Success, Then Love Life

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-19-2003
Success, Then Love Life
10
Thu, 05-25-2006 - 9:16am

So I've met the sweetest guy. He is attentive, and considerate, kind, cute and seems to really like me. One of the few I've met like this is almost 2 years of hardcore dating. The problem? His career comes first, and while I respect that, I know that will be the key thing that will keep us from having an exclusive, intimate relationship. (sigh)

So I saw this article on MSN (http://msn.match.com/msn/article.aspx?articleid=6186&TrackingID=516311&BannerID=562427&menuid=6&GT1=8134) and it mentioned the 'success, then love life' theory that many people seem to live by. Basically that is when someone puts their work first, and puts romance and dating on hold until they have reached their acquired level of success.

I understand why someone would want to get their 'act together' so to speak before dating and pursuing a relationship, but what I don't quite get is why can't they do both? Or why they wouldn't rather work their way to the top while having a loving, supportive partner by their side? It's just personally frustrating for me, cause this is all the type of guys I meet and I though I have a successful career, it never prevents me from dating and getting involved.

Your thoughts??

Avatar for cl_shywon
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Thu, 05-25-2006 - 11:21am

I agree with you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-19-2003
Thu, 05-25-2006 - 11:36am

I agree, and another guy poster on here mentioned that men are given the message that they have t be the provider and have all their ducks in a row before they can 'settle down' and commit to a relationship, but I think they are selling themselves short and missing out on some wonderful women in the process. I mean, it doesn't seem to matter much what stage a woman is in professionally in order to get involved, why should it matter for men?

I do not care how much a man makes, whether he owns his own home or what his financial portfolio looks like. Can he love? Can he care? Can he be there? Can he stop dating other women and focus some attention on me? Is that too much to ask? Apparently so.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-03-2006
Thu, 05-25-2006 - 11:44am
I guess that the trap of lies many people fall into. Success does not truly deifne a person's worth. We all probably have different views of what success is. To some it's becoming a lawyer or a doctor making a big slary, to some it's being a teacher making a smaller salry but helping children. Success in a career has nothing to do with love. I guess it's how we as an individual see success. But if a job or career is stopping someone else to love another, than they just aren't ready for a relationship. I guess they way I see it now is, you can lose your job or career, but finding the unselfish love of another is WAY more valuable.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-19-2003
Thu, 05-25-2006 - 11:50am

"I guess they way I see it now is, you can lose your job or career, but finding the unselfish love of another is WAY more valuable."

Ok, now you're just teasing me? Did someone put you up to this? Have you been planted here to perk up my dismal little outlook on love and make me feel like there is hope? Like there are actually realmen out here who care about these things outside of Meg Ryan/Tom Hanks movies. Cause you're saying what I'm feeling and agreeing with me but you're a GUY!

Stop teasing me, you're not real! You're a figment of my imagination! ;)

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-13-2004
Thu, 05-25-2006 - 1:05pm
Men cannot multi-task. It has something to do with left brain, right brain theory, which makes them have tunnel vision. Usually, a guy will want to have his act together before he settles down, so he can feel like he can afford or take care of the woman. Even though women can afford themselves now, I think most guys still feel like they have to take care of you and you can't do that unless you have your career in place....
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-03-2006
Thu, 05-25-2006 - 1:38pm
Your silly, in a good way. And no, I am not gay either.
Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 05-25-2006 - 1:53pm

That's not universally true. At least *some* men can multi-task just fine.

I know any number of guys in my professional life who have good marriages, great kids, AND they have successful careers as well that they built *while* they were married and raising their kids. Guess someone should tell them that they "can't" multi-task ;-)!!!

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-21-2005
Thu, 05-25-2006 - 2:15pm

I always used to wonder about that myself with guys and I always assumed when they'd say things like that,

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-13-2004
Thu, 05-25-2006 - 3:22pm
Nothing is ever universal and there will always be men out there that can have a marriage, a career and children. But I am only speaking from my experiences, so in my opinion, I do feel that a lot of men work on career and then once that is established, they look for marriage. I have have seen some documentaries on A&E ( yes, I am a dork) about dating and sex and they suggest that our brains are wired differently and men are supposedly not able to multi-task as well as women. It's a biological thing that is supposed to help with child rearing and keeping a home vs. men being focused on the kill and bringing the dinner home. Whether that is true, I am not sure, but it sure sounds convincing :)
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-19-2003
Thu, 05-25-2006 - 3:35pm

It seems to me that men do have problems with multi-tasking especially with social things such as these. It seems like highly driven, career-oriented men are less likely to devote the same amount of time developing interpersonal relationships as women on the same level. Highly driven women seem like they still manage better. There may be some biological reason for this.

I just know of so many men, who can't do both, its one or the other.