Tarnished views?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-06-2003
Tarnished views?
7
Sat, 04-19-2003 - 12:08am
One things that has been bugging me the last few days is whether having some sexual fun with this guy could tarnish my views on future guys i date.

I wonder if i will look for sexual compatibility early on after seeing a few guys casually for a while.


Avatar for cl_shywon
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Sat, 04-19-2003 - 11:25am
Do you mean that you're afraid that if you sleep with someone early, you'll do it again and again?

I think that if you just follow what your gut tells you about someone, you'll be okay. Don't worry about what others think or say is right. Do what YOU want to do!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 04-19-2003 - 3:37pm
Your question is very confusing. I could take it a number of ways. But I will write this - whatever you do, make SURE that its what you WANT to be doing. And make sure that it falls within the values and boundaries you set for yourself. Casual sex can have very uncasual consequences...so think about whether you are ready/willing to handle that with the person. Thats why its better to get to know the guy/gal BEFORE you get physical with them - they could be in your life forever or you may need them - will they be there? Will you want them to? Sex is never just sex.

Good luck, Go.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-06-2003
Sun, 04-20-2003 - 12:52am
cl-shywon said:

"Do you mean that you're afraid that if you sleep with someone early, you'll do it again and again?"

Yes, thats is one fear i have. I am concerned that i will judge future guys i meet and consider dating on whether they are physically compatible with me early on.

"Don't worry about what others think or say is right. Do what YOU want to do!"

I'm not really concerned about what others think. I am just concerned about damaging how i may view potential relationships.


goroque said:

"Your question is very confusing. I could take it a number of ways. But I will write this - whatever you do, make SURE that its what you WANT to be doing. And make sure that it falls within the values and boundaries you set for yourself. Casual sex can have very uncasual consequences...so think about whether you are ready/willing to handle that with the person. Thats why its better to get to know the guy/gal BEFORE you get physical with them - they could be in your life forever or you may need them - will they be there? Will you want them to? Sex is never just sex. "

Sorry it is a confusing question, i wasn't sure how to ask exactly what i was thinking.

Yes i agree, i will only do something that I want to do.

What do you mean by casual sex having uncasual consequences?

Yes i agree, it is better to get to know someone first before getting physical with them.

I don't really agree that 'sex is never just sex'. What about others who just go out with people for sexual pleasure and then move on after that. Isnt that a case of 'sex just being for sex' and nothing more? Perhaps i am neive, but i was sure some people out there just go out sometimes with the intention of just getting some and thats it.



iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 04-20-2003 - 3:49am
True...BUT!

Those ppl who go out looking just for sex - always get more than that. Sexually transmitted diseases, unwanted pregnancy...unwanted affection...unbalanced emotions...confused needs...etc...

Even if both ppl are exactly on the same page, the page turns...

Go.

Avatar for cl_shywon
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Sun, 04-20-2003 - 10:21am
I don't think there's too much danger of falling into a habit of promiscuity or anything based on one guy. Women have sex early and often usually because they have low self esteem. Now, if you WANT to have sex early b/c you want to see if the guy fits, then that's your decision. As long as your safe, I don't see it as any big deal. (When I say early, I'm thinking in the one month range, not first date sex.)

There are some people who can have sex just for the sake of it. They are usually men. Women can as well, but it takes a huge emotional detachment. Women don't tend to be able to detach themselves from the emotions that go along with sex.



iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 04-20-2003 - 10:58am
it might give you a sense of empowerment - ie. that you'll learn to see sex as something seperate from love.

or... you might start having feelings for a guy that just wants to have fun, and you'll have your heart broken...

or... vice versa, and he becomes a homicidal stalker?



alright, kidding aside - i don't see a big problem as long as you're very careful (condoms + pills).


Edited 4/20/2003 10:59:14 AM ET by thethimble

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-06-2003
Sun, 04-20-2003 - 8:46pm
thethimble said:

"it might give you a sense of empowerment - ie. that you'll learn to see sex as something seperate from love."

Is it really possible to learn to seperate sex from love?


thethimble said:

"or... you might start having feelings for a guy that just wants to have fun, and you'll have your heart broken..."


Is there ways to prevent this? (falling for a guy that may just be out for fun)