thought he wasn't interested....but now
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| Thu, 12-29-2005 - 10:01am |
Ok, i'm starting to get really confused with this guy and I need some insight.
I met him almost 2 months ago- we had a onenightstand (sans sex, mostly just making out and a ton of indepth talking) and have since then just talked on the phone and on msn. On our first phone conversation he said he didn't want a relationship- i was a bit disappointed, but after a couple of weeks we started talking again and have since just been talking a lot and i think have become friends. I know he's genuinely busy with work, but just figured that if he's too busy to start a relationship, than that just means he's not really that into me.
So ok, we've become friends and last week I tried to talk to him a bit about how i'm feeling (still thinking about that night, not sure if i can just keep being friends and if he doesn't want more than i'd rather just cut myself loose now so that i don't get hurt later on). I told him i wanted to talk to him when he wasn't busy because i had some things on my mind, left him a message on msn. When i got home later, he had called me and left a voicemail. It took me a while to work up the nerve to call him back (cause i'm better at typing thoughts than talking), but did call him back- we ended up talking about regular things and politics, and then he had to go and said he'd call back. He did call back 30 minutes later but at that point i was in bed and was too tired to answer the phone.
Ok, sorry about the length of this. Basically I'm all prepared to say that I can't be just friends with him, and then last night we're talking (for about 5 minutes because i was heading out to a movie with some friends) and i briefly mention this book that i had told him about 3 weeks earlier that i'm reading in my bookclub. I didn't think he'd remember, was just a 2 minutes conversation we had had, nothing that important. Well, i mention this book and how terrible it is- and he replies that he had looked it up on the internet and that it did sound bad.
That got me thinking "hey, didn't he say he also read this other book i was reading, which was odd because he never reads fiction and actually went and bought this book i was talking about" which got me thinking "hmmm, maybe he's paying more attention to me than i realized."
I don't know- i guess i was assuming that if i told him that i have feelings for him that he'd automatically still be too busy for a relationship. Now i'm wondering if i should just keep talking to him and doing this friends thing- that maybe taking it this slowly is worth it.
Should I still say something to him or should i try to play it cool and see where this goes? I've never met someone that i have this much in common with and i really wish we could explore this further, but at the same time i don't want to waste my time on someone that doesn't want to take a risk and get out of his comfort zone (ie:maybe he's just happy being single and i'm really wasting my time).

He may well be "interested"...but that doesn't mean he has changed his mind about wanting a relationship.
If you are not comfortable with just being friends, or having some sort of non-committed, casual, sex and companionship relationship with him (which he may well be fine with...he probably just doesn't want the *obligations* of a relationship, but he'll take the benefits!), then it would be best for you to stop talking to him. But if you're ok with a friendship or something less than a committed relationship, then keep talking to him.
Sheri
I think you need to go with your heart and gut on this one. Will you really be content to just be his friend? Will you always wonder if it could have been something more if you end up firmly in the "friends zone"? -- which, for me, tends to happen if I let things go on like that for too long with a guy.
If you really would rather pursue a relationship with this guy, I'd say bring it up with him and see how he reacts. If he still says he doesn't want a relationship, then I agree with Sheri, he's looking for the benefits without the obligations and that is likely to hurt you in the long run. Unless you're ok with something casual, might be best to cut your losses if he says no go.
Good luck.
AJ, enjoying life with C.