started dating a recovering alcoholic.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-02-2004
started dating a recovering alcoholic.
3
Wed, 07-12-2006 - 2:09pm
Has anyone dated a recovering alcoholic? is there anything i should be weary about.. or expect?
Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 07-12-2006 - 2:17pm

I am one (12 years sober), and I've dated several. The main thing I would be wary of (I'm assuming that's what you meant, since "weary" means tired ;-)) is, how long has he been sober? If it's been a year or less then I'd be wary of getting involved (in fact, while it's not an "official" stance, most people in AA will strongly suggest that you not start a relationship until you've been sober for at least a year).

And for what to expect, everyone in recovery is different. For example, I have no problem being around people who are drinking moderately or going to bars, whereas other people in recovery can't really do those things comfortably. I would say, ask the person what he is comfortable with...and accept his answer (I say the latter because I dated one guy who kept asking me, practically every time we went out, "are you sure it's ok with you if I have a drink?" Drove me up a wall!!!).

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-02-2004
Wed, 07-12-2006 - 4:08pm

thanks for your advice..

this is what i know..
he's been sober for about 3 years.. and there is a history of alcoholism in his family too.

it only came up recently.. i still like to go out and have a drink.. and i feel guilty.. i don't even know how to bring it up with him. How can I make myself comfortable enough to ask him these questions without feeling invasive? I know I can't avoid it forever...

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 07-12-2006 - 4:12pm

Gosh, I'd just ask outright..."do you mind if I have a drink with dinner ? Please tell me if it's uncomfortable for you". And then see what he says.

I can't see how that is at all invasive or inappropriate.

Sheri