Too Demanding?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-03-2006
Too Demanding?
8
Fri, 11-17-2006 - 8:35pm

Hi all,

There is a certain guy I like. We're pretty...involved, but not in a romantic way or anything. He calls me at least three times a day and/or we talk at least four or so hours every day. It's been this way since almost three months ago.

The problem is...I don't want any more friends. I don't see our friendship graduating into something more serious. If I can't have a romantic, exclusive relationship with him, then I'm really not all that interested in having him in my life.

I'm pretty sure that sounds awful, but...this guy demands all of my time (and I give it to him willingly). He also has explicitly stated that he does not want me dating or having anything at all to do, in general, with other men. He's stated also that he doesn't date other women. I believe that since he talks to me all day long.

Seems exclusive, I guess...but...it's not enough. I'm at a stage in my life where I need more than "I only talk with YOU. The only girl who comes to my house is YOU."
If he can't give me that, I wish he would just go and save me the heartache.

Is this too demanding or selfish of me?

Thanks for any advice you guys may provide.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-17-2003
Fri, 11-17-2006 - 10:12pm
Heck, I'd say HE'S the one who is being way too demanding! His request that you not associate with other men is pretty unreasonable, especially considering you're not in an intimate relationship. If he's like that when you're just friends, what would he be like if you were to take the next step? I say let him down gently and move on. Good luck!

Angie

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-03-2006
Fri, 11-17-2006 - 10:25pm

Oh, he'd be downright possessive if we were in an intimate relationship. He's already informed me of the 'rules' I would have to live with.
But...I like him quite a bit. Or maybe I'm just fed up with being all of these great things he claims I am, yet I'm still single.

Maybe I make myself too available to him. I'm here whenever he calls on me.

Thanks for your advice. I think I will be taking it.

Avatar for cfk_3
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-1999
Fri, 11-17-2006 - 11:38pm

If he's not worth your time and energy as a friend why would you want him anyway? I say, take that as a sign. Maybe you are just infatuated with him and, like you indicated, a little drunk from all of the attention? Just today I was driving home and was day dreaming about being on a Friday night date. You know, the kind with the dinner and the movie? It's been a while. So long in fact that I don't think it would take much for me to agree to go on a date, just to be going on a date. If you really respect this guy, you would want to keep him in your life, wouldn't you? If you decide you do, maybe you should meet with him face to face and ask him to define the relationship, find out where it's heading.

Edited 11/17/2006 11:41 pm ET by bbw_26




Edited 11/18/2006 12:50 am ET by bbw_26
Avatar for mhash
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Sat, 11-18-2006 - 1:57am

Rules? My take on any relationship is do what suits me and not pay attention what does not meet my needs. If you get something out of answering to his every call and adhering to his rules then do it. If you don't then don't and let him worry about if that suits his idea of friendship or not.

For me I don't associate with anyone who tells me what I should be doing or not doing. I assume that this bothers you and that is why you are posting here. Hear your words, "If I can't have a romantic, exclusive relationship with him, then I'm really not all that interested in having him in my life." Soooooo... then if that truly is the case then have the courage to keep to your word to yourself, that's integrity.

Mark

Avatar for cl_shywon
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Sat, 11-18-2006 - 9:42am

I agree with everyone else.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-03-2006
Sat, 11-18-2006 - 11:29am

Thanks everyone for your advice.

I've decided that I'll just be friends with him (I can't really not be friends with him since we are in class together). I'm a single woman who should be able to date around. If he can't deal with that, he can just leave.

Besides, he only wants a 'friends with benefits' type of relationship and I will NEVER settle for something as terrible as that.

Thank you again, you guys.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2004
Sat, 11-18-2006 - 7:05pm
Is this the same guy you talked about before who sounded like he was kind of a jerk?


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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-03-2006
Sat, 11-18-2006 - 7:34pm

LOL, you got me!

It is him.
It's just so obvious that he'll never want a serious relationship with me. He's always giving me the excuses as to why we can't be 'on front street' (as he puts it). But this guy has been engaged and has had at least three other serious girlfriend. But me? I have to be his 'secret.'
I don't think I'm the greatest girl in the world, but I'm pretty sure I don't deserve that.
I'm supposed to be okay with just being his personal, secret sextoy (We haven't had sex, but that's what he wants) for now until he's ready to get into a serious relationship with someone else. That's not okay with me.

Thanks again.