Tactful honesty

Avatar for cl_shywon
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Tactful honesty
13
Thu, 06-09-2005 - 11:06pm

I know I subject myself to this madness, so I can't complain about what I get, but SHEESH!!


So I'm online last night, killing time till I'm tired and a guy pops up and wants to chat.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-25-2005
In reply to: cl_shywon
Thu, 06-09-2005 - 11:39pm

I think it depends on how well I know the person and how well they know me. If it is a good friend or a co-worker, just tell me the cold hard truth. Especially, if it is related to them having a conflict with me. The sooner we bring it to the table, the faster we can get the problem solved. I can't stand passive-aggressive behavior.

But with a guy I barely know, I would just say the nice tactful white lie regardless of his preference. But then again, he didn't ask for details and "You are not that interested". You are not obligated to tell him why. So you are telling the truth. Just not the WHOLE truth.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2004
In reply to: cl_shywon
Thu, 06-09-2005 - 11:52pm
Ah, the challenge. You've already engaged him, so how to get out of the quicksand? Tell him the truth.....You'd really like to spend time w/him but your psycho family has suddenly seemed to go nuts and requires your undivided attention so none of them murders anybody. Think that'll solve the problem? :)
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-02-2005
In reply to: cl_shywon
Fri, 06-10-2005 - 2:46am

Hi shy,

>I tell him that sometimes, it's an issue of the
>truth being just plain too mean to say outloud.

I agree but there have been times when I have been interrogated after a break-up. I think people want the truth (or at least a reason) so that their imagination doesn't run wild. I would give them a "nice" reason rather than just say "we are not a match".

eg/ If I was dating you, I would say "I don't like the way you wear your hair" rather than "you are too uncool for me" because I know that would absolutely devastate you.

As for the "slow" man, perhaps you should say "We think differently and I know this will cause problems between us"

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2004
In reply to: cl_shywon
Fri, 06-10-2005 - 8:37am

Just curious...why'd you give him your #

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-08-2004
In reply to: cl_shywon
Fri, 06-10-2005 - 8:55am

Um...ok.


iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2004
In reply to: cl_shywon
Fri, 06-10-2005 - 9:14am

I was kidding in my post about going "baaa"....don't do that.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-08-2004
In reply to: cl_shywon
Fri, 06-10-2005 - 9:39am
Heh...I actually liked the Baaa part.
Avatar for cl_shywon
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
In reply to: cl_shywon
Fri, 06-10-2005 - 11:31am

I was interested until I talked to him.

Avatar for cl_shywon
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
In reply to: cl_shywon
Fri, 06-10-2005 - 11:34am

Exactly! I don't feel like I'm obligated to tell him anything at all.

Avatar for cl_shywon
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
In reply to: cl_shywon
Fri, 06-10-2005 - 11:37am

I wouldn't believe you.

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