They always come crawling back
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They always come crawling back
| Fri, 06-29-2007 - 3:30pm |
Do you think this is true?
A friend of mine both have the same experiences.
| Fri, 06-29-2007 - 3:30pm |
Do you think this is true?
A friend of mine both have the same experiences.
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Thank you for recognizing that I don't know the players. (-: Advise on a board like this can be a risky thing.
What I can offer you is simply why I made the choices I did. In short, I talked to a lawyer, wanted to fight for custody, and was told it was an impossible dream. He told me if I wanted to raise my kids, to suck it up and go home. (2nd year) I did go home. I did not dislike my ex wife. I loathed her. I gave away 20 years of my "time", hell of any semblance of a healthy adult life, and gave it to my kids. At the time I thought it was the right thing to do. In hind sight, knowing everything I know now . . . I would have left. It would have been better for me, and better for my kids.
I am a little confused . . the main question, his "ex" wife? girlfriend? How did you arrive in the picture? I hated my wife, hated . . . let me say it one more time, hated her . . .(-: . .. I however never cheated on her, and never got any poor girl entangled in my mess. Get my point? I CHOSE to be with a person I hated. You are wrong, seeing your kids every few weeks sucks beyond all imagination. It is not the same as waking up with them, putting them to bed, doing homework and projects with them, being there when they fall and scraped knees . . .that is being there. (-: Confused men are a broken heart in the making. Even my bad choices were made with no confusion and with total commitment. My feeling is love is a nice thing, but love will not make a good lifetime partnership. It takes much more. How many times have you also heard me use the word "package". ((-: A lot of hard school knocks are in that lesson.
Also, he did have a child with her . . .does he have the kind of feelings I did? Or does he have fond feelings and memories, and feel love will happen again in time. Foolish approach possibly, but making hard choices for "the sake of the kids" . . not uncommon among men or woman I don't think. Kids do not ask to be born. It is up to the adults to sacrifice things. (-: They had a choice, and have to live up to the responsibly attached to it. The trick is figuring out what is right sometimes.
So, for validation, might he really love you, sure, he might be head over heals. . . should you be in that situation . . does not sound like very safe ground to me. I don't trust the fact he is in a position for this conversation to happen. He cant see his future, he doesn't know what to do with his past . . .just a lot of red flags to me. If I am you, I get out before I invest to much more time or pain.
You will feel a lot better when you cut this one lose. My crystal ball just see's a broken heart if you dont get this one behind you. (-:
Too late...broken heart accomplished, just coming through it now. Like I said I just want to know I wasn't this wrong and that he really did/does love me. the acceptance of us not being together has finally ensued.
A little background: His ex is just a girlfriend. He got together with her when he and is previous girlfriend broke up and when I say "when" I mean like the night they broke up he got with her. They were together for about 3 years, had a baby. 9 months after the baby was born he cheated on her and they broke up. He said he never really loved her he only went out with her because it seemed like the thing to do because all his friends were dating all there friends. He did have good times with her when they were first together but they didn't last past the first 6 months of their relationship. After they were broken up for about 5 months he met me and we didn't get together for about 4 months. The whole time he was with no one else. We were together for about a year. When he told her we were going to get married she sprung the "I love you, we can be a proper family..." yada yada yada. We cried for days to each other. And all he kept saying was how much he loved his little boy and he just wants to be with him and she'll always make it difficult for him, for us. And just like you he said all he wanted to do was be there to see him wake up and put him to bed at night. No amount of reasoning on my end can make him see that he's making a big mistake. He knows it but he doesn't KNOW it. After "trying' it with his ex for 4 months he came back crying that he misses me and loves me and there is just nothing there between them but he's moving in with her. All I'm hearing are these mixed messages and now I'm hearing from a person in the situation that he really could just be doing it for the child.
Good to know - I guess.
You are convincing me I am right. (-: DO NOT get sucked back in. (-: He'll show up one day and try. Fond memories, move on. (-: I was head over heals for the girl I speak of so often. Learned a lot from her, am not the least bit ashamed to admit I was divested when I lost her . . .but I would never go back. Lessons for my future. (-:
I think you can walk away from this one feeling pretty good about yourself and a lesson or two in the bank. Flags . . ."cheated" . . ."got with just because" . "on the night of". . step back and read just what you wrote to me. (-: Then . .you know soooooo much more than you told us . ., use it. (-: He is not a definitive man. Be happy, he saved you many wasted years, and a lot of heart break beyond what you already suffered. outcome was, is and would be predictable in the future. (-;
Oh, absolutely.
That's nice of you to give him the benefit of the doubt. It probably was a combination of things - not just being horny. I am sure he misses your friendship.
It's a major bummer, though, that he felt the need to write to you and make you even think about these things in the first place. They always seem to do it right when you're doing ok, starting to move on, etc. It can mess with your head sometimes, and I think that's unfair.
AJ, enjoying life with C.
It is unfair that they seem to get the timing just perfect...or awful, depending on how you look at it.
I agree! Couples end a relationship because they want to end a relationship. Dragging it out and keeping in contact "now and then" is usually just a form of ego-boosting and/or control for both.
If it is over, it is over. Time to move on.
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