A suggestion... control what you can.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2005
A suggestion... control what you can.
4
Fri, 09-30-2005 - 9:54pm
So I've read all of your posts and first I want to say I KNOW. I know what you're feeling. I know how it is to walk into that empty house. I know that nothing else can equal that feeling of wanting someone in your life. I know how tired you get of the quiet. I know how lonely it is. It's lonely on the summer day when you see hundreds of couples in the park. It's lonely at dinner when you cook enough food for four and freeze most of it. It's lonely at parties when EVERYONE has someone to sit with at dinner except you. It's lonely in the winter when you watch the snow fall, alone. I know it is lonely and it is not easy.
And here's where the "but" comes in.... It's lonely BUT that doesn't have to be your attitude. Your every breath, movement and interaction with the world doesn't have to seep with lonliness. Yes, there will be hard days but you cannot let that dominate. You cannot spend hour after hour wishing your life away. Yes, finding "the one" will be like nothing else, ever. True, your life will change in all the perfect ways. BUT, in the meantime, your life is happening RIGHT NOW. The sun is rising and setting each day and you only have one task, to live it.
I know it makes no sense. I know you see the joy in being a couple, being close with someone, being cared about but this is not the only joy available to you. There's happiness to be found in being with yourself and CHOOSING your attitude. We're all old enough to know we cannot control this, yet we live our daily lives as if we are doing something wrong. Maybe we are, maybe we're not but we have no choice but to move forward and enjoy our lives. Enjoy the change of the leaves in the fall. Enjoy the opportunity you've been given to have a career in a world that most women don't. Take advantage of your freedom and go out, discover, travel... even if it's just to the bookstore.
This may all seem like complete crap to some of you, but that doesn't change one fact... you can control your attitude and I'd encourage you to remind yourself of that at every opportunity. Even if you have to paste notes all over your office, house and car... do it. Control what you can.
Avatar for cl_shywon
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Fri, 09-30-2005 - 10:54pm

I think maybe you should stick around awhile and possibly read some of the archives.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-27-2004
Sat, 10-01-2005 - 2:44am
It is extremely tough being single and we do need to vent about it and people that are coupled never seem to understand this because they are living their happy coupled lives. I think though that this poster is just trying to give us some hope and courage to live our lives as happy as we can live it in the meantime until the right one comes along. I think this was a wonderful post and thanks for the hope and faith. I really need to start having a fun time and mean not just faking it but having a fun time with doing whatever I want being single. There is nothing we can do right at this point in time to control the situation we are in except date and try to get out there but there is no guarantee even if we are doing it that we'll meet the right one anytime soon. Since there is no real control of the situation it would be best to just try to be as happy and as positive as we can about things I think. I'm trying to keep a good attitude, i really am, it's tough but i feel worse when I'm keeping a "woe is me attitude" than when i'm actually just letting go and letting things fall into place and trying to have as much fun as possible being single.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2005
Sat, 10-01-2005 - 10:39am
I'm glad you see what I meant by this. It's just gets hard when I see my friends in life and so many other women get down on themselves because they have one thing on their mind.
I just want single people, women in particular, to remember not to forsake the present for any other time in their lives. It sometimes is hard and needs to be a constant reminder but that's ok. And remember, I'm on the Single Life board, too.
Avatar for cl_shywon
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Sat, 10-01-2005 - 12:26pm

I got your point and I understand exactly what you meant.