This sucks

Avatar for cl_shywon
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
This sucks
48
Sat, 05-20-2006 - 10:13pm

I am completely and totally FED UP with flakey people...MEN in particular.


How is a woman supposed to find a guy to love and love her when she can't even get a guy to follow through on plans or better yet, even make a freakin' phone call?

Avatar for cl_shywon
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
In reply to: cl_shywon
Mon, 05-22-2006 - 7:45am

Exactly...and all the men I've dated in the past few years have done this exact thing, so I guess men just don't like me that much.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-13-2003
In reply to: cl_shywon
Mon, 05-22-2006 - 10:35am


I did not at all mean to make you feel bad about yourself and I'm very sorry; I'm just trying to save you time and trouble. I lurk on this board and read all your posts as they are consistently informative, well thought out, well written and protray an interesting, kind, well balanced and intelligent person who has a unique talent for writing. I have made the mistake of wondering and waiting and chasing in the past and I am forever warning all of my friends against it. That was all I was trying to do. Him not being keen does not in any way mean that men somehow for some reason don't like you; it just means that this particular one is a waste of your time and the one who will be smitten by you is on his way.

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: cl_shywon
Mon, 05-22-2006 - 12:26pm

I disagree. People don't change who they are based on who they are dating. He is who he is. A woman who is right for this guy would be ok with his flakiness.

I also think that sometimes, people just have lapses and behave out of character, and this *could* be one of those times (although I think it's more likely in this situation that this is who he is). Calling him on it, seeing if he apologizes sincerely, and giving him ONE more chance to show he's not really a flake wouldn't be a bad thing, IMO. But if he did something like this more than once, then he's a flake, and therefor not right for Shy, who doesn't want a flake ;-).

Some women would see the behavior you say you want in a man as overwhelming and overly needy. But that's ok...you want what you want, and a man who is right for you would behave that way. It all comes down to what's right for each person.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-02-2005
In reply to: cl_shywon
Mon, 05-22-2006 - 12:59pm

>People don't change who they are based on who
>they are dating. He is who he is. A woman who
>is right for this guy would be ok with his flakiness.

I don't think so. What do you mean by "right" - A woman that is desperate and dysfunctional? Why would any woman want to be bothered with a moron that forgets a date?

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: cl_shywon
Mon, 05-22-2006 - 1:09pm

I didn't say she would be healthy, Hal ;-)! Being right for each other just means they can live with each other's issues...it has nothing to do with healthy!

And some people really are just laid back about that kind of thing...not too many, and his dating pool is going to be pretty small, but that's his issue. If he wants to change that part of his personality to increase his chances of meeting someone who's right for him, then he'll do that. But merely liking someone isn't going to cause that change overnight. He'll probably have to have a number of women stop seeing him before the penny drops and he does something to change.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-27-2004
In reply to: cl_shywon
Mon, 05-22-2006 - 3:05pm
I disagree with this statement. I don't think ALL men who are into a woman will push too hard, some want to take it slow and think more logically with their head than with their heart because they have been hurt in the past. Now if the guy never comes around and is always aloof even after getting to know the woman for awhile and getting closer then probably he thinks she's not compatable with him or he's just not ready to put the effort into a relationship, but at the beginning some men are cautious just like we are. Some men who push and push just like the chase and want to see if they can get the woman and after they get her will leave as well so personally I would be leary of someone who keeps pushing and chasing because i would look at that as someone who is trying to win a prize or who appears to be a little needy. I like a slow and steady pursuit. Just because this guy is flakey at the beginning doesn't mean that he definately isn't into her. He doesn't even know her enough yet to determine that. Maybe he's one of those men that takes awhile to warm up to a situation. But the point is we don't know for sure if he's not into her. There could be a number of reasons why he flaked.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-27-2004
In reply to: cl_shywon
Mon, 05-22-2006 - 3:17pm
I know a lot of women probably wouldn't put up with that behavior but maybe it was just a one time thing and happened that once. If I was in that situation I would give the guy a second shot IF he called me and set up another time and date and apologized for having forgotten. If he didn't call me back to set up another time and there was no apology then I wouldn't go out with him at all of course or make any effort to contact him. I usually let things slide that are bothersome to me maybe once or twice depending on the situation and I take things on a case by case scenario. But if something like that continues to happen of course I wouldn't continue to see the guy. Not everything is black and white in life. In the OPs case though the guy didnt' call her so I would just let it go and that's exactly what she is doing because she seems to be smart enough to be able to handle her own and know that this kind of person is not good for her.
Avatar for cl_shywon
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
In reply to: cl_shywon
Mon, 05-22-2006 - 8:41pm

I tend to also give second chances.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
In reply to: cl_shywon
Mon, 05-22-2006 - 9:27pm
I find the flaky guy very rude. First, he makes a date and then disappoints you. Further, it does not look to me that he is feeling sorry about it. In my opinion, I won't even tell such an inconsiderate guy how I feel. For since he can learn his lesson the hard way, why waste your energy to teach him? Good luck.
Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: cl_shywon
Mon, 05-22-2006 - 9:50pm

Oh, I had to laugh at the "I fell asleep" excuse...I've gotten that more than a few times and yes, it does seem to be the default!!! How do these men LIVE their lives, falling asleep with no rhyme or reason? Do they do it at work, too ;-)????

Sheri