Off Topic.. (Married friends)

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2008
Off Topic.. (Married friends)
Sun, 01-13-2013 - 1:32pm

Hi everyone:

This might sound petty and jealous but I wanted to ask you guys how you feel about your married friends and all?

When I was growing up I had a best friend who lived across the street from me.. Many years ago she got married and moved to Florida with her husband and son. Well I hadnt spoken to her nor heard from her in years until last year. She found me on facebook.. Since that time we have been facebooking and chatting on the phone.. She always invites me to where she lives but since money is very tight I havent t hought about going yet..

When on facebook she chats or she calls me and she starts saying how her and her husband are doing this or that and how much fun they have and it all sounds like a great life.. Okay I am happy for her but here I sit all sad and alone hanging by a thread .. (yes that is dramatic but that is how I feel at times) Aging alone and living in a room. My friend has this nice house and garden and her life seems so great..with her house and her things and all of that and her dog...

I feel like I dont even want to talk to her anymore nor can I relate to her anymore...

It just makes me sad, mad and jealous ..




iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Sun, 01-13-2013 - 4:39pm

Most of the friends I hang out with are single just because when I'm wanting to go out somewhere on weekends, that's who is available.  The married friends are mostly the girls from high school who I don't see that much (my best friend from high school is divorced also).  My friends aren't rich or showing off but they are definitely in a much better financial situation having 2 incomes than I am.  I doubt any of them are sitting around wondering if they can pay their bills like I am.  However, money isn't the only thing.  I can give an example of one friend--both her DH & her DD had leukemia--the dad first, then the little girl.  They are both doing well now but it must have been years of stress & sadness.  And even though her DH recovered, it took a toll--she said she was so glad he got elected again to this government job because although he's a lawyer he probably couldn't handle a really stressful job--and he looks pretty old for his age.  I just think that everybody has their own stressful things, although some have more than others.  I was feeling pretty bad about myself and my finances today but at least I'm still living in my house, still have a job & not begging on the street for food, so I try to keep it allin perspective, which I know is hard sometimes.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-10-2005
Sun, 01-13-2013 - 4:37pm

I agree with CFK that the grass is always greener.  It doesn't bother me much to talk to my married friends, because I am sure that being married is just as challenging as being single.  I actually have a much harder time with a friend who has been rather "smug" lately.  She's single, so it's not about relationships, but she tends to brag about her other accomplishments (job, athletic pursuits, travel) and it's hard to be around her sometimes.  I get the feeling that she's looking down at me, not because I am single, but because I am less accomplished at the moment.

But if you are bothered by talking to your friend who is married, it might not be the right friendship for you right now.  Or perhaps you can direct the conversation towards topics that are more fun for you.  If being single bothers you, a good friend will listen to you vent about that.  If she's a good friend, don't be afraid to ask for what you need (a kind and gentle ear, or distraction, or advice...)

Avatar for cfk_3
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-1999
Sun, 01-13-2013 - 3:57pm

I'm not conveying anything that hasn't been conveyed here before but for the heck of it, I think the grass always seems a bit greener on the other side.  Nobody's life is picture perfect no matter how they may try to paint it.  I would suspect that there are times when my married friends envy my independence and even my solitude.  Most of them have elementary school aged kids now and they can't do anything on the fly any longer.  Anything they may try to plan has to be carefully choreographed with the hubby and most times, a sitter.  If I want to be absolutely selfish, I can and with little to no judgment.  Married individuals don't really have that freedom especially, if they are also parents.  Of course, there are some perks which come with both having a SO and having children so, it's not as if the envy only goes in one direction.