Spicing things up a little..

Avatar for cl_shywon
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Spicing things up a little..
Tue, 11-04-2003 - 8:27pm

Just building off of another thread, here!

For most of us, it's been a bit since we've had anyone steady.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-19-2003
Wed, 11-05-2003 - 8:25am
I was celibate for 6 1/2 years, due to health problems that were being corrected. Having been so heavy, when 100+ lbs came off, I didn't realize that men would suddenly become a possibility, when they hadn't been for so long that it was never an issue for me before.

Besides the "devices" I referred to in another post, I mostly didn't think about it--though that sometimes depended on the time of month. But otherwise I'd just exercise a lot, which, besides getting me in shape, made me feel so good that I'd start feeling "sexy." That's when I learned about Better Living through Technology...

As far as casual sex goes--been there, done that. I did that w/a friend I'd known for many years, who was married, but it was one of those things where the moment presented itself and I had no desire to carry it into A Big Deal. We had an 8-wk affair during which time the sex was the best I've known in my life to date. When it was over, I hurt for a day, then went about my business--and we're still friends, albeit distant ones.

I think there's a time and place for everything in this world, including that. The whole ? is being honest enough w/yourself to know fully the consequences that must follow and being able to deal w/them. Had I thought I'd get all "hot and heavy" w/my married lover, I wouldn't have invited anything. But I didn't, and "it" wasn't, so all parties got what they wanted and everyone was happy.

Perhaps that's why I was able to survive a divorce to the wrong man (who was the worst lay I've ever known; I knew that going into it (so to speak), but I never dreamed that, on a regular basis, he'd be SOO bad...) to arrive at this point today: able to look back on that mistake, try to learn from it, and look forward w/more hope at the good life I'm making for myself as we speak.


iVillage Member
Registered: 08-12-2003
Wed, 11-05-2003 - 10:19am
The not having sex bothered me a lot more in the couple months right after my ex and I broke up. That was a rough time frame. After about 5 months, I dated someone for a couple of months, so had a little fun in there. I now have a "someone" who fulfills the purpose whenever we're around each other. It's a mutually agreed upon situation. I don't want to date him, he doesn't want to date me, we have mutual friends so end up in the same place every few weeks, we hook up (usually at his house because the party always seems to move on to there), I go home and we see each other again in a few weeks or a month. When we're together we have great fun, but we don't contact each other, in fact we have no communication with each other outside of the times we're actually together and it's just peachy with both of us.

In between those sessions...well, I wasn't joking about the $150 "friend"...it definitely comes in handy when necessary, but doesn't take the place of the real thing.

As for the party scenerio, well because I'm of the type who can enjoy sex just for the physical enjoyment and gratification of it all...I'd go for it, have a ball doing it, and not look back.



Fill with mingled cream and amber,
I will drain that glass again.
Such hilarious vis

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-08-2003
Wed, 11-05-2003 - 10:47am

Okay so after the fiance and I broke up I did meet someone right away and we were way to intimate way too fast. So I guess it was because of the heartbreak I was going through. Now we are great friends, and that I am greatful for.

But I have been in a dryspell for about 6 months of just not really finding anyone that interests me. I know that this has been hard so to go for 3 years... I think I would consider it. As long as he didn't make it a dirty thing and we were at least able to be friends afterwards I don't think it would be too bad.
Lilypie First Birthday tickers
Avatar for lizziebsk8
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-14-2003
Fri, 11-07-2003 - 5:45pm
Hey use safe sex and go for it. I mean we are adults here and he probably needs it too. When I have that opportunity, which isn't often, I just need it and after it is done, I laughingly say "Shew I needed that" and then as men often are know that that is all it was and go on. Who knows maybe you'll get lucky and he'll be interested.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 11-07-2003 - 6:21pm
Well...this is a difficult question for me b/c I am not into celibacy. It does not work for me - I tried it once and got to 8 months. That was way too long. But I can't do the one night stand thing! So where does that leave me? I've had the friends with benefits arrangement 3 times...and its sometimes more difficult than a real r/ship b/c I've actually cared about this ppl. That makes it OK to sleep with them - and difficult to just pass it off to physical play only. Now that I am looking for a serious LTR I guess I will have to "hold out"...luckily my r/mate moved out & I pity my coworkers...LOL...
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-05-2003
Fri, 11-07-2003 - 10:34pm
When I was in my early 20s every Friday night I went out clubbing with a group of male and female friends and often I hooked up with one of my male buddies. Sometimes it was a one time occurance and sometimes it happened more than once with the same guy. I knew and trusted these men and most of the time - not all of the time - I was able to enjoy the physical experience without getting emotionally involved.

At that time I wasn't interested in getting into anything long-term. Now though - I don't think I could do it. Today I want a different kind of relationship and so I can't view sex as casually as I once did. My longest dry spell was 5 years. I dated but I didn't have any long-term or exclusive relationships at that time. There were opportunities to have sex but it didn't feel right.


<?xml:namespace prefix = o ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:office" />