Struggling with small talk...
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| Sun, 01-28-2007 - 10:21pm |
Do women expect a guy who's approaching them to be interesting, witty and charming? My problem is that when I approach a girl and try talking to her, I usually get really nervous, can't think on my toes for anything interesting, witty or charming to say or any witty or snappy responses to anything she says, and I end up struggling just to get a little bit of boring small talk out (what's your name, what school do you go to, what are you reading, weather's nice today, etc.) and I think it makes girls think I'm a dull or boring guy.
You see, I was sitting at Starbucks today to do my homework, and as I was waiting for my drink, there was this pretty cute girl throwing looks towards me. At first, I didn't know if she was looking at me, the guy next to me, the guy behind me, so I didn't respond at first. But for the next 2 hours, I noticed her looking to my table a few times, her eyes following me when I got up to go to the bathroom or order another drink (she even smiled at me once) and so on. Then after about 2 hours, she stopped. I had guessed she had wanted me to come over and start talking to her but got tired of waiting (because I was too nervous to) and gave up.
I tried thinking for something witty or charming to say for about an HOUR, but I couldn't think of anything. Then when the table next to her cleared, I took my shot, layed my stuff next to her and said "Hey." She smiled and said "hi" back, and I could sense a bit of interest in the way she looked at me and in her voice, so I asked if she minded if I sat there and she said "not at all." So I sat down, asked her what she was reading (she was studying math) what her name was after I introduced myself, what her major was, what school she went to, if she went to Starbucks often and a few other things.
The thing was, when I was talking to her, I was so nervous, I could barely look her in the eye and talk at the same time (if I look a girl I like in the eye and talk at the same time, I stammer, my voice quivers and my eyes twitch) and I was struggling for conversation topics. There was about a 5 to 10 minute pause inbetween each subject I stated above, and needless to say, throughout this whole time, I couldn't think of anything charming or witty to say.
I think it's because of this that as I continued trying to talk with her, her interest in me was dropping rapidly. When I had first started talking to her, she was smiling, looking me in the eye, had a friendly sweet voice, but as time when on, she wasn't smiling anymore, wasn't looking me in the eye and had this sort of bored, exasperated voice. And each time, I felt more embarassed sitting next to her, so after a while, I got up and told her, "listen, I'm embarassed to admit this, but I sort of noticed you when I walked in here, and I've been trying to think of a clever way to ask you out, but I couldn't, so I'm going to be honest and say I think you're cute, you seem cool and interesting to talk to and if you ever have free time, I'd like to meet you again here or anywhere else sometime."
When I said this, I had stammered a few times, could only look her in the face half the time and the other half to my shoes or to the side, I'm pretty sure I was red faced and basically, it did not come out smoothley or charmingly or confidently. Her response was that she was really busy with college. I suggested before and after, but she said she didn't know. I suggested visiting her on campus, but she said she didn't think it was a good idea because she was so "busy." I was pretty desperate so in a last ditch effort, I said "No, it's okay. I understand, but if you ever have a slot of free time in the future, maybe we talk on the phone. Can I have your number." But she said she doesn't give out her number. I knew I had blown all my chances with her and I was devestatingly embarassed, so I told her I was sorry for wasting her time, that it was cool talking to her and said goodbye.
Thanks for taking the time to read my long post. As you can probably see, I have a few problems, so if you can help at all, what can I do to fix them? I want to forgo all the boring small talk, but I can't because it's my only choice. I don't know how to be charming or witty or smooth so my only options at the moment are boring nervous small talk or not talking to the girl at all. What can I say or do to become more witty and charming and confident to a girl I'm talking to? What do you all like to hear from a guy when he comes to talking to you for the first time?
Edited 1/28/2007 10:30 pm ET by redonculous

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Great post.
I'm glad someone also brought up the cost of "looking good."
This guy has got it, but so many (including the OP) thinks that it's so easy.
Ha! As mentioned, a good bra (which must be fitted) - $30 or up. A good foundation for your face - $35. Hairstyle and color every six weeks - $90 (with tip). Make up and clothes - well, you figure it out.
If you want to stay in shape - 60 minute workouts every day = gym membership = $45 a month.
Easy, huh?
I am more in love with myself today than I was when I was hanging off the chandeliers in sex. Do I make any sense???????
Leila
yep, I know what you mean....the original post needs to realize that he needs to love himself and focus less on finding sex...eventually he will be very happy.....I'm sure you know that we can only attract more friends by being happy with ourselves....who do you want to be around: a happy enthusiastic person with diverse interests or an unhappy and singularly focused person?
I'm relatively so happy being single in my life now, that ...well, for example last week, out of the blue, 4 men wanted to date me.....and when I figured out a week later that all 4 were still married, I was really glad that I wasn't really into any of them. You see, I really didn't want to give up the things in my life that make me happy, ie live music, swimming, dancing, dining, drinking, etc. It might sound selfish, but I have learned it is important to be happy for myself before becoming involved with someone else. It makes for a much more stable relationship!
So, go for it, Leila - keep on giving out some goodness in the world - we all need a little bit more everywhere we look these days! More power to you! And, may you keep on smiling!
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