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This sucks
| Sat, 05-20-2006 - 10:13pm |
I am completely and totally FED UP with flakey people...MEN in particular.
How is a woman supposed to find a guy to love and love her when she can't even get a guy to follow through on plans or better yet, even make a freakin' phone call?

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Uh, yeah...that's not what I said, Hal, but whatever!
Ok, I don't want to misquote you. This is what you said, verbatim.
"I didn't say she would be healthy, Hal ;-)! Being right for each other just means they can live with each other's issues...it has nothing to do with healthy!"
Ok, we will just have to agree to disagree. I believe a guy who is both into you and NOT A FLAKE will do those things, but if he's a flake, he's not going to behave differently than he always does, no matter HOW into a woman he is.
As for the pursuit, that's great if it works for you, I personally prefer to be pursued also, but I do feel that pursuing to the point of "pushing" and "begging" (your words) is obsessive and needy.
Sheri
Yes...that's someone who is right for him in the long run, IF it turns out that he's truly flaky and this behavior isn't just an aberration. It has nothing to do with someone giving him a 2nd chance to SEE if it was an aberration or not. Apples and oranges!
I *do* think healthy people give the benefit of the doubt, and 2nd chances...but not 3rd, 4th, etc. See my post #14 in this thread.
Sheri
Sheri,
Your opinion on this matter confounds me
Sorry, Hal, but I really don't think it's that confusing!
In a nutshell: IF a guy is a flake then chances are a woman who is right for him isn't going to be a model of emotional health (but there are some people who are totally laid back and who just don't CARE about stuff like that...and who's to say whether that's "healthy" or not).
But, even a guy who's not really a flake can do a flaky thing once in a while. People have lapses occasionally and behave out of character. So, before writing him off as a flake based on ONE incident, it's reasonable to give the guy a 2nd chance to show he's not a flake. But if he behaves like a flake *again*, and you're not into being with a flake, then you walk away.
That's it! Pretty simple, IMO ;-)!
Sheri
'But, even a guy who's not really a flake can do a flaky thing once in a while'
Forgetting a date is not a 'flaky thing to do'. Forgetting a date clearly spells 'NOT INTO' 'NOT VERY KEEN' and 'NOT VERY INTERESTED'.
I am puzzled by this whole 'flaky' thing.. it has nothing to do with flakiness (sp) or giving second chances. It has everything to do with the fact that when men are not particulary interested they become flaky and forgetful. *sigh - I though that was clear to anyone over the the age of 14*??
That's it from me.
You've obviously never dealt with or met a truly flaky person. Seriously, there are some people who make you wonder how they hold down a JOB or get anything done in their life, they are so flaky!
To expect a person like that to change their behavior and all of a sudden NOT be flaky because they *really like* someone...yeah, not gonna happen ;-).
And if the guy is not a flake, but truly isn't interested, that'll become clear enough, soon enough. I just don't believe in a "one strike" rule for every lapse (although there are certain things I do have a one strike rule on, like lying). You do, at least for this, and that's your perogative...no biggie! I'm just presenting a different view.
Sheri
>I just don't believe in a "one strike" rule for every lapse
This is what confounds me. You say that an "Emotionally Available" man will ask a woman for her number and then CALL to arrange a date. This (to me) implies that a man who can't do this isn't worth dating. You say that you would IGNORE a text message from a man asking you out on a date because you expect a phone call. Again, implying that a man who can't CALL and arrange a date isn't worth dating. You also say that you will lose interest in a man who doesn't call and arrange a date within 3 days of getting your number, implying that a man who makes you wait isn't worth dating. But, and this is really strange, you are so tolerant of a man who makes a date and COMPLETELY FORGETS about it. THIS is inconsistent.
I completely agree with everything twinsister70 has said on this issue. The only reason words like “Flaky” are used to justify the behaviour of men is because the truth upsets women. We saw a good example in this thread when what was essentially the truth was given instead of a ridiculous euphemism.
Yes, I do believe that a man who is interested, available and emotionally healthy will make that clear by asking the woman out. But just because a guy DOES ask someone out, doesn't mean he's any of the above (in other words, the reserve isn't true--a guy who asks someone out is not *necessarily* truly interested, available and emotionally healthy).
Re the other things: I am almost positive I said I would TELL a guy that text messaging doesn't work for me, so please email or call me in the future (in other words, give him another shot, as opposed to ignoring it), because that's what I did recently and I'm pretty sure I gave that example--but I'm sure you'll tell me if I didn't ;-). What I believe I said was that I could *understand* ignoring a text message.
And for the umpteenth time, I haven't said that I would COMPLETELY lose interest if a guy doesn't call right away, I have said that my interest level would *decrease* (and I KNOW I've said that more than once because you keep insisting on saying that I'd completely LOSE interest, when that's NOT what I'm saying!!!). That doesn't mean I wouldn't give a guy who called a week later a chance, it just means he'd have a longer row to hoe for me to go out with him again, because he's shown me that he's not all that interested. I'm dealing with that right now with one of the guys I'm seeing...and I'm very frustrated with the situation, because it feels like this guy isn't all that interested and that makes ME less interested, because he waited so long to call me and set up our 2nd date (we've since gone out a 3rd time, but I *still* don't have a strong sense that he's really interested in me, so I may chop him because I don't like someone not showing me clearly that he's interested, and he's definitely been put on the back burner compared to another guy who IS showing strong interest)...but my point is, despite my declining interest, I *have* given him another shot to show me something different.
Also, in Shy's situation, this isn't someone she just met, it's someone she's been out with several times. I would definitely tend to give someone I have spent some time with a bit MORE benefit of the doubt than someone I hadn't gone out with at all or just once.
Look, I'm in no way saying that what this guy did was great. And he's shown by his subsequent behavior that he doesn't deserve another chance, so in many ways the discussion of doing so is moot. But if he'd been more apologetic and immediately made other plans to see her, I don't think it would have been unwise of her to give him one more shot...that's all I'm saying.
Sheri
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