This sucks

Avatar for cl_shywon
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
This sucks
48
Sat, 05-20-2006 - 10:13pm

I am completely and totally FED UP with flakey people...MEN in particular.


How is a woman supposed to find a guy to love and love her when she can't even get a guy to follow through on plans or better yet, even make a freakin' phone call?

Avatar for mhash
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
In reply to: cl_shywon
Tue, 05-23-2006 - 1:04am

When I notice a pattern in my life, I start examining how I am playing a part in co-creating this. An example is attracting angry women in my life. The anger was underlying, i.e. not like screaming and throwing things but a resentment. They were kind, compassionate women but still had that part of them that showed that resentment toward not only me but toward men. Their past relationships reflected that below-the-surface anger.

I examined this and learned it's all about our family-of-origin. My mother was an angry woman. I read that such women grew up with emotionally distant fathers. Even they loved their fathers, there was this unconscious resentment in not taking care of their emotional needs as children.

I started working on myself in different conscious and unconscious ways (NLP, spiritual, etc.). I see what I attract in my life as a indicator of my spiritual health. I have attracted kind and non-angry women since.

I routinely ask about their childhood whenever I date.

Good luck.
Mark

Avatar for mhash
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
In reply to: cl_shywon
Tue, 05-23-2006 - 1:09am

I agree with Sheri (again !). I don't label this as confrontation but to communicate clearly on how you feel and the impact of his behavior on you. I always appreciate whenever someone does that with me. I hate trying to guess or read in between the lines or not even know if there is something bothering the other.

Mark

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-02-2005
In reply to: cl_shywon
Tue, 05-23-2006 - 2:35am

Shy,

I subscribe to Occam's Razor principle that basically states the explanation of any phenomenon should make as few assumptions as possible. IMO: Keen men *DON'T* forget dates. Pure, simple and true. Even if he calls and grovels with an abject apology my opinion still holds true. He will disappoint you sooner or later. Like Sheri said, emotionally healthy women wouldn’t give this man a second chance.

Although it's difficult I wouldn't take what he did personally. It happens to everyone but the elite 3% super daters of this world.

Avatar for cl_shywon
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
In reply to: cl_shywon
Tue, 05-23-2006 - 7:45am

I'm assuming he's not all that interested, alright.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-13-2003
In reply to: cl_shywon
Tue, 05-23-2006 - 7:51am


'People don't change who they are based on who they are dating. He is who he is. A woman who is right for this guy would be ok with his flakiness'

No, people don't change who they are based on who they are dating; it's just that men who really and truly are keen on a woman they are dating are very similar in that they PURSURE. And they absolutely do not 'forget' dates they have arranged, no matter how generally forgetfull they may be. If a man is truly into you he will - especially in the initial 'butterflies' stage - count days till the date with you, not forget about it.

'Some women would see the behavior you say you want in a man as overwhelming and overly needy'. To me, doing all the chasing in the beginning is not at all overwhelming and needy (unless it's multiple obsessive phonecalls a day but I am not refering to this kind of behaviour).

All I was trying to say is that if this man really was keen she would not have to post angry messages about his behaviour (on non-behaviour). She wouldn't have to debate whether she should call or not, he himself would be doing all the calling.

Just my opinion.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-21-2005
In reply to: cl_shywon
Tue, 05-23-2006 - 8:17am
I've gotten the "I fell asleep" excuse before, too.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-27-2004
In reply to: cl_shywon
Tue, 05-23-2006 - 9:44am
I so agree with you and good for you, Countrygirl.
I do believe that the more you tolerate, the more b.s. you get, too.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-02-2005
In reply to: cl_shywon
Tue, 05-23-2006 - 10:07am
A very good opinion and one I completely agree with.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-27-2004
In reply to: cl_shywon
Tue, 05-23-2006 - 10:08am
Yup, very true, we teach people how to treat us and if we dont' put up with BS from the people we date then they will know that they must treat us with kindness and respect. Something that I need to work on more. I'm getting better but it's still going to take some practice for me in setting even more boundaries and letting someone know when they did something that was not ok with me. You WILL find a man that will stick to his word Shy, you just need to keep looking and believing that they are out there. Like someone said dating seems to be easier for some and harder for others. I'm one of those ones where it's been more difficult for but I think it has to do with me having a difficult childhood and having to reprogram my thinking into respecting and loving myself more and needing to pick partners that are more healthy.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-02-2005
In reply to: cl_shywon
Tue, 05-23-2006 - 10:12am

>Do you realize that if women never gave men second
>chances, no one would be dating or married?

No one would be getting divorced either. They would realise before it's too late that "second chance" men are losers.