Is There No Justice in Love?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-19-2003
Is There No Justice in Love?
16
Sat, 09-29-2007 - 8:15am

Forgive me for sounding a bit negative but I was having dinner with a friend I hadn't seen in awhile and we were going over our recent dating experiences again and it always amazes me that we've had the same experiences and despite all our efforts, we find ourselves seemingliy in the same state: still single, no progress, nothing substantial on the horizon.


So I've been thinking about this and it really bugs me but I feel like there is no justive when it comes to love. I used to believe in karma and you get what you deserve but I'm finding that that really isn't true.


Examples. Both she and I were both in long-term relationships to guys we were totaly devoted to. Both cheated and disrepected us and we ended the relationships. 3 years later, you'd think if there was a justice, those a**holes would be sitting around miserable and alone but no, they both got into serious relationships right after us and hers moved in with the girl he cheated with and mine got married. We've both remained single and can't find ONE guy that has wanted a relationship with us.


Same issue with a co-worker. She was in a long-term relationship with her son's father for 10 years. He used and abused her, physicall beating her and throwing her out, even when she was pregnant. He's turned out to be an awful father and manipulator. One would believe that he'd get his "just desserts" eventualy but instead,

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-16-2005
Thu, 10-04-2007 - 12:59pm

Great post sassafras!



Smile,

Deirdre

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-04-2007
Thu, 10-04-2007 - 1:29pm
I too was abused physically and mentally and emotionally. I too am single over 40 - and I came to the realization not too long ago that the reason I do not have someone in my life is because of the abuse. I have put up a wall and I do not allow anyone in. If I just look at the positive and not the negative side of things I too can have what "HE" has - I just have to let someone in and not be so judgmental. Breathe - and dont' be so cautious on the negatives - look at the positives - we might not get love right a way - but we will don't loose hope - when it comes it will be spectacular! that is my way of thinking...
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-04-2007
Thu, 10-04-2007 - 2:24pm

I have thought the same thing for quite

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-26-2005
Thu, 10-04-2007 - 4:54pm
Phenomenal, Sassafrasjane! I think your time is coming very soon.
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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-04-2007
Thu, 10-04-2007 - 6:34pm
Exact or equal reciprocity may not happen in the world. I'm sure we would all like to think that we reap what we sow because it's a nice concept, helps ease our anxiety, and makes life seem fair. But we've all heard the phrase 'life isn't fair'. Maybe we're all fooling ourselves to make ourselves feel better. So for some people, you may be a great person and have so much going for you, but a great partner (or any partner) will not come your way. Life just does not work on an equal reciprocity system. Some good people get shafted, some bad people get everything. There seems to be no order to it all. Having hope that you'll find a great partner is a hopeless and pointless exercise for those good people that life has thrown in the trash, romantically speaking. I guess the point is to just live and not expect that life will scratch your back too. Then maybe you won't be so disappointed all the time when you're left in the dust.
Avatar for mhash
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Thu, 10-04-2007 - 9:57pm

My rule-of-thumb is not to get involved with anyone who is in a relationship or just out of a relationship. This includes women who are separated and not divorced or been out for 6 months or under. I want a long term, committed relationship and know for each false start, the older I get when it ends and for me to start over again.

I know there are no guarantees but I look to learn and be wiser from all my past relationships. I apply that wisdom as well as work on myself to be more self aware and heal what I need to heal.

I pay attention to the patterns of relationships in my life and the type of woman I attract. My pattern of women were ones who are resentful of men (from my Mother) and I see as an indicator of my spiritual health are the people I attract in my life. I feel that I'm getting better and better each person I meet (romantic and otherwise).

I offer my experience, perspective and views to you as a way of shifting things in your life.

Mark

Everything has beauty, but not everyone sees it - Confucious

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