Totally sick of this! (m)

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Totally sick of this! (m)
7
Wed, 06-11-2003 - 11:06am
Hi everyone! How's it going? Maybe some of you can relate to this little issue I have. I am single, which right now, I love, and I'm not actively looking for a b/f right now. Mind you, if the right one came along, I would love to get to know them better, but nothing serious for me right now.

Anyways, I'm having a bit of a problem with the "wrong" guys persuing me. I think I was on this board awhile ago explaining a really persistant guy back in the winter. I haven't heard from him since I sent him an e-mail telling him I wasn't interested. Well, another one has surfaced! This guy is from my hometown, and I haven't talked to him in like years! But the thing is, he's good friends with a boyfriend of a girl I know (not really a friend, haven't talked to her in awhile either) and one day I guess my name came up so this guy went full throttle in the pursuit of me. Great.

I'm so so sorry to have to say this, but he is not attractive. He is not physically attratcive, not mentally attractive, not emotionally attractive. It all started off as him messaging me on the 'net, which I said hi to him back because I haven't talked to this guy in awhile. He then turned all crazy! I'd be in "away" mode, and he'd keep messaging me "HELLO"...."HELLO ARE YOU THERE???". This would happen EVERY time! One day, I saw him come online, and he writes back "Fine if you don't want to talk to me I will leave you alone, goodbye" Jeez, like grow up a bit here! He was acting like a 3 year old!

Then....I told a bit of a lie to get rid of him. I was in my safe "Away" mode one day, he kept asking if I was there, then finally wrote me an e-mail (obsses much??). He asked me to do something that weekend. I told him I was going to visit my boyfriend. Okay, so I shouldn't have lied, but it worked for the time being.

This is the kicker - he told me that he figured he'd ask me out because I was single and BORED. How in the heck did he know I was bored, or single for that matter???!?!?! And BORED? What is up with that? Nothing like stereotyping a single person! As soon as I told the "lie", that weekend, people he knew, and it could be him for all I know, were circling my house to see if I was home. Funny how they haven't cared about me in years, but all of a sudden!

I'm just a little angry that I guy like this, totally not my type, would come out of the woodwork. It makes me feel all gross and not attractive enough to get someone I like, but I have to settle for the desperate, wierd guys. The funny thing is I know, just by knowing what kind of people that little group is, he right now is probably calling me a snotty b*tch because I won't fall all over him. I just know they are like that towards people who reject them. Instead of recognizing how strong he came off, he will turn it into my fault, and I am the scum of the earth.

GRRR! This is one of the reasons I stay single and very busy!

Thanks for listening!

Avatar for cl_shywon
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Wed, 06-11-2003 - 11:18am
We ALL get creeps who do those things. I actually haven't had one for awhile, but back in college, it was the old men who would flirt and make suggestive comments. Ick ick ick!

My suggestion is to just ignore his IM's- block him or something. For a guy like that, ANY response, postive or negative, is reinforcement. You also need to just flat out say that you're not interested, and you won't ever be. Sounds mean, but really, being honest is better.

Good luck with him.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 06-11-2003 - 12:49pm
Yes, of course this happens! If he WAS really attractive, you would be jumping for joy. I still feel flattered when ANY guy pays that much attention to me. I have a "stalker"...and I've finally trained him to be a friend. A normal one at that! I was just BRUTALLY honest with him. Dude, showing up at my work, plopping a cafe mocha on my desk and walking out - is WEIRD! It freaks my coworkers out...you're a big guy, they are small woman and they don't know you aren't a freak. And when you do stuff like that, I wonder if you are or not as well...?

Use your communication skills to get your point across. Be clear. Be honest. If that fails, block him and delete him from your messenger...

Go.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 06-11-2003 - 5:48pm
You sound mean-spirited - why didn't you tell the guy from the get go that you weren't interested and then if needed just block his screen name - just because you didn't find him attractive doesn't mean others will not. We have what is called a choice - if someone pursues and we are not interested, we have the choice to ask that person not to and if that doesn't work, to take other measures. Have a little sympathy/empathy.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Thu, 06-12-2003 - 11:33am
Hi there!

I totally respect your opinion, but if I'm mean spirited because I don't find a certain person compatible, then so be it, I'm a nasty girl :)

There's a heck of a lot more to this story, that I just didn't have the time or typing capacity to get into.

Thanks for understanding

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 06-12-2003 - 12:20pm
No - what I thought was mean spirited was your behavior to him when you realized you weren't interested - think about it in terms of karma . . . . that you twisted my words . . .. says it all.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Thu, 06-12-2003 - 12:25pm
Okay I'll take your word for it.....don't understand the whole "karma" thing, LOL :)
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 06-12-2003 - 3:53pm
Well that's obvious. ;-)