant help who u like. And he was giving it all about about he feels crap about it all and how we are good mates. Was basically being the nice guy still but i felt too hurt. I even stayed off work the next day as i could face seeing him but after having my day to mope around i felt fine. I saw him in work but not a lot and never spoke to him. I kinda moved on.
But then last week he phoned me at like half 2 in the morning whilst he was out with his friends and was asking why i hadnt text him or anything and i said i didnt feel the need to then he asked if we could still see each other and i was like no cause u are just using me and he said he wasnt. Then his friends kept talking to me asking if i was dating him and if im his new "missus" (girlfriend)
Then on Friday he was texting me and he ended up coming to get me from the club i was in and i went back to his again. But it's like now i've kinda accepted that we are jus kinda like f*ck buddies and im ok with it for the moment BUT, this may just be me being naive, i really do feel that he has feelings for me. Like when i went back to his on friday, he was like "u better not have any guys phoning you again" because the last time my phone kept going off but i didnt tell him who it was. And i said to him "why, do u not like that? Does it make u jealous?" and he said yeah.
Then he phoned me again last night. I know people will probably just say yeah he's phoning you at that time ebcause he's drunk and just wants sex but he never ever asks for that because he knows i wouldnt go and meet him, he just talks away.
Im sooo confused about things. What does he want? I think he does like me but is just scared to get in too deep because his ex oonly split up with him about 2/3 months ago and it was because she felt that she spent too much time with him and had lost her friends because of it.
I know this is all very long and probably not very clear. Believe me there is so much to explain, its hard to put it all down but i was just wondering what peoples thoughts are?

Hi star,
Well, I'm definitely not a prude, but I'd have to say that things progressed a little too quickly in the sex department. I think having sex really early on--even if you've both had a bit too much to drink--does not bode well for a relationship to follow. Even in these "modern" times, I still think men expect to have to pursue a woman a bit.
However, it does sound like he's interested in you and perhaps not just in a sexual way. I don't think all is lost. And only time will tell. But here's the thing: if you keep answering his booty call, it's probably never going to get past this stage. I think you need to go on some proper dates, and I'd cool it in the sex department for a bit. You know, sort of start over with him.
No need to be angry with him or anything. I've heard so many women say they can handle casual sex, but in the end, most of them really can't, and what they really want is a relationship.
Good luck with it all. --FG
I agree with FG- you need to go out on dates.
It doesn't sound like a very