Toxic Friends

Avatar for cl_shywon
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Toxic Friends
20
Wed, 10-10-2007 - 7:51pm

How do you get rid of them?


I am just noticing a TON of negativity being brought into my life by other people.

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Avatar for schnappsers
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: cl_shywon
Wed, 10-10-2007 - 8:35pm

You know, I called someone on negativity today too, but he wasn't being insulting to me like your friend was, but I tend to I guess take on other people's emotions, if that makes sense. If people around me are happy, I'm happy. If they're not, they drag me down.

Avatar for cl_shywon
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
In reply to: cl_shywon
Wed, 10-10-2007 - 8:58pm

I know exactly what you're talking about with the jealousy. This same coworker/"friend" of mine does the same thing.

Avatar for schnappsers
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: cl_shywon
Wed, 10-10-2007 - 9:31pm

"I honestly don't like making people feel bad, but I've got to stand up for myself!"


I think you and I are a lot alike. We take the criticism or little jabs longer than we should to avoid hurting other people.

Avatar for cl_shywon
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
In reply to: cl_shywon
Wed, 10-10-2007 - 10:29pm

My friend does the same thing

Avatar for schnappsers
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: cl_shywon
Wed, 10-10-2007 - 10:42pm

On the bright side, your landlord is responsible for replacing the value of everything you lost in the fridge. Just keep track of the approximate value and let them know you know they have to reimburse you. I doubt they'll come right out and offer.


And on another note....thanks for the tip to ignore people.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-30-2005
In reply to: cl_shywon
Thu, 10-11-2007 - 1:45am

I'm really glad you're trying to keep a positive outlook on dating and the rest, and I hope you have a wonderful vacation!


I think it's so easy to

Avatar for cl_shywon
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
In reply to: cl_shywon
Thu, 10-11-2007 - 6:49am

I did not know they are responsible for replacing everything.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-16-2005
In reply to: cl_shywon
Thu, 10-11-2007 - 8:26am

My take on Toxic Friends is you need to figure out a point in which you refuse to take their negativity anymore and decide whether or not you need them in your life.


I am one of those people for years that was a people pleaser. Until I was devastated by my exhusband cheating on me and had my best friend at the time totally abandon me when I needed her the most because she was marrying his best friend. It was a really difficult time in my life to lose someone so close to me. I had to go to counseling to really find out what was important to me and what I learned was that I didn't need negativity in my life and all it does is drag me down.


I learned to assert myself and my position and if people don't align with my vision for my future than they get left behind and if people think that's cold and mean, well I'm sorry but that's too bad.


I want positive and productive people in my life and I am very supportive and a good person to people, I am always here for my friends, but I'm not going to be a verbal and emotional punching bag for someone, I will only take so much and I'm going to ask you nicely a few times to please be so kind not to say those things to me and if you do not stop I am going to ask you nicely not to be in my life. That's going to be the end of our friendship.


I have no room for people like that in my life.


You need to learn to make boundaries with your friends and stick to them. It's very hard and it hurts sometimes to cut people out that have meant a lot to you, but it's like a huge burden lifted when you do.



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Smile,

Deirdre

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-26-2006
In reply to: cl_shywon
Thu, 10-11-2007 - 11:51am

I have a similar friend.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-01-2005
In reply to: cl_shywon
Thu, 10-11-2007 - 12:35pm
I've had to 'leave' toxic friendships before. I usually just stop accepting invitations to go out with the person in question and I limit how much contact (if any) I have with them. I had one "friend" a few years ago who would make our entire group of friends feel just awful -- not directly, but with indirect comments and implications -- much like the woman you described. She and I had been friends since we were seven years old, and I finally just stopped accepting dinner invitations and stopped returning e-mails from her. It felt so good to let go -- I was getting nothing from the friendship but a feeling of inadequacy.

To your other point about people's posts... I think people need a place to vent, much like you just did. I don't think most posters mean to be negative all the time, but the board is a good place to just yell "ARRRGGGHHH!" to the world. :) We all get frustrated with dating and relationships (or work, or not feeling attracive, etc.) , and I do think it helps to let out those frustrations in order to MOVE ON from them. I know I have done that a lot as a result of this board. After some of the venting I have done here, I honestly have been able to obsess less and be less depressed about my dating life in general.

Oh, and for the record, I am a glass half full type. I'm not sure that's totally apparent when I come here.

AJ, enjoying life with C.

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