Terrible couple weeks...defeated

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-19-2001
Terrible couple weeks...defeated
14
Tue, 02-25-2014 - 7:40pm

It is so hard being a single woman owning a home.  Or at least my home.  My ex built a 1000 sf addition onto our home.  When he left I bought him out and kept the house for many reasons that made perfect sense at the time.  The addition was basically just the shell.  I have been trying for 5 years to get it finished, a little bit here and there and it is almost done.  But other problems keep interfering with the progress.  The garage keeps flooding so first I had to spend money on getting drainage put in.....still floods.  Then the driveway was a mess so I needed that done.  Then a shut off valve blew in the main bathroom and did a lot of damage.  Then there was the roof. The heating & air aren't big enough for the addition so it's cold in the winter & hot in the summer....more money needed that I don't have. And now a bursted water line from the cold weather.  That happened the 13th of this month....my valentines gift, lol. Then I go to work on VDay morning & MB gave me some chocolates and a card, which actually upset me because there he went again being overly nice in a very abnormal "friend" way. At least I felt it was.  I sure as heck don't buy my girlfriends Valentines presents and I almost felt it was a pity gift because I don't have a boyfriend. Needless to say I haven't been in the greatest of moods which  had MB sort of ticked off at me because I wouldn't tell him what was wrong. I told him that I had GIRLFRIENDS to cry and vent to and he shouldn't worry about it..... ticked him off even more but I don't care, he's over it now anyway. Then there is the stupid OLD crap that I keep putting myself through.  Some days I just don't know how much more I can take. So now I can't wash clothes or even dry them because the contractors have taken over the dryers 220 line for their stuff. I had to use a half day vacation for the demoltion/water crew this morning and probably will have to tomorrow again to meet with the plumber.  Just what I want to do....waste my vacation on crap like this!  But we don't have personal or sick days so I don't have a choice.  And then there is my 18 year old son but that is a whole other story!  I really do just feel defeated at life in general. Times like this is when I realize how nice it was when I had a man that I could share not only the joys with but the burdens too. Ughhh, wish I knew what I wanted to do when I grow up, lol. But really?  Why does everything in life have to be so darn hard?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Tue, 02-25-2014 - 10:21pm

Oh owning a house by yourself is really tough.  I can relate.  I don't have the major problems that you do, thankfully, but I can't afford to fix anything.  My most urgent problem is that I have squirrels in the attic and I can hear them running around at night.  I had a guy fix a hole that I found and they were gone for a while, then they actually made another hole.  I am going to have to sell the house to pay off my ex and in some ways I'll miss it, but I won't miss spending money on repairs and I won't miss having to shovel snow or garden--well actually I make my son mow the lawn so I don't really garden.

I take dance lessons from a married couple but the guy had surgery recently so he's been absent from the school.  So the other night, another woman and I were helping the wife carry stuff to her car and close up the place.  Her comment was "I hate being the guy" cause she usually has the DH to do all this stuff.  I said "well welcome to my life."  Yes it certainly would be nice having some help.

I think that when things are going wrong and you aren't that happy about other things--that's about the worst time to do OLD because most of the time, OLD is going to be kind of a pain so you have to be in the mood where you can just shake off the disappointments.  Better to go out and have some wine and see a funny movie with the girls.

Avatar for floridagirl52
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-2006
Wed, 02-26-2014 - 8:49am

As a single woman who owns a home, yes, I can relate. There are times when it's just overwhelming--not just financially, but emotionally. You just wish you could turn to someone and say, "What do you think we should do?" I recently got an estimate to trim away my neighbor's oak tree branches that hang over my roof: $650. Meanwhile, I've needed two dental crowns ($2,000) YIKES. Not to mention I need a new air conditioner condenser in my car when it gets hot here again--another $650. Oh yeah, and I'd like to get a new iPad, but that will have to wait. 

And then there's OLD. We all know that can be a fruitless search. I agree with Musiclover: when things aren't going well, it's probably not a good time to be doing OLD.

[Musiclover: if you get the new hole fixed, put some traps in your attic. If you call an exterminator (like I did, big bucks) all they did was put traps up there after a very minor hole was fixed. They charge a lot because they don't mind coming back to remove the dead rats and squirrels. If you're too squeemish to do it, maybe your son could do it? Maybe you could even put those no-kill traps up there, but then, you'll have to deal with the live squirrel.]

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Wed, 02-26-2014 - 10:33am

My son removing dead animals?  haha--he calls me to kill bugs--another reason I'd like a man around the house to give him all those gross jobs to do.  Actually my house is old & strange--where my bedroom is was apparently an addition.  There is one of those trap door with the ladder coming down things to get up to the attic but if you go up there there's actually a wall in the attic so you can't get to the side of the house where the squirrels are coming in so there is no way to put traps up.  The last time the guy fixed the hole, I said to him to make sure the squirrels were out first cause I didn't want them getting trapped up there.  Oh and since I have a 2 story house that's also built on kind of a hill you need a tall ladder (taller than I would climb on) to reach the roof.

Avatar for floridagirl52
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-2006
Wed, 02-26-2014 - 6:13pm

OK, that's funny.

Well, maybe you can find a handyman to help with the dead squirrels--it's definitely not rocket science. :)

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Wed, 02-26-2014 - 8:10pm

I thought of this on the way home.  At least I only have squirrels in my attic.  There was an elderly woman in the next town from me--she had one of those pet doors and she woke up to find a raccoon biting her on the face when she was in bed!  She initially thought it was her cat.  Maybe if I still had my ex's cat & dog, they would have frightened the squirrels away.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-06-2006
Thu, 02-27-2014 - 5:50am

Hi Buckeyegold

Im so sorry for the hardships you are experiencing currently.. damn thers always something in life - regardless if you are single or partnered - if its not that then its the other.. indeed the very last thing you need now is the ridiculous OLD crap .. (and that MB person´s game playing too).. Wouldnt it be fantastic to just say leave me alone to the whole world and fly off into the Carribean for two weeks? (where a few gorgeous ready and willing toy-boying objects would await haha?) .. well one can dream, no?

Im sorry i cant offer real help.. all i can say is.. lets hope that this too shall pass.. thers always sunshine after rain..

(PS. what has me wondering is you mentioning that you dont have sick days at work. Does this mean that if you are for example, sick for two weeks, you dont get paid for  two weeks??? Sorry to say but that would be unthinkable here in Germany, if not illegal for an employer..  regardless if you are a bank manager or a toilet cleaner.. By the way same refers to health insurance - its illegal here for an employer to not provide employees with an appropriate health insurance..)

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Thu, 02-27-2014 - 4:53pm

Rocklady--I am a lawyer and I have no paid sick days or paid health insurance.  A lot of the laws only pertain to companies with over 50 employees, for example.  There is a Family Leave law which provides for up to 12 weeks of UNPAID time off, but no one has to get paid sick days.  As far as health insurance, I'm sure you've heard of "Obamacare" which is supposed to require everybody to get health insurance.  People who work for large companies usually get employers who pay for their insurance, but the way the law works is that employers who don't provide insurance only pay a small fine, so it's actually cheaper to pay the fine.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-19-2001
Thu, 02-27-2014 - 5:52pm

Rocklady1970:  that's too funny that you are from Germany.  The company I work for is actually German owned :-)  We do not get paid sick time.  I would either have to use my vacation or apply for disability. But there is a one week wait period for disability so at least 1 week would be without pay.  We also get points for being absent without using vacation or disability, and at 8 points your fired! I can be absent up to 5 days for 1 point WITH a doctors note...unpaid of course. And I have a lot of family in Germany (my mom is from Darmstadt) and I know they have tons of time off WITH pay!

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-06-2006
Fri, 02-28-2014 - 9:23am

Buckeyegold and Musiclover, thank you for replying, and

"We also get points for being absent without using vacation or disability, and at 8 points your fired! I can be absent up to 5 days for 1 point WITH a doctors note...unpaid of course."

WHAT?? My goodness, i dont mean to exaggerate but this here would be seen as - Musiclover, whats the correct term? - violation of human rights?? I hope it doesnt sound too harsh but really this is how i see it.. And Musiclover - were you not in the process of looking for a better "conditioned" job? I really do hope that you succeed with that because sure with your level of education and exprerience you deserve WAY more than a job without sick pay and health insurance?? I know.. so much easier said than done..

Sorry for going off topic here with this subject, wish you both all the best, including - remember that song? -  raining suitable men!

Rocklady

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Fri, 02-28-2014 - 11:19am

Yes I am still looking for a job, but probably not putting as much effort into it as a should.  I did get a few interviews but they didn't pan out.  One thing about law that is weird is that it's probably one of the few careers where being really experienced is sometimes a detriment.  In private firms, for someone with my experience, they want you to be able to bring in a certain amount of clients (they will say $150,000/yr in "portable billings.") Well if I had all those clients, I could just open my own firm.  I have thought of that but I don't have the savings right now to carry me over until I can get up to speed.  Most of the jobs seem to be for someone with less than 10 yrs experience, except for government or corporate, which is why I am looking in that area.  Then there are other jobs which aren't as "prestigious" but probably pay more than I'm already getting--I'd be willing to do those jobs but I'm "overqualified."  So I'm trying to network.

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