Throwing caution to the wind
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| Mon, 07-16-2007 - 9:37pm |
This is a bit of a piggy back off of the "Tired of being good" post. I've played it so safe over the past two years of my life: I don't smoke, rarely drink, never go over 5 miles over the speed limit, don't go off on people, and I have not had sex outside of a relationship (I haven't had sex at all in the past two years). This is the one that I think about sometimes. I've been sexless for about two years. No, this post isn't about sex...I know there's another board for that. It's more about me and my thoughts on what it would be like to abandon my insecurities and be uninhibited and let go of those fears which hold me back.
Honestly, there have been plenty of times when I wanted to kiss a guy on the first date or experience holding and touching with someone that I had not yet committed to. However, I didn't do it because I was afraid of what the guy would think of me. Now, at 28, I wonder if I've truly had those experienes that many women my age have had. Those things that you look back on and say, "man, that was fun!" I can't say that I have. If I feel chemistry with a guy, why can't I kiss him? I don't know if I'd go so far as to be intimate with a man I wasn't with...I just don't know.
Has anyone here ever felt like you just haven't lived, like you're not living?
Mali
Edited 7/16/2007 9:38 pm ET by mali2579

I know exactly what you mean.
I was a late bloomer when it came to men and sex, so I do regret not having had more experience. But I always wanted to be in a relationship before that happened (and still do).
However, it doesn't sound like you're the kind of girl who can do casual sex. But you're saying you'd like to make out with guys, just not have sex. I see nothing wrong with that if you want to.
Let me just also say that we live in a sex-drenched culture that makes people feel like they aren't getting enough. Or that they are somehow odd if they have more conservative values when it comes to sex. I think this can lead to some of your feelings of not having lived.
But could it be you're feeling like you haven't lived in other ways, not just sexually? Perhaps it's time for a career move, or a physical move, or far away travel?