Tired of being alone

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-27-2003
Tired of being alone
8
Sat, 07-19-2003 - 10:32pm
Lately it seems all my friends are getting married. I've been to several weddings this year. I always go stag. It can get pretty monotonous. Everytime a new wedding comes, I say that I'll make the effort and find someone to take with me, but it never happens. Now my sister is getting married in three weeks, and once again I'll be going by myself. The problem is that I've never had a boyfriend. And to make matters worse, the two times I had sex they were one night stands. But before you tell me that I could have turned those into a relationship, I have to tell you that while both these guys were attractive, they lacked a certain something. (Including the desire to call me back!) This past year I made a resolution to put myself out there. I signed up on match.com and went on two dates so far. But things seemed to have dried up lately and I'm beginning to get frustrated. I'm a nice person, good sense of humor, decent personality. I always thought maybe it was my weight that prevented me from meeting someone. But I just lost 40lbs, and that doesn't seem to be helping either. I was just curious if you guys could sympathize, or even if you had any ideas as to where to meet these great single guys that I know are out there?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-22-2003
Sun, 07-20-2003 - 10:01am
I'm in just about the same position as you. I am also single and not used to it, but I haven't been single for about 6years. I'm definitely not used to it. I can see where your coming from b/c as soon as I became single it seems like all of my friends got into serious relationships. It makes it even worse to see other couples happy. What I've realized is that you can't go searching for love...it will come to you. I know its hard, but I would suggest taking a break from looking and just enjoy what you have in your life right now. I'm sure things will fall into place, and this guy will come to you when you least expect it. If you really don't feel like waiting-I would definitely discourage you from going to bars to meet people. Maybe a bookstore, grocery store, go for a walk in a nice park (maybe you'll find a nice guy trying to get into shape). Just a few suggestions. Are you in college? If you are you could get involved in an organization to meet some new people. Good luck in everything!

Trixy =)

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-03-2003
Sun, 07-20-2003 - 4:18pm
well i've been single for about 7 months i know how hard it is to meet new people i'd give you some suggestions on where or how to meet great single men but i haven't found any myself...
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-19-2003
Sun, 07-20-2003 - 7:51pm
I can definitely empathize with you for my situation is somewhat like yours. I just started stressing out whether I even want to attend my ten year high school reunion this fall. Do I need to attend another soical funtion that will remind me of my single status? btw I am going, but it's still frustrating. I am tired of being alone too but I choose to invest my energies elsewhere. I have gotten more involved in social activites, because I like to do them, not because I am looking. I keep busy which helps as well. What about your friends? Do they know of any single people that would probably be good matches for you? I was once hooked up with my best friends colleague in which we dated for over a year. We didn't stay together because he ended up leaving the state. Above all else don't give up. Shoot me an email if you like michelle3147@yahoo.com
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-16-2003
Fri, 08-08-2003 - 7:28pm
Pongo,

I totally understand what you're saying. Good luck with match.com! I'm actually dating a guy I met there. He's really nice, and things are going pretty well. I can totally relate to what you said, though. My first sexual experiences were very similar -- pretty much one-night stands. It made me feel pathetic that I hadn't had relationships of any length.

I went on a few dates with men I met on Match, and nothing happened. Don't give up on the process! Just because it hasn't happened yet, doesn't mean it isn't going to happen. Congrats on putting yourself out there! That's the first step. I don't know about you, but I don't want to go through all the hassle of dating -- I just want the relationship to just happen without any work. I just want that husband/best friend to relax at home with. Does that make sense? Dating is such a drag. I don't really go "out", so where am I supposed to meet people?

I wish you the best of luck. Know that you're not the only one in this position :)

Hillary

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 08-09-2003 - 2:23am
step one: go and make some more single friends!
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2003
Sun, 08-10-2003 - 1:04pm
Pongo,

You're definitely not the only one. I am a perpetually single person and all of my friends are now married or engaged. I am the only one in my circle that is single. It's very frustrating and very disheartening. And I will be attending several weddings this year (the first of which is in three weeks) and like you I promised I would find my self a date. But despite my efforts I'm going stag!!! People always say "it'll happen when you least expect it to; it'll happen when you're not looking, etc" but frankly I'm losing faith. I certainly don't want to bring you down but I did want you to know that there are other people out there that feel the same way and don't necessarily know how to solve the problem either. I hope you do find love and I hope that things do work out for you. Good luck and keep posting since it's always nice to know others are experienciing similar things.

Dtwgrl

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-07-2003
Sun, 08-10-2003 - 8:44pm
Hey, I can definately sympathize. To be honest, every date i have had for the last 8 months , have been from online.From personals or chat. my experience has been that they mostly have sex on their minds. I have gotten stood up alot. None of the guys were even close to my area, which made things difficult.And only 3 of them lasted more than one date. One of them , im simply crazty about, but he is 270 miles away.But Im hoping that my luck will change.Because its the only way i know of. And thats the only advice i have for u. But i wish u luck, because this really sucks.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-11-2003
Mon, 08-11-2003 - 5:22am
Hi there! You sound just like me. I have spent the majority of my life being single even though I have lots of friends and tons to offer. I am 25 and have never had a long term relationship and have never had sex. The two best relationships I've had (one and two months long) both ended with them dumping me when I needed someone the most (eg, day after I lost my job). It seems like as soon as I let my guard down in a relationship I get dumped. I have never been the one that ended any of my relationships.

This year has been especially tough because I had to move home because I can't find a

job, and although I do know a few people in this city they are all married, and it's difficult to get them to spend their prime time weekend evenings with me. A long lost single friend isn't a priority of theirs. Since I don't have a job I have no way of even meeting new people. I'm going back to school this fall but the classes I'll be taking will be filled with 18 and 19 year olds. Internet dating/personal ads are not exactly a good way to go in this town either.

Basically, I'm everything I don't want to be - an umeployed single virgin living at home. I'm someone who doesn't deal with failure well on any level and right now I've managed to fail in every way possible. The kind of man I'd be interested in is not going to be interested in someone whose life has completely derailed! I've always had to deal with the hardest times in my life on my own, and I honestly do not feel emotionally strong enough for this anymore.

The last relationship I had only lasted a month, and even though I was under enormous amounts of stress, I was truly happy. I had finally attracted someone who I was attracted to and had a great deal of respect for. We never broke up because he stopped liking me, but because the timing was bad due to both of us moving to different cities in the next month. I really fear that I'll have to wait another three years to have another month long relationship. It's gotten to the point where friends don't value each other as much anymore and I'm always left fending for myself. I've always been one to fake that smile and make the most out of being single, but there is this horrible emptiness inside of me that is just eating me alive. I have no one to turn to, I can only expect my friends to put up with this for so long, plus I can't reveal my dark deep emotions to them, and my mom isn't the kind of person I can talk to this kind of stuff either. Her solution is to just have a drink!

All in all, I really don't know how much longer I can keep going on like this. The stress gets so overwhelming and all I want is to have someone be there to give me a hug and tell me everything is going to be okay, even if it isn't true! It just seems like a vicious cycle, when I'm so unhappy like this I'm not going to be able to meet someone, and as long as I'm single I'm unhappy. I do understand the idea that you'll meet someone when you're happy about yourself, but now that I had a taste of how it feels to be happy I know that I wasn't completely happy in the past, I was just existing. To me it's like a puzzle with a piece missing - you can make out the picture but it's just not complete without the final piece.

I'll keep my fingers crossed that both of us get out of our ruts sooner than later. It's not easy living single in a world designed for couples. The only social event for me this month is - you guessed it - a wedding! I'm tagging along with a married couple, and by the sounds of things there aren't going to be very many single guys attending. That sucks, but at least I have a reason to get out of the house!

I wish you lots of luck and try to have some fun in the meantime.