Summer blues
Find a Conversation
| Mon, 05-28-2007 - 3:49am |
It may sound weird. Summer is the time when young people are supposed to go out and have fun and enjoy themselves. But since school's been out the past 2 weeks, I've been feeling depressed. Coming back to my home town has reminded me of how little things changed for me since high school. In 3 years of college, I'm still not popular, I haven't made many friends or met a lot of girls. I still haven't even had a girlfriend or had sex yet.
It's just that maybe for the past 8 or 9 years, since I was old enough to start liking girls and care about popularity and stuff like that, I've pledged each summer to better myself in some way so as to have it better next year. I started getting in shape, getting into mountain sports, dressing better, reading, stuff like that. But still, no matter how much I try to better myself, things won't get better for me.
Being back in my home town is the biggest reminder. I still see some of my old high school mates around town a lot, but because since I was practically a nobody in high school, no body cares how much I've striven to improve myself. Even girls who I once liked and spent months being "just friends" with only give me a passive wave when they walk by in the town commons.
Eitherway, it's really been getting to me that this may be just another summer. I desperately want my last year in college to be an eventful one though. I want to be invited to more parties and meet more people. I want girls I hooked up with one night to smile and say hi to me when I pass by them on campus. I think I would like to have a summer romance; just some female companionship (that's not limited to just friendship) for a little while. But I have a discouraging doubt and fear that it just may not happen for me.

Pages
>>>Have you ever noticed that a person who wants to lose weight thinks about it all the time and never loses a pound??<<<
No, I have NEVER noticed that. I've noticed the complete opposite actually. People who wanted to lose weight and strived hard for it lost the weight, myself included (I've lost 40 pounds over the past 3 years). I have never, ever seen a person lose weight simply by stopping thinking about it. To stop thinking and minding your own weight is usually how weight gain happens.
>>>Just give this a try. STOP, thinking about it!! <<<
I'm a male. I'm psychologically and physiologically incapable of not thinking about it.
My final response to you is the same as my first response to you: Find a cognitive therapist and work out the kinds of signs you're giving to others. You stonewalled my first sugestion with being a poor college student but if you have health insurance, mental health is a part of that. If you don't want to go through insurance, you can find therapists who work on a sliding scale so that you can afford it. Frankly, given how much you want what's external to you and out of your control (people responding to you in a certain way), that's my best advice.
Take a look at what you're focusing on: being popular, getting a girlfriend, and/or having sex. Those are external goals that you can't control; it takes at least one other human to agree. You've done some self improvement, but you don't value the work you've done, you just bash yourself that it didn't make other people notice. Perhaps that's because you're still giving off the vibe of a "wannabe" not a confident person in your own right. Someone people want to be around. Start small. Make some more friends, make some female friends who you don't try to make into girlfriends, then work on a more meaningful relationship with someone else.
Good luck.
You expected to be popular in college? How small is your college?? I would expect you to make some good good friends and if that hasn't happen in three years, then it sucks. I do understand your feeling with not being popular in high school and all and it does sucks that when your classmates see you, they just wave and walk away. I believe one of the responders, lar21, was saying something about not focusing too much on getting a summer fling or so and having sex. Coming from a woman, this is how it works. Maybe the weight example didn't fly for you, but when you so much want a relationship,fling, sex etc, you tend to come off as DESPERATE. Trust me, there's nothing sexy, cute and fun about desperation and people can not only smell that desperation but they can see it. I've been there and I've done that. You actually went out of your way to do some self improvement and apparently it didn't work. Well, it's not working because you did it for the wrong reason. It's confidence. Since you didn't do the self improvement to simply improve yourself for you, you don't have confidence to match it so people are not seeing you in the good clothes, but rather, they see your non confidence and probably don't notice your self improvement. There's a fine line between confidence and corkiness but there's a way to be confidence without being corky. If you are not happy with yourself, what makes you think somebody will want to come and be with that unhappy person. I don't want to sound harsh but I want you to understand that, going through all the trouble to pretty much be somebody you are not is not going to last forever and one of two things will happen. When you find a woman and you are not able to keep up all the good clothes and blah blah that you went through to get her, 1)they will either leave because they are confuse with who you really are 2)maybe, just maybe, they will learn to like the real you. What I think you lack is confidence in yourself and people can smell it like a cheap cologne. Do another self improvement but this time, do it for you.
My insurance only covers 2 visits a year, and I really don't have that much expendable income. The average session costs $100-$150, which means I can afford to go once every 1 or 2 months IF I spend my money only on bare necessities while I'm at college. I don't know if I'm able to do that. I might go for the 2 visits, but I want a guaranteed way to make the most out of it. I don't want to be told the same things I've heard a million times before.
How can you make friends with girls? Like I said before, I don't think it's possible to be friends with girls. There'd always be a constant sexual attraction towards them, and being around someone I can't have would only cause me more frustration. I don't think many girls are interested in spending their Saturday nights getting drunk and playing videogames like me and my friends do. I would have to censor myself constantly. I can't jokingly slap her or make lewd or sexual jokes and comments around her, like all guys do around each other, without fear of legal repercussion. If you have to censor yourself around someone constantly, are you truly their friend? I've been just friends with girls before, and I have to say, they were the most draining and unsatisfying relationships I've ever had.
If I do make friends with a girl, how can I guarantee that I can actually have an enjoyable time with her and that the only time we'll talk is when she wants to complain about her boyfriend or an argument with her girlfriends?
Pages