Summer blues
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| Mon, 05-28-2007 - 3:49am |
It may sound weird. Summer is the time when young people are supposed to go out and have fun and enjoy themselves. But since school's been out the past 2 weeks, I've been feeling depressed. Coming back to my home town has reminded me of how little things changed for me since high school. In 3 years of college, I'm still not popular, I haven't made many friends or met a lot of girls. I still haven't even had a girlfriend or had sex yet.
It's just that maybe for the past 8 or 9 years, since I was old enough to start liking girls and care about popularity and stuff like that, I've pledged each summer to better myself in some way so as to have it better next year. I started getting in shape, getting into mountain sports, dressing better, reading, stuff like that. But still, no matter how much I try to better myself, things won't get better for me.
Being back in my home town is the biggest reminder. I still see some of my old high school mates around town a lot, but because since I was practically a nobody in high school, no body cares how much I've striven to improve myself. Even girls who I once liked and spent months being "just friends" with only give me a passive wave when they walk by in the town commons.
Eitherway, it's really been getting to me that this may be just another summer. I desperately want my last year in college to be an eventful one though. I want to be invited to more parties and meet more people. I want girls I hooked up with one night to smile and say hi to me when I pass by them on campus. I think I would like to have a summer romance; just some female companionship (that's not limited to just friendship) for a little while. But I have a discouraging doubt and fear that it just may not happen for me.

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>>>You expected to be popular in college? How small is your college??<<<
About 10,000-15,000. I don't know if popular is the right word. I know high school social structure is extremely different from college social structure. I don't know if "popular" is the right word. Still though, I want to be the guy that gets invited or let into all the best parties. The guy who has hundreds of posts on his Facebook and Myspace (and not entirely from other guys) The guy who gets invited to road trips all the time.
>>>Coming from a woman, this is how it works. Maybe the weight example didn't fly for you, but when you so much want a relationship,fling, sex etc, you tend to come off as DESPERATE. Trust me, there's nothing sexy, cute and fun about desperation and people can not only smell that desperation but they can see it.<<<
I never understood this. How can I NOT be desperate? I'm a 20 year old man and I've never had sex or even a girlfriend. I haven't had a date in months. Of course I'm desperate, just like a man who hasn't eaten in 20 days will be desperate for food, or who hasn't had anything to drink in 20 hours will be desperate for water.
I am desperate. The only way to stop being desperate is to get a girl, but how am I supposed to get a girl if they are scarred away by that desperation in the first place? What possible way is there to get rid of that desperation? Is there a way to atleast hide it?
>>>If you are not happy with yourself, what makes you think somebody will want to come and be with that unhappy person.<<<
I don't know. But if a girl is cute, I honestly do not care if she's unhappy or unconfident. I doubt I'd even care if she was chronically depressed or had anger management issues. I still find her attractive. Those things just don't phase me, so I don't understand why they're an issue at all with females.
>>>When you find a woman and you are not able to keep up all the good clothes and blah blah that you went through to get her, 1)they will either leave because they are confuse with who you really are 2)maybe, just maybe, they will learn to like the real you.<<<
Which is why ideally, I would like only one-night-stands, friends-with-benefits and at the very most, short term flings instead of long term relationships. I wouldn't have to keep up the facade for long, and so I can leave her and quickly find someone else before she breaks my heart and leaves me.
Edited 6/7/2007 6:06 am ET by redonculous
Edited 6/7/2007 6:07 am ET by redonculous
'...But if a girl is cute, I honestly do not care if she's unhappy or unconfident. I doubt I'd even care if she was chronically depressed or had anger management issues. I still find her attractive. Those things just don't phase me, so I don't understand why they're an issue at all with females'.
..Ehm. I've said it before, because you asked before (about 38957849 times todate), and I will say it again because you are asking again: the reason all those things ARE an issue with females around you MAY very well be because you are simply not 'cute' enough for them. Sorry to be blunt. End of.
Edited 6/7/2007 10:28 am ET by happychick1004
Most counselors will work on a sliding fee scale for much less than you have quoted here. I know this is true because I used to be a counselor. Also, if you go to a local MH clinic rather than a private psychiatrist the price will be much cheaper. If you really want to go, you will find a way and most counselors will work with you.
As long as you believe this statement you will make it true. You already said you have had girls as friends in the past, just because you were attracted to them didn't make them not your friends. They just didn't want the same kind of relationship you did. For the rest of your life you will meet people at school or work or out in the world that you are attracted to but you have to just be friends because of the situation (ie no dating policy at work, or they already taken)
There are no guarantees about anything. Life is trial and error, plain and simple. If you meet a girl that you don't like conversing with or being around, then she is not the girl for you!
YG
YG
http://twodatediva.blogspot.com/
>>>As long as you believe this statement you will make it true. You already said you have had girls as friends in the past, just because you were attracted to them didn't make them not your friends.<<<
I'm just saying, my past friendships with girls were extremely unsatisfying and draining. I really felt like all I was dump for all their issues and problems and just a source of reassurance or validation for them. I just want to know how to avoid that again? How can I find a female friend who I can have fun around?
And besides, how do you go about actually making a friend like that? If I go up to talk to a girl, if I genuinely just want to be friends and nothing more, she's going to assume I'm just trying to come onto her just on the fact that I'm a guy. How do I get around that?
And would I be doing this again? How would making friends with girls benefit me? I remember someone saying once that girls often like to hook up their friends around, but why hasn't it worked for me? Why didn't any my former female friends play matchmaker with me and one of their friends?
>>>There are no guarantees about anything. Life is trial and error, plain and simple. If you meet a girl that you don't like conversing with or being around, then she is not the girl for you!<<<
That's true. But I won't have the discipline or will or stop leaving her. I know my desperation will force me, like it has in the past, to stick to her like glue and put all my hopes and energy into her, hoping she'll like me back, despite how draining and frustrating it is talking to her.
Visit a prostitute. Seriously. That's what prostitutes are for. Once you rid yourself of the baggage of never having had sex, you will interact with girls a lot more freely.
Whats basically weighing on you is peer pressure; everybody around you has done it except you. Thats so unfair ! Big deal. Keep in mind that those who are sexually active in school and college tend not to be high achievers in life. Their fun begin early, and end early.
So once again, go find a whore, pay her $30 and be done with it.
Edited 6/10/2007 5:02 am ET by fruitedplain
It's not so much that I'm comparing my life to everyone else who I went to high school with. It's just that whenever I'm back in my home town, I can't help but reminisce about high school, and when I think about it, I realize how little things have changed for me.
Growing up, I was teased a lot, ignored by all the cool kids and had few friends. All I wanted to be was the guy who left school on lunch brunch break to smoke pot with a bunch of friends. I wanted to be asked out to dances and proms. I wanted to be invited to make-out parties. There was actually a rainbow party involving several kids in my school. Do you know how excruciating it was as a teenage boy to not be able to participate in that?
In high school, I was basically a nobody who couldn't get a date, had few friend and who'd never had sex before. I vowed to change that when I entered college, but here I am 3 years later. I'm entering my last year of college and I'm still a nobody who can't get a date, has few friends and still has never had sex before.
I just want things to change for me, but coming to this realization has been a really crippling blow to my self esteem. It's all the more frustrating because it's not like I'm lazy and sitting on my ass. I've tried so hard to improve myself in whatever way possible to attract more people to me.
This coming fall being my last year in college, and it's basically the last chance I have to live the life I want for myself, but I'm losing faith that it will or even CAN happen.
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