Today is hard

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-17-2004
Today is hard
7
Wed, 04-11-2007 - 11:57am

I don't know why I'm having a difficult time today but I've cried a little, reminisced a lot and am just beating myself up over things, and I know I shouldn't. Once again I am feeling nauseous, I got to the office and wanted to cry but I had clients. Last night we were chatting for a little bit and then he put up his away message and then didn't talk to me the rest of the night, and that's what hurts. Before, he would at least say goodbye/goodnight....I keep thinking about things he would say, like when we talked about white water rafting and I said "I don't know, I might have a boyfriend in the summer" and he said "don't talk like that"...and just the little things, that's what I can't get rid of and that's what hurts.

I just want this to get easier...

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-01-2005
In reply to: rebainmi
Wed, 04-11-2007 - 12:11pm

I haven't been keeping tabs on the other threads, so I'm not sure of the background here. You broke up with this guy?

If so, I say the best thing for you is to cut off all contact. It makes it much easier to let go, focus on you and your needs, and eventually move on if there is not a constant reminder of him - or regular contact with him.

I know it's hard - but I honestly think that's best.

AJ, enjoying life with C.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-14-2003
In reply to: rebainmi
Wed, 04-11-2007 - 12:31pm

Directed at the OP:

I'm like tallgirlco - I haven't been keeping up with a lot of the threads but if this is indeed a breakup situation like it sounds, I agree with TGC. You absolutely need to stop talking to him. You can't heal if you keep that wound open.

I know it hurts to cut contact but that's the only way you can do it. If you have to, put a little sticky note on your computer reminding you to "JUST DON'T DO IT." He's apparently not having a problem pushing you away, is he? So if he's not sitting around mourning YOUR loss why should you mourn his?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-17-2004
In reply to: rebainmi
Wed, 04-11-2007 - 12:38pm

We're friends and things just got a little more involved then they should have, it went on for 5 months (he's the nephew of my best friends husband, he lives with them) so I see him when I go over to visit my friend, and we decided that, for the sake of the friendship, we need to take a break from the other stuff. I agree, but when you go from talking to someone every day and seeing them every weekend, to not, it's just kind of a shock to the system. He was one of my best friends, but I know that I need to have no contact with him for now so I can move on, it's just really hard sometimes. I miss my friend.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-21-2005
In reply to: rebainmi
Wed, 04-11-2007 - 1:18pm

I know you don't want to lose his friendship and that you have friends in common, but I agree with tallgirl on this one.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-21-2005
In reply to: rebainmi
Wed, 04-11-2007 - 1:22pm
When you say you both "agreed" to slow things down "for the sake of the friendship," is that really what *YOU* wanted?
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-17-2004
In reply to: rebainmi
Wed, 04-11-2007 - 1:29pm

I knew months ago that we should have slowed things down, but I pushed my feelings down because I was enjoying it so much, and that's part of the problem, I was too afraid to say something. I know it's best, and if we do want to have a friendship, this break is necessary, it's just been so long since I've cared about someone and been with someone that I forgot how much the sadness hurts, you know?

He needs to focus on his stuff right now anyway, he wants to start law school next fall, which means that for the next year and a half, he has to bust his butt to finish his undergrad, and that's his main focus right now, and I'm proud of him for that, and I just need to keep reminding myself that maybe it's just bad timing (on top of everything else).

ETA: Why does this feel like the hardest one when we weren't even dating? Everyone else insisted that we were, and yeah, I guess we kind of were, but we never called it that. I wish I was a stronger person who wasn't so easily affected by something like this, any advice on how to stop caring?




Edited 4/11/2007 1:51 pm ET by rebainmi
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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-16-2005
In reply to: rebainmi
Wed, 04-11-2007 - 2:32pm

What I would do is block him on IM that way you don't see when he's on so you won't be tempted to IM him and chat.

Then if he emails you, you can answer him in your own time. If he says "where have you been" referring to IM you can just say you've been busy and not online much. He doesn't see when your online if you block him and you don't see when he's online it helps both of you to kind of put it to bed for a little while and give you some distance. And maybe after you've healed a little you can unblock him from seeing you.

Smile,

Deirdre