Things in the building just got interesting.......!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-27-2002
Things in the building just got interesting.......!!
10
Tue, 07-02-2013 - 9:59am

Hi All,

As some of you may recall, there was a guy in my building who expressed an interest in me.......he invited me to a party at his place on Saturday night.  Wow......it was interesting!!

I showed up......it was mostly his work friends but they were all (mostly) Eastern European and different nationalities.  The superintendent showed up with another girl I know a bit, as well as another pretty blonde who moved in a couple of months ago.  I kind of wondered what her deal was (e.g. single, maybe not working) and I was thinking of asking her if she wanted to hang out sometime (with her also being new in the building......possible friend).......but somehow she just seemed a bit standoff-ish or something.....not quite sure.

So we go to this party and we are all hanging out.....said girl was getting lots of male attention.......I didn't care too much......I was pretty much just hanging out with some guys in the kitchen.  I'd seen them around a lot before so it was nice to actually chat and get to know them a bit, etc.  I guess the guy who invited me - his brother and I were chatting (he is also very heavily Eastern European) and both him and a cousin were saying how they wanted me to be with "building guy" (their brother/cousin who was having the party).....as they thought I was of good character and he deserved someone nice.  They said that they wanted me to be part of their family......very premature, but I think its partly a cultural thing and I was flattered (also realizing we were all drinking).

All of a sudden the other blonde girl freaked out about something (I don't know.....why....??).  She became all violent and my super had to physically restrain her and bring her back to her apartment.  Soo.......!! There was one other guy there who was sooo drunk......very heavy drinking......he sat on a kitchen chair in the living room and it basically broke......All in all it was a fun (but crazy!) night.......one of the other girls was DJ-ing, etc.......

Anyhow......"single guy" ended up leading me (willingly) into his bedroom that night......nothing transpired really as we both had been drinking.......the next morning I got up and just said good bye and left........something weird happened later that morning also.......I had showered and was taking my dog out and the "other" blonde girl approached me in front of the building in her pyjamas and asked me what happened......I told her I didn't see much.  She basically said that all of these guys are related and they were giving her a hard time, that she wanted to get a restraining order, etc. (?? - that seemed absurd - ??)......."single guy" mentioned that she is taking that drug antabuse, so that was why she freaked out at the party.......?? I don't get it because I've read that if you're on that drug drinking is a huge no.......

Soo I was recovering yesterday and "single guy" was texting me repeatedly and asking me to come over for a coffee......his English is not that good......I agreed.......I went over to his place but it was very stuffy......I think his friends stayed and extra day and drank.......I wasn't feeling all that great so after the coffee I went upstairs to my own place.  He did mention - "my brothers said that (other/freaked out blonde girl) is fine for a one night stand, but Mel is really a person to date long term......."

I'm not sure if he really likes this freaked out girl......he is younger than me (she is older than me but very naturally attractive......curly blonde hair, petite, etc.).......I may sound gay but I am more the 'cute' category now than beautiful........but he texted me (honestly) about 70 times yesterday......professing how much he liked me, even going on to say that hopefully I would be his future wife.......he asked me several times to go for a walk with him then called me later to see if I wanted to go to the 'cinema' (my super was going.....as it turns out she is married to his cousin), so I turned the offer down.

Anyway.......you can see where this is going.  I do like my privacy and the thing is with me not working I've been trying to keep that under wraps but if I do see him I will have to tell him eventually (don't really want my super to know).  He does seem very sweet but the texting and attention is waaay over the top.......it also scared me a bit that this other girl is having problems with this group of people (although something seems very off with her).......I don't want to do anything to tick off anyone in the building......obviously he has many friends and relatives here.......I could become enemy #1 very quickly.......

Ahhh!! I know I'm worrying too much.......he seems like a nice guy but over-eager.  I guess in general with some of the weirdness that happened at the party and afterward I just kind of feel like heading up to my parents for a bit........I like my privacy here and I don't want it to be eroded.....it is a mixed area with various issues.......

That's me!! lol.  Interesting week-end........any thoughts on how to possibly manage this situation would be appreciated......this guy lives a two minute walk from me (which is kind of why I was hesitant initially)...... :)

Mel

Community Leader
Registered: 07-16-2001
Tue, 07-02-2013 - 11:42am

My experience with over eager guys is that they want sex, they want it fast, and their attention will pretty much disappear after they get it. 

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-27-2002
  • Hey Shy,

I have to agree with you there.......I have run into enough guys in pubs who profess huge amounts of adoration, only to disappear afterward.....fortunately I've learned my lesson and no more pub guys for me....just can't stand the obvious motives and slimy avoidance.......

I have to say though.......this guy seems like he wants a marriage fast!! Egad!! lol......why are men either in the fast or slow lane?? lol.  Not sure if I mentioned but he did say something about "hopefully my future wife" in his texts yesterday......Oi Vey......we just really talked for the first time on the week-end!!

M

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999

I would also be turned off by someone I had just met/hadn't even gone out with texting me that much and saying we are going to get married some day--I don't know--does Canada have similar immigration laws to the US where if someone marries a Canadian they can stay in the country legally?  That's what I'd be thinking of first when you say they are foreign--like they are looking for some nice unsuspecting girl to marry.  I really hope it's not that.  I don't know what the solution is to the unwanted interest since you live so close to each other.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-27-2002

Hi Music,

Yes, I think we have a simiilar concept here when it comes to immigration.  Although, I believe it is much harder (generally) to obtain Canadian citizenship vs. American.

I think that's what happened with his ex-wife......she basically married him for "the papers" as they were calling it......so, fortunately I don't think it's that.

He seems okay......I could be interested in him......it just seems odd the quantity of texts and level of seriousness right away.  I don't want to stigmatize/generalize.......maybe a cultural thing???

M

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-04-2003

Cultural thing or not, when a guy moves THAT fast, it's a turn off to me.  Not to mention it would drive me bonkers!

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-24-2011
I had a similiar experience with a East European guy. I did share that experience on this board a while ago about a guy who said if a woman is not willing to have sex with a guy pretty quick, he can find another on pof who is willing. He was also texting me a lot, inviting me to his condo. When I suggested dinner and movie, he said we can eat out but watch movies at his place. I think he wants a gf and also sex very quickly.
Avatar for floridagirl52
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-2006

Anyhow......"single guy" ended up leading me (willingly) into his bedroom that night......nothing transpired really as we both had been drinking.......the next morning I got up and just said good bye and left........

Wait, do I understand this correctly? You actually slept with this guy (no sex(?)) the night of the party? I agree that sending a million texts and talking about getting married is over the top, but I can see why he might think this could be going somewhere.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999

This does seem to be an odd trend to me among younger people that they have sleep overs but will wait to ahve sex.  First of all, I figure why bother?  If I am going to sleep w/ a man I am hoping there is going to be sex!  But all kidding aside, I think it's way too tempting if you really don't want to have sex to be in that intimate contact and in a way sharing a bed with someone can be more emotionally intimate than having sex and going home--I mean you wake up all disheveled, you know if the other person snores (and hope you don't).  I can see if someone is avoiding driving drunk, etc. and has to stay over, but then I would not be sharing a bed with someone.  I really can't imagine sleeping over the place of someone I hardly knew (esp. in their bed) if I lived close by--but then again, I wouldn't get in the condition where I drank too much & couldn't get home.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-27-2002

Hi,

Yes, I can see why my actions were not the most appropriate - I did not intend at all to stay over that night.  I have to admit, sexually, it's been a long time and the next thing I knew........but I am responsible for myself and I do always end up at home alone (in this case it was an error in judgment).

I can understand why he thinks this may be leading somewhere.........I guess I just got a little scared with the texting and texting and calling and calling.........I do (or did) want to date him, but its becoming overwhelming and frankly a bit scary.  Living alone in a building can be awkward and I feel like he is coming on very strongly (in spite of my poor actions.......).  You can still demonstrate interest in someone without bombarding them so to speak.......

Anyhow.......I hope this resolves itself soon..........

M

Avatar for xxxs
Community Leader
Registered: 01-25-2010
Thu, 07-04-2013 - 11:42pm

 Look don't over think.  Do what feels good to you.  I would be more concerned that they won't leave.  I have a liking to be alone a lot.  FWB that is far enough away not to be a pest. 

dragowoman