Those cute happy couples

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-19-2003
Those cute happy couples
33
Sun, 06-10-2007 - 10:55pm

So I've been back and forth for the past 10 days between feeling really good that I'm single and have my whole life ahead and every opportunity out there to find that one special guy for me and feeling totally miserable that I'm still 'out here', rummaging through the scraps of the dating world bin trying to find something that wont make me feel like s**t, when I get invited to a dinner and movie night with a friend. I get there and its at his friends house. The friend was of course this young, gorgeous guy, who was married to this young, adorable woman who lived in this adorable house where each room was painted a different color, but had this nice clean, straight out of HGTV look. And pics of their closest friend who are also all happily married (all still in their late 20's).

Walking around they had cute, lovable pictures of themselves all over; pics of them skiing, at cookouts, at formals, their wedding and of course candids of them laughing, hugging, kissing and simply looking beautiful together. To top that off they had 3 adopted children from Ethiopia who were also beautiful, smart and well behaved. They were put to bed at 7pm and the couple then made us a spaghetti dinner, topped with red wine, homemade meatballs and sauce, salad and of course fresh bread.

Suddenly all those "Embrace Your Single Self" articles I'd read days earlier which were beginning to make me feel better, wilted in my head like a dying flower as the realization hit me again: I WANT THIS LIFE! Yeah, it is cool to come and go as I please without having to check with anyone, yeah, it is freedom to completely splurge on any and everything I want and sure always having the remote, being a total slob and not having to consider anyone else in my decisions can be a pleasure but daggone it; I'd give it all up in a heartbeat to have dinner, at home, with someone every night, to have someone else to worry about besides myself, to have a cozy home, to decorate to prepare meals and to entertain guests then curl up on the couch together after a long day, to have someone call me 'babe' and touch my hip gently as they pass by to let me know, I'm theres, to have cute pics of fun times together framed and decorating my place, to know that on holidays, I will have definite plans and someone to spend that time with, to fall asleep at night lying next to someone that chose, out of the millions of women out here, to be with me, simply because he loves me enough and truly wants me. How can I not want that.

Anyway, just venting. I'm sure I'll feel better in the morning.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-01-2007
Wed, 06-13-2007 - 1:20am

I totally get how you feel. I am latin and even though I would like to date in my own race, it's virtually impossible. I grew up surrounded by very strong independent women and latin men are ussually treated like little princes by their mothers, not a good combination for a relationship based on respect and equality.

I feel more confortable dating white men, but I find many don't really have a backbone (they tend to scare easy) or they have a specific thing for latin women. I am sorry, but I am not J-Lo or Selma Hayek, I am just me. Some men want to date a latin women to try it our, but they are not interested in a relationship or in marriage. They'll date me, but they will end up marrying some white girl (I hate to generalize, but I have seen it happen). I have been seeing a lot of biracial couple lately, but always the men are African American and the women are white. I don't see the oposite too much, I don't get why that is. I would pretty much date in any race, but I find this whole latin lover mistique tends to hurt me when it comes to men taking me seriously.

I am 32, I would say I am above average, but with the current dating pool, that doesn't matter much. They say you shouldn't settle, but sometimes it's like you have to take what you can get, or you have to learn how to be ahppy alone.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-28-2006
Wed, 06-13-2007 - 7:33am

Chica,

I understand how you feel and no one should do anything that they're uncomfortable doing. However, I do feel that sometimes, we need to step outside of our comfort zones in order to find the peace and happiness that many of us are searching for. I think that being "closed minded" to dating other races is in my opinion, basically shooting yourself in the foot. This is only my opinion though. But anyway, my thought was only a suggestion.

My best to you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-28-2006
Wed, 06-13-2007 - 7:40am

Hi chica,

Don't despair. I'm half Latina and am currently dating a white man myself. I can tell you that many of them love Latina women and are open to marrying us. You just have to find a nice guy that isn't into experimenting with Latin women. I do agree about Latino men being treated like princes and that one who isn't so macho is very hard to find. But there are some good Latino men out there that want to take charge and take care of the wife and kids.

I agree with you also that one shouldn't settle but be open to what is out there. Otherwise you lose and will just have to settle with being alone and live with it.

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