Things didn't go that well

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Things didn't go that well
22
Fri, 08-30-2013 - 11:28pm

To try to make a really long story short, I went down to the place on the beach for a couple of days (invited by a guy R) and immediately found out that he is in a relationship with the woman I wondered about (M).  The ironic part is that in getting to know them better, I discovered that I wouldn't want to be in a relationship w/ him and that I really liked her.  She & I had some good time to talk & get to know each other.  The first day was supremely awkward for me.  The weather was bad so we couldn't go to the beach and it was in a very small town w/ not much to do.  Oh and I was under the impression that more people would be there all week but it was just the 3 of us--great!  I said "are we going out to dinner tonight?" but she had stuff to cook (stuff that I didn't really like--I mean it was not as bad as I feared but definitely not something I would pick to eat.)  Then the bed I had was the hardest most uncomfortable mattress--so much that I actually woke up in pain and said I just can't sleep here any more and went down to sleep on the living room sofa.  Today was much better--about 10 people came down for a party and they were all nice people & we were having fun eating & drinking.  So I guess live & learn.  I'm glad I never said anything flirty to him.  I actually said to M when we were talking that R never told me that they were a couple--she said she had found that to be a problem because another woman asked him out & he told her then that he was dating M and I said that's not really fair to the women either because it's embarrassing--he should introduce M as his GF.  She said she tries to head things off by doing that herself.  I guess privately he is very affectionate but he doesn't like any public gestures, even hand holding.  I'm not one for a lot of PDA but I would expect if I had a BF for 7 months, that he would at least be telling people that M is my GF--I don't think he does it to get other women, I just think he's clueless--which is why he probably wasn't very clear on the arrangements and who was going to be there when.  If he had said other people are just coming for a party on Friday I would have just come then.  But I guess it was good to learn about all the ways that I wouldn't like him because now I am not disappointed at all that they are together.  I really have to stop making these fantasies in my head though.  

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Sun, 09-01-2013 - 10:36pm

I looked in my old emails to see again specifically what he wrote to me.  This was at the end of June so at that time had been dating M for 5-6 mos.  I joked about him always being surrounded by women and he wrote back a very ambiguous email about 2 women in the group falsely accusing him (!) of being a womanizer but nowhere did he mention that it didn't matter now because he had a girlfriend--and this was after he asked me what happened to a guy he saw me dancing with.  I figured then that he might be interested in me because why else would he be asking about that guy other than to see if I had a BF.  So now I am thinking he is kind of a jerk.

I think you are right about the vanity because at one point, he was complaining about his hairline receding--it's only receding a tiny bit on the side and otherwise he has a nice head of curly hair that most men would envy--how many middle aged men are really bald (which doesn't bother me at all unless they do the bad comb over).

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2008
Mon, 09-02-2013 - 1:03am
Well I really can't figure out any other reason why he'd ask you "what happened to guy you were with" unless he was interested in you. Sounds like he's fishing to see if any other women might be interested in him just in case he gets bored with M. Maybe you should tell him to take you off his line. lol

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