steamy texts is he to blame? please read
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| Fri, 04-21-2006 - 2:21pm |
okay, i have a question for everyone. there is a girl my bf works with who has a huge crush on him. she told him once at a work party and he said she was really nice and sweet, etc but he was in love with me and dating me. he went on to tell her how great our relationship was etc. but this did not deter her. she continued to call him and invite him out to parties, etc. it really annoyed me because i felt like she wasn't respecting our relationship. i know she has a huge crush on him but he told her he loved ME and was with ME. but she continued. anyway, its been several months since that convo with her and while he works with her everyday, he basically lives with me. he is with me 3 nights during the week and stays with me friday to sunday of every weekend. anyway, a few weeks ago was her bday and she invited him out with friends for her bday. well he didn't go. he was with me. so at 1 am he gets a text message and he says to me "i just got a text msg from you" because he isn't a texter, and i guess i am the only person that texts him. i said, "no, i didn't send anything." so he looks to see who it is. its this girl sending him a msg that says "wish you were drunk with me for my bday ;) " with a wink at the end. granted, i know she is young, 24, but i went crazy. they work together and it makes me feel like he is giving her some type of signal its okay to contact him like that. not to mention, she knows me and sees us together now yet she is still doing this. he told me he cannot control her behavior which i understand. he said she is a girl with a crush. he also said i should pay attention to our relationship and how he treats me and he is with me everyday, etc. which i understand but why would this girl continue to contact him over two months after he told her he had a girlfriend who he loved. i am sick about it. he swears its not his behavior that is encouraging her. I am trying to think when i was young and single, and drunk maybe i would send drunken text messages, who knows, they didn't have cell phones then like now. but i did used to drunk dial. i am really torn up about it. he is now angry at me because he says he treats me like gold (true) and i don't have enough trust in him and our relationship to know he isn't doing anything wrong. what do you think? My question is, would a girl drunk dial or drunk text her crush even if she didn't know if he was interested? i guess thats maybe why they call it a drunk dial. the next day at work she came up to him and said "i need to apologize for something" he said for what? she said " i really need to apologize" and he said "well talk later" and they never did. i guess her apology is a step in the right direction right? maybe she was embarressed cause she realized she was out of line?

You posted the same message on April 9 on another board, and have had a whole bunch of responses. Yet here it is, 2 weeks later (so more than 5 weeks since the famous text message, which she apologized for)...and you're still stuck in the same place.
What are you planning to DO in order to move forward? You're just going to get basically the same answers here...what are you going to DO with the advice/information?
Sheri
I had something similar happen awhile back with my last boyfriend.
Ok...let's say that's the case...he hasn't discouraged her enough. What are you going to DO about it?
Has she texted or contacted him since then?
Sheri
I understand that...but what is going to CHANGE if you don't take action?
How are you going to resolve this within yourself, if that's your choice (as opposed to discussing it further with him)? Are you seeking counseling?
I personally don't think this will be truly resolved unless you have an honest, open conversation with him and share all your fears...but that probably stems from my belief that if you can't have that kind of conversation with your SO, then you're with the wrong person.
In any event...unless you DO something, nothing will change.
I disagree with your statement that you can't "help" thinking that she's only doing this because he's giving her an open door. You COULD choose to think otherwise (plenty of people have told you that it's possible she's paying him attention even though she knows about you because she's a little whacked), but you're not. That's fine, you can choose to think what you want, but recognize that it's a CHOICE you're making and take responsibility for it.
Sheri