a summer fling?(long)

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-03-2003
a summer fling?(long)
10
Mon, 06-09-2003 - 1:52am
well i told you guys about the guy i met and how we hit it off well friday we hung out at his house watching movies and started making out almost to having sex and no he's acting a little distant i know he's been busy helping his friend get over some recent issues we talked about seeing each other on tuesday no it's possibly thursday and then he said if not thursday then this weekend sometime he used to sound so excited to see me and talkto me now he's kind of busy i know we are only dating and its not the end of the world i did make the mistake of asking him if he could see me as being his girlfriend he said its a good possiblity, the whole way home from his house he was very quiet but we were both tired as well...tonight i felt as he was distant and giving me the blow off,maybe i'm just being to sensative or its real i have a bad feeling in my gut that our fun times are over but then i tell myself it could be cause he really is busy, and not to assume anything but everytime i got dumped in the past i had this exact thing happen the bad gut feeling and then there it is i just wanna be friends, it sucks cause i like him anwe have so much fun together help...
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 06-09-2003 - 8:11am
I know a man is interested in me - the package - when he calls me in advance, asks me out - usually for a weekend night - puts effort into planning the date, etc. I don't go for the let's stay in and watch movies, right away - if he said there is a possibility you could be exclusive - fine - means he likes you, is not in love, and my guess is that you are being too available to him and not showing by your actions that you expect to be treated like a lady. Figure out what you're worth and stick to that standard.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-03-2003
Mon, 06-09-2003 - 8:42am
see that's the thing he told me he dosen't want to rush into things and i said the same as well, we haven't had sex yet i just think i'm thinking to much and he really is busy
Avatar for cl_shywon
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Mon, 06-09-2003 - 11:04am
Well, I'm a big believer in gut instincts. If you see him being distant, I hate to say this, but the best thing to do is create some distance yourself. It sounds like playing games, but I think it's the best thing to do. Make yourself unavailable to him, and if he wants to see you, he'll put forth some effort. If he doesn't, then, well, you've got your answer. I'm not usually one to advocate playing hard to get, but if he's already pulling away, I think the best thing for your pride is to do the same.

Good luck.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 06-09-2003 - 1:03pm
I only date really busy people - just works out that way - men who travel, work 60 plus hours a week (as I do often!) - and when a man is interested he makes the time, even if it is a two minute phone call to check in and tell you he is thinking of you and cannot wait to see you.

If he said he wants to take things slow that is because he is not sure yet if you'd make a good couple - relegate him to the back of your mind and date other people, socialize, etc. Do not - do not have sex with him unless you two become exclusive and committed.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 06-09-2003 - 1:18pm
Let me tell you something!!! I have been casually dating someone for 3 months now. He doesn't want to "rush things". Which not only means we are not having sex - but it means we are not exclusive. He wants to be exclusive - he only dates one woman at a time however casual it may be. But he is not giving me what I want (a serious LTR) so I must continue dating and my search. If sometime in the future, our r/ship takes off - great! If not, I enjoy his friendship and I'll find someone else. My point here is: I am not letting him dictate the r/ship. I need to remain true to MY desire which is to have a committed r/ship with him - or someone else if need be. Don't be afraid to speak your mind and ask for what you want. If you can't do that - maybe you are not ready for the kind of communication a r/ship requires? Because if you cannot be honest about what you truly want and voice - how will anyone ever know? If it scares him away...then he's not capable of being the partner you need. If he's emotionally mature, he'll be like my guy and say "I can't give you that right now. Can you continue the friendship knowing that?" And then its up to you to do as I am or end it altogether. Thats the worse case. The best case is he will give you what you want.

On the other issue, I agree with Deena that dates shoule be made clear and in advance. My guy is very busy. He has only cancelled a date once b/c he had to go on a business trip so he invited me along. I would never accept "maybe tues, maybe thurs" as a date. In that case, I would be saying yes to anything fun that arose for those nights. Why would hold those days open for someone who cannot commit to a day? Thats inconsiderate and selfish behaviour. I deserve better...and so, probably do you.

Good luck,

Go.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-03-2003
Mon, 06-09-2003 - 1:46pm
i guess i'm gonna end this before i get anymore into it,you guys are right he has both my cell phone and my home phone numbers and hasn't called either of them except friday when we were gonna meet up, i guess its one more lesson for the books,
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 06-09-2003 - 2:29pm
I have a question...have you told him all this? Laid it on the line? I would suggest if you haven't (even if you've made up your mind to end it) then talk to him. Its like anything, open honest communication needs to be practised...why not do it? And maybe you can come to an agreement like mine? To maintain a friendship?
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-03-2003
Mon, 06-09-2003 - 3:41pm
no i just feel weird i mean its only been a week thing i don't wanna sound like the whiny type we communicate pretty well it's just always online and or when we are out, i'm just

confused, i've only had one boyfriend my whole life and this dating game is new to me.....

i thought about it today maybe i'll ride this week out not pay much attention to it and see what happens
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 06-09-2003 - 3:58pm
Ok, that does make a difference. One week, does not a r/ship make. But you can INSIST on him respecting your time. Set the standard for the future that you will not wait around w/o definate plans for a date. Whether its a week or the first date - you DESERVE that consideration. But you are right, as far as whats happening/where you stand...its WAY too soon to even be worried about it. Cut down on the email/IM stuff and hold out for real dates...IF...you want a real r/ship to develop.

In my situation, we only emailed like once a week in the beginning...so its a little different. But when we discussed why he wasn't ready, he was very clear about why/how/when he will be ready in the future. That, and his consideration of my wants/needs are the only reason I am keeping him in the "casually dating" and not "friendship" category. And even then, I figure with the mini-vacations and getaways we have planned over the summer things will either heat up - or they won't. By the end of the summer, we either be in a r/ship, only friends or not in contact any more.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-03-2003
Tue, 06-10-2003 - 5:28pm
i found out why i'm on the old emotional rollercoaster that time of the month is here i'm not making any major decisons till its over but we talked and he has been really busy we are getting together tomorrow.. i've never ran my own buisness so i don't know how hectic it can be, he said between the stress of being swamped and him being the sole employee of the buisness he got a little distant he apologized and i got a huge bouqet of flowers this morning at work=)