They always come crawling back

Avatar for cl_shywon
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
They always come crawling back
28
Fri, 06-29-2007 - 3:30pm

Do you think this is true?


A friend of mine both have the same experiences.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-17-2004
Sun, 07-01-2007 - 9:12am

Not for me....I've never had a guy come back and ask for another chance or anything, unless you count the one that IMs me every few months wanting sex. Ummm...no thanks buddy.

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Avatar for cl_shywon
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Sun, 07-01-2007 - 10:41am

I've actually had two who wanted to get back together, but the others just seem to want to "keep in touch", I'm assuming because they think they'll get some benefits.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-01-2007
Mon, 07-02-2007 - 8:35am

I hear you! I finally had to delete my ex out of my life for good in April. He wanted to "be friends". I really tried to be a good friend, but eventually I realized he didn't a friend, he wanted a therapist.

Case in point - his second divorce isn't finalized yet and he's already moved in with another woman, and they're pregnant. He wanted to know what I thought. Being a rational person, I thought it was a terrible idea, but what can you do after the fact? He got upset that I wasn't 100% "there" for him. That's when I sent him a letter requesting that he not contact me anymore. I told I was sorry that we couldn't be friends any longer, but that his emotional vampirism was just too much. It was sad and empowering all at the same time.

~Heather~

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-30-2007
Mon, 07-02-2007 - 10:24am

"I hear you! I finally had to delete my ex out of my life for good in April. He wanted to "be friends". I really tried to be a good friend, but eventually I realized he didn't a friend, he wanted a therapist. "

There are only two ways to remain in contact. The hope all is swell email / call from time to time. I personally believe that is simply an effort to leave a crack in the door, just in case the future should bring you back together, or . . .someone who cant be avoided, (work, family ties, shared friends, etc.), so you maintain a "polite" relationship.

The second is to "become friends". For a man and woman to define themselves as friends, the real test is being able to openly talk about the other people you are dating. I even consider that a major qualifier for the FWB conversation. Not just talk about it, but be genuine in your interest and support of your friend. Not many people can shift backwards and reach that place. I am 98% no contact. A few exceptions over the years, but not many. (-: What's the old Fleetwood Mac song, don't look back? (-;

I would love to write my ex GF, ask how her big promotion worked out, congratulate her on her sons graduation from high school, ask how she's doing with her collage and path to her doctorates degree is going, etc. What I DON'T want is to know about who she is dating, how "happy" she is with him, and without me . .lol . . .ok . .silly pride and foolishness . . but only a fool begs to feel bad. I never really understand the clinging thing after a break up. (-: I think the very information people are often after is the "who" is she / he with stuff, and that is never healthy.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-01-2005
Mon, 07-02-2007 - 1:02pm

>>His friends aren't exactly the best influence on him, and I saw a lot of positive changes while he was with me. Maybe he knows he needs new friends. I do like to give people the benefit of the doubt.<<

Just because it would be beneficial for HIM to keep in touch doesn't mean it would be beneficial for YOU. As you know, I don't really believe in being friends with exes because it gets too complicated, but, if you do decide to keep in touch or be his friend, just make sure there's something positive in it for YOU.

AJ, enjoying life with C.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-01-2007
Mon, 07-02-2007 - 1:34pm
Now, see, I had no issues with him being with other people. I knew that we weren't meant to be. So I listened patiently when he met his second wife, and I listened just as patiently when he called needing a shoulder to cry on when things went badly with second wife. I even offered to be a character witness during his divorce.
I also lent my support when he met new girlfriend. It was when I didn't think that moving in and starting a family with new girlfriend three months after he left his wife was a good idea that he got upset with me.
Also, I realized that everything was about him - he never wanted to hear about what I was doing with my life - dating, grad school, my mom being sick, me having a cancer scare. None of that merited a phone call to me - he wanted to be friends but I did all the work.
As much as I wished that we could continue our platonic relationship, it was too one-sided.

~Heather~

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-30-2007
Mon, 07-02-2007 - 2:40pm
I have to give you that one. (-:
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-01-2007
Mon, 07-02-2007 - 2:58pm
Thanks! :) Although I don't think anybody won!
You know what they say about the road to hell...

~Heather~

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-30-2007
Mon, 07-02-2007 - 3:04pm

Keep both eye's open so you don't miss the turn? lol

I know what you mean. (-:

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-2006
Mon, 07-02-2007 - 3:51pm

>>Generally speaking, if it does not work the first time it wont work the second. The "good" ones, men or women, are good because they don't bang their heads against brick walls. (-: It is the very ability to live and move forward with life and not cling to the past that makes them good. (-: <<

It's interesting. I remember quite a lot of your posts and I know how devoted a father you are and I remember you saying something like you disliked your wife in the 2nd year of marriage but stayed for the kids. I don't want to hijack the thread but my ex left me because his ex promised him the "proper family" deal with her and their son. My gut tells me he loves me and is really torn between me and his child but my head likes to make me feel bad and tells me that he chose her over me and not his child over me (because I see it as he gets the child either way) because why would someone voluntarily make themselves miserable with someone they don't love? Obviously you don't know the whole situation and can't possibly be inclined to tell a complete stranger what another complete stranger thinks but is it possible that he really just wanted the child and he really does love me like he says? I guess I'm just looking for validation and to know that I was not THIS wrong about someone I was going to marry.