Strong Chemistry

Avatar for cfk_3
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-1999
Strong Chemistry
9
Wed, 03-28-2007 - 1:10am

Have any of you ever had undeniable chemistry with someone and even though you knew it was wrong, for whatever reason, you just could not turn it off? How did you handle it? Did you avoid the person at all cost? What if avoiding them wasn't an option. Did you sit down and discuss it with them? Did you keep your distance from them at social functions and feign disinterest?

Avatar for cl_shywon
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
In reply to: cfk_3
Wed, 03-28-2007 - 7:27am

Yep, and with this particular guy it always ended in really good sex.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-13-2006
In reply to: cfk_3
Thu, 03-29-2007 - 3:24am
Out of curiousity.....why do you not want to pursue this person if the chemistry is there?
Avatar for cfk_3
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-1999
In reply to: cfk_3
Thu, 03-29-2007 - 1:34pm

He's spoken for. This has been going on for years. I was friends with him before I met his partner. Then, we all became close friends. We're like family. I've never crossed the line nor has he, it's just a thorn in my side. I keep waiting for "it" to fade away but it hasn't yet. I guess I will just have to continue to deal with it as I have been for all these years.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-13-2006
In reply to: cfk_3
Thu, 03-29-2007 - 1:59pm

Ok I see why not lol

Well if both of you are able to put it in the back of your mind then it shouldnt be a problem. Avioding him doesnt seem to be an option here because of how close you said you two were.

I have annother question though...how is his relationship? if there is an undeniable chemistry between you two and you're really close it seems there may be a strong urge to be with you on his part....so I wonder how his relationship is.

And if he were to become single how would that changes things for you two do you think?

Avatar for cfk_3
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-1999
In reply to: cfk_3
Thu, 03-29-2007 - 2:16pm

I don't know, we've never broached the subject. There are ways to be flirtatious and show affection without being disrespectful to anyone. That is as far as it has ever gotten.

I'm a hopeless romantic and I also seek out, unintentionally, impossible scenarios so that's two strikes against me. He, on the other hand, talks about being miserable constantly, not to me mind you, but doesn't make any moves to change his situation. I happen to think that it's all BS and he is actually content in his family life. It could be purely sexual tension on his part, I have no idea. For me, it's chemical, emotional, some sort of energy pull. It's bizarre. I'm not even attracted to him physically. He is the exact opposite of my usual "type" of man.

I absolutely know without a doubt that if he were to break off his relationship, he would go sew his wild oats and that would be a major turn off for me. A meaningful relationship would never work between us.

I have issues ; ) There's not a lot going on romantically for me right now and I probably focus on this "thing" as a hobby of sorts, LOL. I'm sure he never sits and ponders it! It's just a silly diversion . . . even though it's very, very wrong! I want to reiterate that I would never cross the line. Never. I know he wouldn't either.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-13-2004
In reply to: cfk_3
Thu, 03-29-2007 - 6:32pm

Yah, I've dealt with this before, although slightly different situation than yours.

I met this guy 4 years ago now and there is just something about him, I'm just drawn to him. We had one date but then he told me he wasn't looking for a girlfriend at the time but basically would be open to a FWB situation. At the time I wasn't looking for anything serious so agreed to it. The sex was unbelieveable and we still see each other on and off between relationships with other people.

I sometimes hate myself for doing it with him though, as he's really not all that friendly and I know he would make a terrible boyfriend, but there is something about him, it's like he asks me to go over and I lose all control. I can't even explain it. Other guys who have wanted this I can turn down no problem, but him.... I don't know what it is (man I wish I knew!), I just can't seem to stop.

Avatar for cfk_3
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-1999
In reply to: cfk_3
Fri, 03-30-2007 - 1:07pm

The French call it: "je ne sais quoi" ; ) Which translated: 'I do not know what'; indescribable attractive attribute or quality; 'a certain something'.

Guess we just have to chalk it up to that . . .

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-27-2004
In reply to: cfk_3
Fri, 03-30-2007 - 8:37pm
I think sometimes we want what we can't have, because it's a challenge and that could be part of the pull too. It's the excitement of knowing that neither of you can act on your desires. Maybe if he was available you wouldn't like him as much?? Who knows, I had a tremendous amount of chemistry with a man who I knew was all wrong for me last year. Even waited for him for 6 months to get back from deployment since he was in the Navy even though we didn't have a committed relationship. Talk about chemistry pull. The more I tried to forget about him the more I wanted to be with him, what a pain that was!
Avatar for cfk_3
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-1999
In reply to: cfk_3
Fri, 03-30-2007 - 8:52pm
Yeah, you're probably right about the wanting what you can't have thing. I never seem to be interested in the ones whom I CAN have, oy!