Trouble staying single
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| Sun, 08-27-2006 - 10:29am |
Maybe this is going to sound weird, but since I was 17 I've had one relationship after the other (various lengths, most of the time a few months and twice a year and a half). And the longest I've been single has been for 3 months. But then I was still dating and seeing a few guys on and off.
Now I've decided it would be best if I'd stay single for a while, especially since I still have to work things out for myself about a guy I dated a while ago.
But somehow I find it really hard to stay single. .
I have a lot of friends that are great and I know I can count on them when I need them, I have a very busy work-schedule. So it's not that I sit around moping all the time, I get on with my life and have fun, go out with friends, but it's just not the same as having someone around all the time, someone to go home to. Someone to care for and someone who's there for you...
It doesn't bother me to be single (I'm confident that sooner or later I'll find someone) I just really miss having "someone who gives a f*** "
I miss sending a txt message before going to sleep or just having someone to tell about your day.
So what happens is, I determine that I need some time for myself after a relationship, and then random guy (nice and cute) will come along and give me attention and I'll end up dating anyway, just because it's nice to be with someone... But I'll get sick of them after a few weeks tops because most of the time they weren't even my type anyway...
Thing is that I feel I should be able to be single without craving the attention all the time and without feeling lost and neglected. (sounds real pityfull, I know ;) )
I just feel at a loss if I don't have a possible target of affection...
I know it would be best for me if I sorted things out for myself for a while and just built up my own life, but what is stopping me from doing just that?

Well it's tough...especially when you've constantly been in relationships because you've gotten used to having that extra attention all the time. So then you take that away and it feels awkward and off, which is a powerful motivator, so when that cute nice guy starts acting interested you go for it.
It's kinda like quitting a bad habit...you just have to stop, cold turkey. You're out doing your own thing with the girls, a guy starts chatting it up and flirting, you act polite but don't give your number or agree to a date when he asks. I promise that after a couple months you're yearnings will have subsided. I think it's very cool that you recognize you need to take some time away from relationships and focus on you. That's the best thing you can do for yourself and anybody you date in the future.
My first thought is that you're young- maybe still in college- simply because life was the same way for me back then.
Hmm -- trouble staying single -- maybe you can help some of us. (I did not say it in mean spirit.) I know that I need to put myself out, so I have been trying to go out more often, about 2 to 3 times a week, sometimes even on my own. But, perhaps because I am more introverted, there are times when I want nothing to do with anyone and not try hard to make friends, or have a tough time to "click" with the new friends. My small social circle is not helpful. What advice can you give me?
What do you mean when you said that you want to sort things out and build up your own life? Are there things that you want to do but have not been able to do? As far as trying to stay single, I am sure that your friends can help out a lot, like giving you more attention or some restraint when you do want to fall for a guy again. Good luck!
>>But I'll get sick of them after a few weeks tops because most of the time they weren't even my type anyway...<<
I have a friend just like you. I don't think she's been truly single since she was 16 (and we're both now 31). She has had some devastating breakups, and SHOULD have taken time after those to heal. Inevitably, in a week or two, she'll be casually dating someone new to help her "forget" the last guy, shower her with attention, etc.
The advice I would give her and the advice I'll give you is to be selective. If you're at the point in your life when you want a real connection with someone, then don't go out with the guys you know aren't your type. Don't go out with people simply because they ask (which implies the promise of attention and affection)- go because you like them and want to.
I think you'll find that attention to be much, much better coming from someone you genuinely like, versus the flavor of the day who is just taking up space in your life -- space that could leave room for someone wonderful. You never know who you might miss while you're passing the time with Johnny Come Lately.
AJ, enjoying life with C.