Thinking of ex

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-14-2001
Thinking of ex
3
Mon, 07-09-2007 - 9:08pm

I should have titled this DREAMING OF EX and LOVING EVERY MOMENT OF IT!!!

I used to post to this board years ago and just recently started reading it again. I had forgotten how great this board...I mean...you gals on it.

I just want to share something. Something this board would understand. It's not particularly earth shattering or new...just an experience I am having. I am having wonderful, LOVING dream about my ex and I want to know why. First some background:

I broke up with this ex when I was about 35 (about 5 years ago). We had a great time together and there was a lot of love but for various reasons, we broke up. He lost his job, wanted to take off abroad to work, and I didn't want to go. I just didn't commit. Since then I had started dating an older man who absolutely adored and loved me. I liked him but did not love him enough to stay with him. After much effort, I finally ended it. It was hard...because he really did love me so much..but I did it.

The first ex I mentioned came back to the US several times (this is his pattern...going to Europe and comign home penniless. The last time was last year. He started this pattern after he lost his dream job. His life has not been stable since...but full of adventure. He wanted to visit with me but didn't have the money to do so until the Fall (he admitted it was "that bad", he was penniless and everything "blew up" on him). We visited and I felt all I wanted was to know him in some way because he is a very dynamic person and I have special memories with him. Plus, we always connected emotionally. When my mom died last year and I shared with him, as always, I felt there was a lot I wanted to share.

I had asked him to skiing in January. He agreed! I was very excited...with wanting no more than a companion to go with. He then abruptly cancelled...accusing me of not wanting to go with *him* but only go skiing. I wrote back assuring him up and down that I did want to go with *him*, that he is important to me. I told him it hurt me. I wrote more...doing my best to assure him that I didn't want to go with just *anybody*...that I wanted to go with him AND ski...but that because of the circumstances I was being a bit aloof (he had just broken up with a women he was going to marry). At the time of writing him, I didn't think I felt anything for him except wanting to know hima gain. I just really wanted to go skiing with him. We always traveled well together and he is a fun person. I thought it would be a ideal.

I was very hurt and shocked by this but decided to move on like I was planning anyhow. I felt *certain* he would respond to my email. I am surprised I haven't heard anything. It surprised me because after our initial meeting he invited me to go on a motorcycle ride and have lunch and then another time invited me to a concert! I can't believe that just a few months ago I was that close to going on a motorcyle ride with him.

Then I started getting dreams. These started about 3 months ago, after this whole event. In them, he is very loving and sweet with me. He says he loves me again and wants to be together. These dreams make me very happy...I wake up feeling happy remembering what it is like to be in love. I've had about 5 of them about him and I...and all of them are loving. He says "I've missed you so much...you are the best woman I've been with"...on and on. I am not sure...but I am thinking these dreams are telling me how I really feel (that I still like him despite what has happened) and/or he is thinking of me, too? I don't know...but they have *awakened* in me the feelings I had felt before...and it feels good. Not a day goes by without me wondering. This is why I used the *magic* icon...because that is how these dreams have made me feel.

You see...my mind says "it can't be, he is not interested", "he's had too many adventures to be interested in me", "we are too different now", blah blah blah...but my heart, my heart...I can't stop thinking of him! Dammit. Before I was just good to be his friend...but after these dreams my heart has opened up. I was expecting some kind of letter from him by now...but nothing.

Of course, I will go thru all the motions of "moving on". I will do what I need to do. I am going to post online and do whatever I can to get the right kind of relationship. It's just hard thinking of another...I want to forget since it seems like I am just dreaming...but the thoughts just enter all the time. Everyday. There isn't much I can do about it, the ball is in his court.

Just wondering if this has happened to you...and what happened, if anything. I imagine this sort of things happen all the time. I imagine it's not too unusual.

Thanks for listening and please share your stories/thoughts if this has happened to you and what you think it means..if anything at all.




Edited 7/9/2007 9:34 pm ET by lv2breathe
Soliel
Avatar for cl_shywon
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
In reply to: lv2breathe
Mon, 07-09-2007 - 11:32pm

I will go through periods when I have dreams of a particular ex (different ones, but they tend to be clustered) and they will sometimes be good, sometimes bad.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-28-2006
In reply to: lv2breathe
Tue, 07-10-2007 - 3:56pm

My take on your dream is that you haven't replaced the ex yet so you find yourself missing him and consequently dreaming of him. It's only natural. I've had dreams of an ex too before I met my current love. I used to dream of us making passionate, burning love only to wake up cold, lonely and sad.

I agree with the o/p that said it's probably a manifestation of what you really want but not necessarily with him. It can also mean that there were some unresolved issues with your ex.

Now that I'm with my current love, I don't dream about any of my exes anymore.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-14-2001
In reply to: lv2breathe
Tue, 07-10-2007 - 4:52pm

Thank you for your thoughts, both of you.

You are probably right. I am manifesting him in my dreams because he is the last time I really felt in love. *Sigh* Now I feel sad!!! But I accept what is.

Reminds me of my boyfriend I had right out of high school. I recently visited with him a couple of times and he revealed to me that he remembers everything about our relationship...and this was 20 years ago!!! I don't. To me it is ancient history. It's because I've had experiences in between then that were more meaningful...while he has been unhappily married this whole time. Poor guy. This is probably the same concept.

Thanks for your "wake up and smell the coffee" type of advice.

Soliel