Swallowing my pride

Avatar for cl_shywon
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Swallowing my pride
56
Tue, 09-04-2007 - 8:49pm

I swore I'd never put a profile (err...excuse me, "portrait") back up on match.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-19-2003
Fri, 09-07-2007 - 9:02am

"After dating 30 men over a three year period, I would say there was hardly a time you were not single. I think you are addicted to men ! Did you take down all your ads ?"

I was single the entire time as I was not exclusive with any. And yes, all ads have been torn down. I hope I never have to put them back up.

And I'm glad to finally say that I'm not at all addicted to men and dating as I've currently thrown my hands up and quit. I refuse to date right now. I'm sick of the game.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-27-2007
Fri, 09-07-2007 - 9:47am

i've done match.com off and on for seven (YES, SEVEN) years. i totally understand where you're coming from. i had signed up for the six-month guarantee deal where if you don't meet someone, you get another six months FREE. i am currently in my fourth month of FREE membership and i am sooooo sick of it. i finally cancelled, even though it's free, just because it's costing me time and energy, not to mention the emotional ups and downs of feeling rejected by people who've never even met you. i've had a love - hate relationship with match.com since the start. sometimes i feel energized and optimistic about it, and other times i hate every minute of it.

i got so tired of focusing on all that stuff - clicking to see who had viewed me, and then wondering why they looked but didn't contact. checking to see how many had viewed me, and resetting it to zero just to keep track. sending a bunch of emails and getting nothing back. getting winks from people who don't interest me, and some of whom i was almost insulted that they actually thought i would be interested in them. that sounds incredibly superficial and mean, but you know how it is! i would click on the "my match" page thinking: "okay, let me see the nice collection of losers who are actually interested in me."

""""Does anyone actually get a fair amount of initial emails? What about replies to your emails? I just never seem to get any, and I know I'm attractive enough to reel something in."""
no - i don't get a lot from people that actually interest me. and i'm like you - i think i am attractive enough to reel something in, but it just doesn't happen like that. i get winks and emails on occasion, but most of those are from people who do not interest me. so far even the ones that turned into actual dates have been few and far between - and have not been anything exciting. i get maybe one or two emails each week. and i've had friends read my profile and tell me it was really well written, and that my pictures were good. i posted about 7 photos.... i think men truly focus on the pictures more than anything else. you know how men are...

maybe it's just me, but i'm exhausted by match.com. you have to be really invested, and able to maintain a positive attitude about it in order to do it for long. i read a pretty good article on here recently about online dating, and if i can find it i will post it for you. Good luck my friend!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-01-2007
Fri, 09-07-2007 - 10:58am
OMG! This happens to me all the time! I met one really nice guy and we dated for awhile, but I had some stuff going on in my life and couldn't give my all to the relationship. I didn't think it was fair to him that I was distracted so I ended it. I get a lot of guys in their 50's. My parents are the same age. Eeek.

~Heather~

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-27-2007
Sat, 09-08-2007 - 7:57am

""What do you wanna bet that if I put up a picture of a hottie in a bathing suit that my inbox would be flooded? Is anyone else ever tempted to do that?""

i was totally thinking of doing the same thing! but i think we already know what the result would be, and it's not worth my time and energy right now. if someone actually wants to conduct this little sociological experiment i would LOVE to hear all about it!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-19-2003
Sat, 09-08-2007 - 11:03am

Oh i could already tell you what would happen if you did that; you'd attract hords of men looking for sex and who view you as a sex object only.

I actually think that detracts even fewer quality men.

Avatar for cl_shywon
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Sat, 09-08-2007 - 11:32am

I agree, and I know it wouldn't prove anything.


I guess I wonder who in the world all of the "good" guys are contacting!

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-19-2003
Sat, 09-08-2007 - 11:39am

*sigh* I have a really hard time believing the really good catches need to even be on these sites. I really think those are either taken and have no problem finding love in real life or are so physically unattractive, most women would have a hard time getting past it. I think lots of really good men fall into that latter category.

Poo!

Avatar for cl_shywon
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Sat, 09-08-2007 - 11:45am

Hey, but I'm on a dating site, so you can't say that.

Avatar for cl_shywon
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Sat, 09-08-2007 - 2:47pm

I have to add my most "OH mygosh" moment from my online adventures to date.


I was shopping the profiles this morning, seeing if I could collect enough men to email when I came across one that I thought sounded pretty damn good.

Avatar for mhash
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Sat, 09-08-2007 - 4:29pm

I too have done online dating on-and-off since my divorce coming on eight years now. I have had some great relationships from OLD. I still check Match.com to see which new women post their profiles for I've seen women's pictures when I started looking so the same ones have been looking as well.

I have been tempted to get back on from seeing some nice looking women who do sign up and are new but the older I get the more I feel that online is not the way to go for me. I believe that expectations and the type of person (usually just out of a relationship) from a person who uses OLD sites make them not a good fit for me in my stage in life.

I want a committed, long term relationship and even though most women say they want it, I believe they are still healing plus the "shopping cart" dating mentality from OLD comes into play. They usually jump in but soon get overwhelmed and pull way back because of the time and emotional energy commitments it takes to date from online.

Mark