Too picky?????

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-17-2003
Too picky?????
5
Fri, 07-18-2003 - 5:03pm
Hi! I am new to this site. Just to let you know a little about myself I am 26 years old and have been single for awhile. I was dating a guy for a couple months who treated me like a princess, BUT I did not feel butterflies for him, nor did I get excited. I felt this way on the first couple dates, but I know it sometimes takes time so I continued dating him, but still not there. I feel guilty for not liking him because he didn't do anything wrong. ALL of my friends say I am too picky and just go for the bad boys. I consider myself a very attractive girl with a great personality and don't feel I should have to settle. I am at the stage in my life where I am ready to settle down, but at the same time I love going out and having a good time. Basically it is going to take the ONE for me to settle down. Did I give this guy enough of a chance....should I continue to see him??? Some people say it can take longer than a couple months. I feel I would know by now. Any opinions/advice would be greatly appreciated.

Thanks~ Sassychica :)

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-17-2003
Fri, 07-18-2003 - 5:38pm
Ya know I get that all the time "Oh you`re too picky"...Well excusseeee me for making sure I am in a positive situation/relationship! I always feel the need to defend myself when I cut it off with a "great guy". The bottom line is...if you feel that you need more of a connection...you feel you need the FEELING which we allll understand....then don`t settle.

What`s the point of wasting an extra day with a great guy who you`re just not feelin` when you could potentially run into THE ONE the same day?....I don`t know about you but I`m lovin the single life and until I am satified with the right guy- I have no intentions of slowing down!

I say Go Girl .... don`t let anyone influence the way you live your life or how you date - You`re obviously a great person - you just need to find the right one!

:) Big Smiles

- Athalia

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 07-18-2003 - 5:59pm
It sounds like you sensed that the man treated you like a princess from the perspective of insecurity or approval seeking - and that to me would be a big turn off. I have no idea why you think that being in a relationship means you can't go out and party with your friends - of course you can! For me, if the chemistry - the click - isn't there within the first 4 dates - then, NEXT - I have tried it the other way - been with wonderful men who I didn't have that za za za zoom for - and it never worked for me. Typically it was because I sensed that the man wasn't nice from a perspective of strength and confidence but from a perspective of fear and insecurity. Nothing turns me off more than a man who has the potential to be treated like a doormat - and come back for more. My guess is your friends wouldn't settle for no passion/chemistry either.
Avatar for cl_shywon
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Fri, 07-18-2003 - 8:54pm
When you meet a guy you're meant to settle down with, you won't have any of those feelings. You broke up with the last guy for a reason. Some women are too picky, but I think those are the women who are shallow and into money. You don't seem to be that way, so I think you're okay. It's much better to marry later in life than to marry young, divorce, and end up doing it all over again later anyway!

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-17-2003
Mon, 07-21-2003 - 12:15pm
Thanks Athalia!!!!

Yes people do love to make you feel guilty when you break up with a great guy. Why can't they understand that you can't make yourself feel something you don't. I will continue enjoying my single days until I meet the right one!

Thanks again for your wise advice! sassychica :)

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-19-2003
Mon, 07-21-2003 - 12:25pm
It doesn't matter how nice the man is, if he doesn't "do it" for you, then DON'T stay w/him.

I think you also have to examine your own motivations. Sometimes if you're rejected often enough, that's the kind of behavior that attracts you. That's why you have to get away from bad situations; else that becomes a new "normal" for you. After I lost 140 lbs and started dating again, I had to consciously teach myself to back off from rejecting behavior. Could that be why you want "bad boys"--b/c you don't feel you deserve a "good" man?

Stop and reflect on the last few men you've been w/, before you start a new relationship. That should tell you how you should handle things next time.

Ash