Steady vs PlayingtheField

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-26-2014
Steady vs PlayingtheField
Sat, 03-22-2014 - 10:34am

This may sound really dumb - but I dont know which way I want to go.

I have been out there (since a divorce) on the dating scene again maybe 5 months.   Ive had a lot of dates - "first dates" get so weary.   Enjoying meeting all sorts of people.   

At the same time, the appeal of a steady relationship is there ---- one main reason:  sex.   ... greater emotional intimacy.   

What questions can I ask myself as to how I want to proceed?    ie.  I am on the verge of a steady relationship, if I want it.  There is someone appealing who really likes me - But at the same time, I look out and see many others who are appealing, whom I might like to check out - but of course that takes time, etc.   I think this person wanting a steady relationship w/me is a good person - but I am not totally sure Im ready ---- yet I appreciate someone w/whom I can make out, etc.  

Questions to ask myself to help decide?

Community Leader
Registered: 07-16-2001
Sat, 03-22-2014 - 10:48am
If he's right for you, you won't want the other guys. You'll still want to look at them, I'm sure, but the appeal of coming back to the same person will be much more desirable. Don't lead the steady guy on. My most recent ex did that to me- couldn't seem to make up his mind (and still won't leave me alone), and it really ticked me off.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Sat, 03-22-2014 - 1:25pm

I think you aren't ready for a steady relationship since you've only been single & dating for a short time.  If you find a guy that you really connect with, you won't have a second thought about it because you will think that no one else compares to him.  Right now I'm thinking that this guy you have now is probably good enough but not great since you can't make up your mind.  Tell him you just aren't ready for a commitment.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-05-2010
Sun, 03-23-2014 - 11:20am

If you recently got back on the dating scene, it's understandable you're not in a rush to commit. The big question is how much do you like this guy you're seeing now? Is he someone you find amazing or just borderline? If he is amazing, you probably want to seize the opportunity. Not everything occurs the best time it can, and you just have to make do.  If he is borderline, saying you're not ready to commit now makes a good excuse to keep him at bay.

Also, how do you feel about FWB arrangements? I am not a big fan or advocate of this myself, but this is one option for you as well.




iVillage Member
Registered: 02-08-2011
Sun, 03-23-2014 - 11:24am
When the idea of So-Many-People-To-Date changes into Oh-My-God-Is-Every-Single-Person-A-Freak-Fraud-Or-Full-Of-Baggage.....when you reach that point, you'll be ready for a steady relationship.
You aren't there yet. But don't worry, the dating world will get you there eventually.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-17-2008
Sun, 03-23-2014 - 1:21pm
@ Jt: Amen!!! LOL