Talk about frustration!

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Talk about frustration!
23
Wed, 11-20-2013 - 8:21pm

I'll have to admit that I haven't "been with a man"--well not even kissing in years--I know that's pathetic.  I've had offers to go home with strange men from bars who I wouldn't give the time of day to, but I'm still not that desperate--yet!  So Sat. night I went to a salsa dance--a couple of my friends were supposed to come, but for various reasons, they all backed out.  I figured my choices were either to stay home alone (kids were going out) or to go by myself & see what would happen, so I went alone.  I knew that there would be people there that I knew, plus it was free, so there wasn't much risk.  There was a lesson first so worst case scenario, I'd get a free lesson, then if it was boring, I could still go home.

So my friend G was there--I met him over the summer, talked about him before--he's also a lawyer.  I am sure he's not interested in me since he was telling me about other women he's interested in.  HIs big dilemma was that he liked one woman, but she smokes & he hates smoke so wondered if he could stand to be with her.  I did notice that a lot of times if he didn't feel like dancing he'd come over to chat with me, so one time, he just starts talking about sex and whether I had a partner!  Very unexpected there--I wondered what he was getting at until he started talking about the other woman.  That kind of annoyed me, so I said "well, do you know which man here I would be interested in?" and pointed him out.  He had mentioned that he hadn't eaten and the event got over at 10:00 so I asked him if he wanted to get something to eat and he said yes.  We drove (separately) to his neighborhood and then there we got some pizza--the place was the kind where you order at the counter--no atmosphere.  Again he started in with the sex talk, but that's not all we talked about--dating, religion, work, etc.  I did really think it was strange and wondered why he even brought up the topic if he was not trying to get with me.  We stayed and talked about 1 1/2 hrs, then he walked me to my car, gave me a hug & that was that.

The 2nd guy is a guy I have known for years and dance with regularly.  He's married but has a very odd marriage--I don't know what's going on there.  I know that he goes out dancing w/o his wife every weekend night.  A lot of times I'll see him on Friday at a ballroom place, which isn't really the type of place where you would pick someone up, but he'll also go to a disco that is a pickup place.  Plus he's a travel agent and he goes on vacations alone all the time.  So every time we're in class we make all these flirty comments to each other and joke around--I don't take it seriously or think anything is going to happen.  I just do it for fun.  But it's just like all this sexual tension is happening and it's driving me crazy since I have no opportunity to do anything!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2008
Thu, 11-21-2013 - 1:33am
That thing with G asking you "if you have a partner" is kinda ballsy. Unless he was interested in you, why would he ask that? As for guy #2, I find it odd that he always goes out dancing on weekends without his wife. Maybe they have a don't ask don't tell marriage arrangement.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2008
Thu, 11-21-2013 - 1:33am
That thing with G asking you "if you have a partner" is kinda ballsy. Unless he was interested in you, why would he ask that? As for guy #2, I find it odd that he always goes out dancing on weekends without his wife. Maybe they have a don't ask don't tell marriage arrangement.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2008
Thu, 11-21-2013 - 1:34am
That thing with G asking you "if you have a partner" is kinda ballsy. Unless he was interested in you, why would he ask that? As for guy #2, I find it odd that he always goes out dancing on weekends without his wife. Maybe they have a don't ask don't tell marriage arrangement.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2008
Thu, 11-21-2013 - 1:34am
That thing with G asking you "if you have a partner" is kinda ballsy. Unless he was interested in you, why would he ask that? As for guy #2, I find it odd that he always goes out dancing on weekends without his wife. Maybe they have a don't ask don't tell marriage arrangement.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2008
Thu, 11-21-2013 - 1:37am
That thing with G asking you "if you have a partner" is kinda ballsy. Unless he was interested in you, why would he ask that? As for guy #2, I find it odd that he always goes out dancing on weekends without his wife. Maybe they have a don't ask don't tell marriage arrangement.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2008
Thu, 11-21-2013 - 2:33am
That thing with G asking you "if you have a partner" is kinda ballsy. Unless he was interested in you, why would he ask that? As for guy #2, I find it odd that he always goes out dancing on weekends without his wife. Maybe they have a don't ask don't tell marriage arrangement.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2008
Thu, 11-21-2013 - 4:40am
That thing with G asking you "if you have a partner" is kinda ballsy. Unless he was interested in you, why would he ask that? As for guy #2, I find it odd that he always goes out dancing on weekends without his wife. Maybe they have a don't ask don't tell marriage arrangement.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2008
Thu, 11-21-2013 - 4:51am
Okay so I just noticed this posted multiple times. Can someone please tell me how to delete when this happens? I only see an edit or flag option.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-06-2006
Thu, 11-21-2013 - 6:19am

Hi Musiclover

Well, to not have had any kind of intimate contact with a man for years is extremely hard on a woman... I absolutely understand your frustration, because have first hand experience in this (no sex for years), though that (thankfully) lies in my long gone past.... That’s why Music, I sincerely hope you wont be offended at my suggestion or find it inappropriate or somehow *uncalled for*.. Hm, how about you.. hire a.. good looking, well-built, same(ish)-age .. *escort*?? Find a serious professionally working *agency* in a big city near you and .. well go for it?? A nice dinner in a atmospheric restaurant, relaxing with couple of drinks, and then, anything may or may not happen, just as per your inner feel / wish (a classy little hotel or NO classy little hotel, if ykhim :). To just .. completely get it out of your system so that next time you meet someone appealing, you don’t feel any urges inside to .. *jump* him immediately :) and can do the whole *getting to know better* part without any inner pressures?? I personally absolutely do not find anything wrong about this idea and would consider it for myself if I was in your situation. After all, men do it all the time, why cannot we?

 (PS: Do you have a friend who you can confide in re: this plan and agree that you and her will periodically call each other, and maybe some 'danger' code word, JUST to be on the safe side??)

Avatar for cfk_3
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-1999
Thu, 11-21-2013 - 8:01am

I found myself wondering what the guy you shared pizza with would have done if you made it blatantly obvious that you wanted him assuming, you do . . . I wasn't sure . . . but then I thought, well, if they did the deed, would it be socially awkward for the two of you in the future?  I think sometimes all a guy needs is the green light.  Of course, it takes some confidence to put that out there.     

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