Trying online dating again...

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Trying online dating again...
14
Fri, 10-10-2003 - 4:51pm

So...I signed up for match yesterday...tried to pay and it "experienced difficulties" accepting my payment & it said I'd get 2 free days but I didn't! So I'm getting all these "winks" but can't email the guys. Argh. Is it just me or does every guy that emails use the annoying terms "babe", "hon", "sweetie"...I find it annoying. Plus, they all think they are good looking...and you check the pic and think HUH? I don't want to sound snobbish...but the picking seems slim to me...? What are your pet peeves about it? Your thoughts?

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Avatar for cl_shywon
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Fri, 10-10-2003 - 6:45pm

I am so glad I'm not the only one who feels like it's slim pickins!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 10-10-2003 - 8:54pm
rather than "slim pickings", i think its more a case that most guys (especially guys who use online dating services) are pretty darn clueless...?
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-05-2003
Fri, 10-10-2003 - 10:44pm
A lot of men are clueless. But I don't find that men who use online dating are more clueless than the rest of the population. Both offline and online I've been approached by men who made me wonder "What were they thinking??"

Actually, there are quite a lot of good-looking and well educated men online (at least it appears that way in their profile). For some reason only the "losers" seem to ever try and contact the ladies (or maybe just me and perhaps a few others). I'm contacted a lot by guys who are 22-ish and guys who are 48-ish (I'm 33). I get contacted by men who make me who make me wonder if they even read my profile or if they just looked a my photos. I get contacted by men who have literally nothing to say when I agree to communicate with them. I have guys who say they want to meet and then I never hear from them again. I tried initiating contact with men who did appear "normal" and I almost never hear back from them. It is frustrating but offline, I'm not meeting any men at all so for now I'm staying online. But even before I ever did online dating I still managed to encounter a fair number of clueless men.

jhoover

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 10-11-2003 - 3:58am
the reason i said they tend to be clueless is that guys who have a better understand of how to approach a woman don't need to use online services as much...


but hey, two of my best friends met their girlfriends (whom i expect them to marry) online. they've never approached a girl for the purposes of romantic interaction outside the online arena, but they're still good guys. there are certainly hidden gems to be found...

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-05-2003
Sat, 10-11-2003 - 6:59am
I suppose that a lot of shy men use online dating. They might not feel comfortable approaching women in more "conventional" manners but they still might be great catches. Or maybe their offline lifestyle makes it difficult for them to meet single women. I also believe that <> That's why I keep trying :-)

jhoover

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-07-2003
Sat, 10-11-2003 - 8:23am
"Is it just me or does every guy that emails use the annoying terms "babe", "hon", "sweetie"

Wow. Don't take this the wrong way, but for the sake of mankind I hope it's just you. I would never write back to a guy who I didn't know who called me any of those.

Anyway . . . I've actually had pretty good luck w/match.com but I sometimes think I'm in the minority here. I met my bf on match and we've been dating almost 3 months; dated several other guys for 1-2 months. I guess I had the usual pet peeves though - so many guys disappear after the first phone call, the first date, etc. But that's just part of dating, I think, and I've grown used to it. In fact, I sort of disappeared on some guys when things started getting more serious w/my bf, so I'm in no position to complain . . . :-)

Good luck! :-)

ginger

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 10-11-2003 - 1:31pm

I think thats why

Avatar for skinny42
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-12-2003
Sat, 10-11-2003 - 4:38pm
My pet peeve is this: Some guy sends me an email, I check out his profile, decide I'm not interested and don't reply. Then, he emails me again to say he's still waiting for my reply. Then, after a few more emails, he starts to get angry and tells me how stuck up I am.

Am I committing a faux pas? Am I obligated to return an email, even if it's somebody I've never met and don't want to meet?

Nini

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-07-2003
Sat, 10-11-2003 - 4:56pm
Hey Go,

LOL, I'd love to think I have it "going on," but I think really where I live has a lot to do w/it. I live in DC and there are a TON of men online here (probably true in most large cities), so there is a huge pool to choose from with all different sorts of personalities. I had to date A LOT of guys to meet the few who I've been interested enough in to go out w/more than once or twice. I've read on these boards that some people who live in smaller cities find there are very few men in their area/age bracket online (I feel sorry for you guys! :-).

Good luck w/ the guy from last night - hope he calls! :-)

ginger

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-07-2003
Sat, 10-11-2003 - 5:07pm
Hi Nini,

"Am I obligated to return an email, even if it's somebody I've never met and don't want to meet?"

NO NO NO NO NO! You are absolutely not obligated to return an email. Some people do it out of courtesy; I have occasionally but usually don't. And especially if anything about a guy's profile or email makes you uneasy at all - then, the best thing to do is not to respond. If you respond to someone like that, then you are starting a conversation. Even if you respond saying that you aren't interested, you are still talking to him. So if a guy is creepy or at all hostile/angry, my advice is to STOP WRITING immediately. That's the only way a guy like that will leave you alone. And block him from writing to you anymore.

I've gotten a few of those you-haven't-written-back-to-me emails, and in almost every case I concluded the guy had major issues. And any guy who writes an angry email to someone he's never met for not responding to his unsolicited email has a problem.

ginger

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