Tell it to me straight/whats he thinking
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| Tue, 01-24-2006 - 10:44pm |
Long story short...
I got into this "thing" with a co-worker 6 months ago, and unfortunately, got pregnant. By the time I found out, he had stopped coming over, so I did the only thing I felt I could...I had an abortion, even though I didn't believe in it. I never told him...until yesterday. For the last 6 months, we've been nothing but co-workers, but have remained on great terms, still occasionally flirty, even. I decided that it was time to tell him what had happened, so he came to my house last night.
He was really sorry it had happened, and really, really sad, but not angry. I thought he would be, b/c he has 3 children from his ex-wife, and he's the most unbelievable dad in the world. He's got sole custody, and just absolutely thinks his kids are the sun moon and stars. When I told him, he said that a big part of him wished that I had told him, and we had continued the pregnancy.
Well, we talked alot, and he's still very hesitant to be anything but friends with me (not ready for a serious relationship this soon after getting out of his marriage), but even after telling him about getting pregnant, he still is wanting to have sex, and isn't that concerned with birth control.
So, I'm really confused...
Does not want me as his girlfriend...but still wants to have sex...isn't worried about birth control...even knowing about my abortion...which he was really sad about...because he loves his kids so much and wished that we had been able to have the baby.
Why doesn't this add up? I'd think that he was just in it for sex, if not for the fact that he's said he eventually wants more kids b/c he's always felt that his kids are his life, and I just told him about having an abortion, which he was sad about. But I can't imagine him wanting to have a replacement baby with me if he doesn't want to be in a relationship with me. So why is he wanting to take the risk of having unprotected sex?
I don't know if this is the right board for this kind of topic, but I wasn't sure where else to post...

If guys always made sense, we would not need a board like this :)
First off, I am sorry what you had gone through in the past six months. The decision you made, must have been very, very hard. I know how hard it is to deal with men and why they suddenly out of nowhere, decide to change their mind and pull away. But I honestly feel he is just looking for sex. This does not mean that he does not care about you and what you had gone through, but his need for sex is probably clouding his best judgement. Hence the decision to have unprotected sex, even after you got pregnant. He obviously is not thinking of you, only himself.
Think about number one and what's best for you and do not get pulled into his "need".
Best Wishes!
Calie
I agree.
Wow - you have been through a lot and I am sorry to hear that. The confusion over this man's intentions is surely not making it any easier. You ask about his possible motives but I would say this - does it really matter what his intentions are? Instead of trying to figure out why he is interested in sex but not a relationship and why he has such a cavalier attitude about birth control, I think it might be good to focus on what you want.
Do you want to be in a serious relationship with this man? Are you getting what you need out of the relationship that you have with him? Do you just want to have casual sex with him knowing that it will likely not lead to a serious relationship? Do you want to have his child knowing that you would likely not end up marrying him?
Once you figure out how you feel and where you stand - then you need to make some decisions for yourself. I think that it is fair that you ask him to outright tell you why he is interested in sex and not a relationship and why he seems unconcerned about getting you pregnant.
Wow - I don't even know what to say, you wrote all that out and I KNOW you have to be feeling so much more than the way it looks. Are you doing okay?
I agree with Jules. It may not even matter what he thinks or doesn't feel, cause from the outside looking in, I don't think you'd be happy with him either way! Either enjoy some casual sex with him (and make sure YOU are responsible enough to buy the gear) or punt him 20 yards!
HUGE HUGS TO YOU!!!!