This sucks

Avatar for cl_shywon
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
This sucks
48
Sat, 05-20-2006 - 10:13pm

I am completely and totally FED UP with flakey people...MEN in particular.


How is a woman supposed to find a guy to love and love her when she can't even get a guy to follow through on plans or better yet, even make a freakin' phone call?

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Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: cl_shywon
Sat, 05-20-2006 - 11:11pm

Shy, I'm sorry, that really sucks. But I'm curious...why *wouldn't* you call this guy on his flaky behavior? It *is* him...he flaked! What did he say last night when you talked to him and reminded him? Just that he forgot and that he'd call you today...and then he didn't? Lame on TOP of lame!!!!

You're not "doing" anything to make them flake...these guys are flaking all on their own. It's who and how they are. I'm sure this guy likes you just fine...but he's a flake.

I would call him on it for sure...and he can either step up, or not. If not, then you can decide if you can accept his flakiness or not. Granted, the pickings are slim if you weed out the flakes ;-), but it's your perogative to do so!

Sheri

Avatar for cl_shywon
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
In reply to: cl_shywon
Sat, 05-20-2006 - 11:56pm

I really don't like confrontation.

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: cl_shywon
Sun, 05-21-2006 - 3:13am

I understand about confrontation...it's hard for me, too. But standing up for yourself and enforcing boundaries around how you want to be treated isn't the same as bossing someone around, I don't think.

As for your last question, my thought is, no...if they weren't FLAKES, they wouldn't flake. They are just being who they are.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-02-2005
In reply to: cl_shywon
Sun, 05-21-2006 - 3:50am

>I mean, if they were interested enough, they wouldn't flake, right?

Right, they wouldn't. He didn't forget the plans with his friends did he? Plus, he was only making a tentative "date" (dinner or something??) with you in case the plans with his friends fell through. This man isn't as keen as you are. You can label him a "flake" if it makes you feel better but don't for a second think you can beat him into submission. Your time and energy will be better spent on finding someone else.

Avatar for cl_shywon
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
In reply to: cl_shywon
Sun, 05-21-2006 - 10:25am

Actually, my understanding was that he was going to forget about the plans with his friends (because they were tentative) and come up to see me.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-04-2003
In reply to: cl_shywon
Sun, 05-21-2006 - 12:38pm

Gotta agree with Sherry, call him on it. NOW!! We are all too old to still be acting like kids. Hang in there, things will get better.

GT35

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-27-2004
In reply to: cl_shywon
Sun, 05-21-2006 - 2:57pm
Sorry to hear that this is happening to you shy. It does get frustrating. If he does call you again I would say something about it. I wouldn't be harsh, but I would mention it. I too don't like confrontation and have a hard time telling a man what's on my mind sometimes and usually let by gones be by gones which has gotten me into trouble sometimes. It's tough, but like Sheri said, it's a good idea to practice setting boundaries in a nonconfrontational sort of way. Come up with a way to say it that gets your point across but doesnt' sound like you are too upset either. Maybe mention that you could have made plans with your other friends if you knew that the plans with him were going to fall through. If he doesn't call just let him go, he's not worth it. I just had what I thought was a good date with a man last Saturday but he never called so I'm just letting that go, it's disappointing but I guess we keep on trucking, it's all we can do right?
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-21-2005
In reply to: cl_shywon
Sun, 05-21-2006 - 5:11pm
Hey, shy, I'm sorry to hear about the guy.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2005
In reply to: cl_shywon
Sun, 05-21-2006 - 9:34pm
I'm sorry to hear that, Shy. That sucks. I have no idea how to explain people that do that. And I think you're right, it doesn't make sense. If you liked someone, you wouldn't drop the ball like that.
Stacey is right, it seems so unfair. As far as calling him on it goes, I'd definitely be tempted. Maybe you're right, maybe he is used to be bossed around. If that's the case, then there's reason to say "look, I won't tell you what to do so if that's what you want then we're wasting time." At the very least, he may need a wakeup call.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-13-2003
In reply to: cl_shywon
Mon, 05-22-2006 - 6:05am

Sadly for the OP, this has nothing to do with him being flakey, forgetful, impolite or anything else for that matter; calling him on it is just a waste of time and energy; men who really are INTO a woman do not forget about a date that they've set up with her. This one clearly isn't as into the OP as she is into him so the only thing that she can do here is stop all contact with him; I personally despise and hate and cannot stand having to chase a man in any, even suble, ways, and won't ever ever do so again as long as I live. I am not single now but should I ever be again, to me a man who really is keen on a woman with phone and push and phone again and beg and flatter and humour and court, 2006 or 1956. He will not need any prodding or chasing or anything at all.

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