thoughts on being single

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-12-2006
thoughts on being single
8
Sun, 03-12-2006 - 6:51am

I've been single for several months now after a very long relationship. At first it was tough, especially when I would hang out with my friends who aren't single and they start looking for guys to fix me up with, because it just emphasized to me that, to the world, my life is incomplete and that something must be done to erase this blemish called being single or my life will just get worse. Then, of course, there are the lonely nights that only remind me of the fact that I'm sitting here alone not getting any younger.
However, I've decided that thinking these thoughts isn't going to change my situation at all-- only make me feel worse and waste my precious time on this earth. It occurred to recently that overall, my life really isn't so bad. Ever since becoming single, I've been doing things I've always wanted to do like take classes that I haven't had time to take because I was in a relationship, plan trips to places I never went to because my last bf wasn't very adventurous and couldn't afford to go anywhere, and work on projects that I put aside for three years bc of the relationship. I've even started volunteering again which has been fun. Being single really is a time to focus on you and becoming who you want to be. Maybe it's safe to assume this, but don't we all want to have other labels besides wife and mother in the future? I mean, I have friends who married after college and i don't think they've done half the things I've done since we finished college. I also remind myself that I CAN have a full life. There are other poor women out there who maybe have families, but they are bored deep down and wish they had time to do other things... or there are other people who are very ill and they are incapable of doing much with their lives because they are ill. It's dawned on me how lucky I am to just be healthy and capable of going out and enjoying a nice day. It sounds so simple and even silly, but it's really true. Ever have a day when you've got such a bad cold or you got your wisdom teeth out and your laying in bed on painkillers? Imagine having to live that way for months, or years! Remember, we are single, not stuck or sick!! People may treat us like something needs to be fixed, but ignore them. I've had married friends say to me, embrace your ME time because you will never have it again. Maybe this spring or summer I'll start actively dating again-- push my married friends to follow through on introducing me to someone, or just go online. But for now, I really have other things I'd like to focus on before I lose this free time again.
So when those lonely nights come, don't just sit there waiting for the phone to ring or being miserable-- do something for you! It really has worked and made me feel better. Remember, we have the freedom to live our lives the way we want to live them right now. If you've got some extra money, do something special for yourself with it. Married people can't always do that. That money has to go towards children or repairs or other things that suddenly take over your life when you get married. We can hop on a plane or join a fun organization or buy a fabulous new outfit without anyone's blessing. ;-)
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-21-2004
Sun, 03-12-2006 - 3:50pm
I don't know, I've never not been single so I personally can't imagine being in a serious relationship. honestly, sometimes I think it would be a huge pain in the butt. I'm fine being single, but I get a little annoyed when I haven't dated anyone in a while. like right now. sometimes you just need to get some.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 03-13-2006 - 9:19pm
That was a great post Citylady! As someone who is happily single, I agree that there are so many benefits to being single. And after watching Nanny 911 the other night, I was doubly glad to be single, with no kids - LOL. Seriously though, I think that when we focus on the things that we have that bring us happiness, whether we are single or in a relationship, we don't yearn so much for what we don't have.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-27-2004
Mon, 03-13-2006 - 10:52pm
You know just recently have I started to agree with a lot of the things that you had in your post. Thanks you for posting. I am really enjoying my life as a single woman now and my heart really isn't into dating that much which is kind of starting to concern me a bit because i know I'm not getting any younger. But really what I need to do is listen to me and what makes me happy and right now it's putting dating on the back burner and living my life for me and doing things that make me happy. Of course I get lonely and I feel out of place and uncomfortable when I'm around all couples or when I'm visiting my younger sister who is married with a baby but right now regardless of me feeling out of place and feeling pressure from my biological clock and society, I feel like concentrating on me. I haven't really dated in almost 3 months and for the first time in my life I'm ok with it, in fact I feel pretty happy overall with not dating and doing my own thing. Of course I want to meet mr right but I don't want to feel the pressure to date a whole bunch of people and go online and try so hard to meet the one, I just want it to happen naturally while I'm doing things that I enjoy for me. I'm not sure if it will but for now in the meantime I'm enjoying my "me time". I guess I just need to listen to my intuition and do what makes me happy and overall I'll be led in the right direction.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-27-2004
Mon, 03-20-2006 - 9:28am
I have been single now for a few years, and at first it wasn't easy, but I've gone without someone for so long that it doesn't bother me much anymore. I think I could go the rest of my life without something serious. I get along on my own just fine, and I can't think of a better way to spend my time than making my own self happy and fufilled.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2005
Tue, 03-21-2006 - 12:35am
Single again..kinda lonely but ABSOLUTALLY FREE TO DO EXACTLY WHAT I WANT,WHEN I FEEL LIKE IT, WITHOUT PERMISSION OR CORRECTION!!! Similar to being released from prison, I have a list of things I didn't realize meant so much to me: My inlaws gave back the keys to my house, I don't have to make large meals for dinner, I can sleep in til 6:30am, I can take the kids out whenever I want, I feel like the house is mine again,( the deerheads and stuffed bass are gone from the walls), my children turn up the stereo and run through the house dancing and I can join in,I can attend kids events and I enjoy watching , I call my friends again,I have more money single with 3 kids than I did married with 2 incomes, I don't have to ask "how was your day" when I really could care less, I BUY MY OWN GIFTS AND GET SOMETHING THAT I WANT!, the house stays cleaner, I have 1/2 the laundry,I can watch ANYTHING I WANT on tv! No one tells me I should go to bed,I AM AN ADULT! I can leave my hairbrush on the counter if I want to!...the list goes on. I have lonely moments until I get in bed and don't have to fight for sprawling space and covers. I will find another man later - I am just enjoying my family now. I wouldn't trade it for the world. We are having a great time! I have found myself again!
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-13-2004
Sat, 04-01-2006 - 12:01am

This is a fantastic post! I've been feeling exactly the same way lately and couldn't have said it better. One question I have for all of you guys is how old you are? I'm 22 right now and honestly I just like being single so much, being able to do my own thing, not having to worry about what someone else wants. It scares me a little bit though, what hapens if I never want to get married? Are any of you considering that you might stay single for the rest of your life? HOw do you feel about this?

Any thoughts would be great!

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-27-2005
Sat, 04-01-2006 - 10:36pm
Well, I am 24 going 25 this year. I just broke up with my first real relationship. It was very hard for me. (on the side note we're still friends). And, I just got back from a date, and you know it wasn't a bad date, but you know how there's just nice guys out there but you really don't see yourself with him and there's many things that are just not right.. anyway, I am babbling. All I am trying to say is it's good to be single and find out who you are. It's a very big thing to commit something for the rest of your life. And, yes, I wonder and worry sometimes that I'll be alone forever, but I think with some faith, everything will work out. Just think when I was doing my undergrad in college, I thought I was going to die, but hey, now I am back at grad school. It's just part of life. Have a good day!
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-27-2005
Mon, 04-03-2006 - 10:48am
I have decided to take a "Dating Sebatical"!! I loved your post, and could not have said it better myself! I will throw a pity party for myself everyone once and again, but it quickly passes when my sister calls griping about her step child, baby mama drama, etc.! I take a step back and look at how good I really do have it right now. Ya, my clock is ticking at 29, but I haven't given up the fact that I will find my McDreamy one day. Right now, I am having so much fun finding me, what I am all about, and doing things that I enjoy doing. I leave the house when I want and don't get the 3rd degree, where you goin, who w/, why, when will u b back, etc. I wouldn't mind going on a few dates, but even that will take out of the me time I think I need to be greedy w/ right now. One day I will not have it and will probably wish for it back! So, here's to all the SINGLE and LOVIN' it girls! Live it up, while you got it!!!!!