standards

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-10-2007
standards
12
Sun, 01-21-2007 - 6:32pm

Many of us probably have some sort of standard(s) for the guys we choose to date. I've always dated guys who are in or who have gone to college. Is this snobby? Don't get me wrong, I know a degree isn't always necessary to have a good paying job, but I think that I think of the college aspect as important to me because those who have gone have experienced that part of life that I have, so it's kind of something in common that we can relate to. I don't know..

Do others have similar standards, or is anyone else ever worried that their standards are snobby? Have you ever tried to explain one of your standards to a friend and gotten a bad reaction from her? Just looking for some insight...thanks all.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-06-2006
In reply to: azure84
Sun, 01-21-2007 - 6:45pm

I too have "at least college" as a standard. I have two advanced degrees myself, so I feel that someone who hasn't valued education enough to go through college is going to be very far apart from me. It's not that college guarantees a higher salary but that going to college suggests that you value education at least a little. I oculd make an exception for someone who was obviously very learned in something or who had a good reason not to have finished college, but they'd have to prove to me that they had something in common with me.

Maybe it is snobby. But it's no different, really, from wanting someone who likes sports if one is a sports nut. Or wanting someone who is religious. Or whatever.

My other "must have" criteria are non-smoking, no major handicaps, and not too religious.

It's just a question of making sure that you are compatible. I don't think it is "snobby" at all.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-25-2000
In reply to: azure84
Sun, 01-21-2007 - 9:10pm

It's not snobby at all.

I require men to make at least $130,000 in annual income, and they must fax a copy of last year's 1040 form before I will date them.

One must have some standards.

Avatar for cfk_3
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-1999
In reply to: azure84
Sun, 01-21-2007 - 11:57pm
I didn't finish college so this doesn't really apply to me, but I have had a couple of friends who had rules not only about educational backgrounds, but also income. That is where I personally become a little defensive(income). However, if you worked hard, went to school, make pretty good money and want the same in a mate, I don't see any harm there. Doesn't everybody have standards? They may differ here and there, but we all have them.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-10-2007
In reply to: azure84
Mon, 01-22-2007 - 9:59am
Thanks all for the responses! I just wanted to make sure I wasn't on my own here because I feel that this may come up in convo with friends and I didn't want to be way off base. Thanks again for the insight
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-16-2005
In reply to: azure84
Mon, 01-22-2007 - 12:00pm

I have certain criteria when dating.

I don't really require someone that has gone to college only because I've met enough people through the years to know going to college doesn't mean they value it more, I know plenty of people that are perpetual students not because they are valuing education rather because they don't want to get out there and work. My friends sister comes to mind, she worked out in the real world for a summer and "hated it" she constantly goes back to school so she doesn't have to work. Some peoples circumstances don't allow for college, I consider myself lucky that I was able to go back the second time after my divorce and was able to get student loans, but not without a lot of finagling and begging for my parents to cosign, if they didn't cosign on loans I wouldn't have been able to go back to school either so I understand that not everyone can go to school, not that they don't value education, but not everyone is afforded the same luxuries in life.

My criteria is more that I prefer that men have a job, if a guy cannot keep a job, if he's unemployed more than employed, I'm not much interested in being with someone like that. He has to live on his own unless circumstances dictate otherwise (If he lives with his parents because he hit financial difficulties due to a divorce etc. than that's fine) but if he's living with his parents because his mom cooks all his meals for him, he doesn't have to pay rent, she does his laundry, etc and so forth and so why should he move out, I don't want any of that because he isn't self sufficient and I don't want a man that has his mother do everything for him because "she will" move in with me and expect me to do it next> NO THANKS! I'm over 30 and take care of myself I expect the men in my life to fairly do the same, a grown man living at home, should do his own laundry, pay his parents rent and help around the house. He should have his own transportation, I do not want to cart anyone around. If he can't afford a car, then he should have a bus pass or a really good mountain bike.

I don't have income requirements.

Smile,

Deirdre

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-30-2004
In reply to: azure84
Mon, 01-22-2007 - 12:13pm

>I require men to make at least $130,000 in annual income, and they must fax a copy of last year's 1040 form before I will date them.

One must have some standards.<

Please tell me that this is sarcasm.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-15-2005
In reply to: azure84
Mon, 01-22-2007 - 2:18pm

Is it snobby that I, myself, do not have a college degree, but require a guy to have one to date me? To me it represents two things...one, sticking with commitments and also security. I want to feel secure financially and that my kids are well taken care of....


EB

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-27-2004
In reply to: azure84
Mon, 01-22-2007 - 2:42pm
My standards are more along the lines of yours lovinhockey17. I don't have an income specific or degree specific. I used to think that the man I'm with has to have a college degree and make at least a certain amount of money becuase I have a college degree, and in fact I was looking for these specifics before I met my current bf but my viewpoints have changed on this. I have dated men who are very educated and who have made decent money and those who have not made much money or graduated and I've found out that the most important standard to me is how emotionally available and mature enough they are to maintain a relationship, how well they treat me and how well we connect. Of course I don't want to be with a man that's living with his parents and is irresponsible (doesn't pay his bills, overspends, drinks too much, cant' keep a job etc etc.) but my current bf doesn't make nearly as much as I do and he's not a career minded individual but he has kept his same steady job for 6 years, lives in his own apartment is responsible and mature and definately has other qualities that balance this out. I think it's definately a matter of preferance.
And to the poster that stated the man has to make at least 130,000 a year. Wow, that's taking it too far. That's truley narrowing your dating pool and sometimes men that make that much money are so business/money hungry that this is all that matters to them. Any relationship will be 2nd string to their careers.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2005
In reply to: azure84
Mon, 01-22-2007 - 2:44pm

You do realize one doesn't need a college degree to make a good living or be capable of a commitment? ?

I'm betting my plumber makes more than twice what I do. Married 30 years.

My dad was a union master electrician and I know what he made. My parents missed their 50th anniversary by 2 months because he died.

And I know more than one multi-millionaire who never went past 12th grade or 2 years of college. All married or in long term relationships for years.

I think in our 20's a college degree may be one indicator of goals and abilities, but the older we get, the less important it is as a measuring stick.


Avatar for cl_shywon
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
In reply to: azure84
Mon, 01-22-2007 - 7:30pm

I have always preferred that a man have a college degree, but it's never been a prerequisite.

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