Stop Looking, It'll Happen?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-19-2003
Stop Looking, It'll Happen?
18
Tue, 06-26-2007 - 9:33am

I know that for lots of people, they meet someone when they aren't actively looking. I know cause its happened for me. And yet, I feel compelled to look and actively put myself out there because i know when I'm not really looking, I never get dates.

I'm not one who is usually pursued (I guess they are intimidated or assume I'm taken), nor do i get approached by anyone above the young, horny-toads, so I feel like if I want to date, I have to really try and end of initiating things. The downside, is I end up pursuing things to and they don't ever pick up and pursue me back.

Any thoughts on this?

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Avatar for cl_shywon
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Tue, 06-26-2007 - 10:21am

I think it's a load of crap.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-19-2003
Tue, 06-26-2007 - 10:28am

I kinda think its true. I have known of a few people who were absolutely not looking nor interested, who ended up in relationships.

But I do know of the times when I wasn't actively looking, I went months and months on end without so much as an offer (from an intelligent, decent man).

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-26-2006
Tue, 06-26-2007 - 11:43am
Well, in my opinion I think the phrase is reserved for people who are looking TOO hard, ie are desperate. If you're just going out and meeting new people and putting yourself out there, of course that only helps matters. Just my two cents.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-22-2007
Tue, 06-26-2007 - 12:14pm

Well, in my personal experience, and since I was practically a teenager (36 now), when I did nothing, exactly nothing happened. Sitting home thinking 'well I'll just sit home today and tomorrow and next month and maybe someone somewhere invites me to some party where I will maybe somehow meet someone' never ever EVER got me anywhere. If I was single and wanted to meet someone, I did my utmost to get there, and got there. As simple as that.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-01-2005
Tue, 06-26-2007 - 12:38pm
Yes, I decided a long time ago that, unless the UPS man or the cable guy turned out to be the love of my life, I actually had to leave the house to meet people. You have to put yourself out there if you expect any result. That doesn't mean looking at every single man as your potential future husband, but just being open and available to an opportunity when it arises - and putting yourself in places where those opportunities might happen.

AJ, enjoying life with C.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-16-2005
Tue, 06-26-2007 - 1:16pm

EXACTLY!!!

Otherwise it's just one of those catch 22.

I have people say don't look and others say put yourself out there. WELL WHICH IS IT EXACTLY. LOL Because I've done both and it's not like I'm knocking them away with a stick. ROFL

I think you have to be in the right place at the right time and the only way for that to happen is to be out in the mix of things, either by actively in the dating circle or at least out socially to be able to be seen.

Smile,

Deirdre

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-06-2003
Tue, 06-26-2007 - 2:10pm

I like the cable/UPS guy comment. For a while I was staying home all the time and actually some of those service people weren't looking half bad. That's when I decided I need to get out more.

Even though you don't actually have to be hunting, you need to put yourself in places where you have the opportunity to make new friends and possibly get a date. The guy I am dating now, just happened in a way. Neither one of us were really looking for anyone and the place we met was the last place I would have considered looking for a potential date.

Avatar for cfk_3
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-1999
Tue, 06-26-2007 - 2:25pm
Yeah, this isn't a comment I reserve for just any single friend, it's the one I use primarily for the desperate ones.
Avatar for cl_shywon
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Tue, 06-26-2007 - 6:18pm

Your post reminds me of something that happened to me last week.


I was sitting on the couch and someone knocked on my door.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-01-2005
Tue, 06-26-2007 - 6:58pm
Aww, see? That's one of those only-happens-in-the-movies moments -- especially the accent {drool}. You should have pretended the Corolla was yours - then offered to take him out for a drink to repay him for the kindness. ;)

AJ, enjoying life with C.

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