Ugh :P

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2008
Ugh :P
43
Sun, 09-23-2012 - 1:52am
Today has been rough. My "best" friend and I had plans for her to come over my house for lunch, but she was supposed to get back to me on the time and other details. I never heard from her. She has blown me off the last 3 times we tried to get together, and there were other issues I won't go into here, so this morning I ended our friendship. Then tonight I went to a birthday party of another friend, and I was feeling lonely so I dressed up, hoping to meet someone. But everyone at the party was either married or gay. I ended up drinking too much and leaving early to go home and wallow. I'm in the mood where I want to text every ex and tell him off. At least I didn't drink enough to do that. I did type one text, but I stopped myself right before hitting send. Ha, is it sad that I consider that evidence of my growth? Six months ago I wouldn't have been able to stop myself. Little steps of progress, I guess. I think I've been single for waaaay to long - it's making me crazy and bitter. I think I need some single friends my own age, but their hard to find. It's not like I can put a profile online or pick one up in a bar. How does one find friends as an adult, anyway?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-06-2003
In reply to: jilliansway
Sun, 09-23-2012 - 9:19am

That friend needs to be dumped.  It is hard to find friends as an adult that have alot of time to invest in a close friendship.  I have alot of friends but their availabily is limited so I take what I can get.  I've learned to go anywhere I want alone..  I've met some really interesting people that way.

Avatar for cfk_3
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-1999
In reply to: jilliansway
Sun, 09-23-2012 - 10:41am

I dumped a friend for flakiness once and never looked back.  It was one of the best decisions I ever made.  Well, but she wasn't just flaky . . . she also was super competitive and I got tired of feeling like we were frenemies. 

Like Camult, I go almost anywhere I want alone.  Movies, art galleries, antique stores, shopping, book stores, botanical gardens . . . about the only thing I refuse to do alone is dinner right at peak dinner time.  Lunch doesn't bother me because I can take a book along and if I time it right, the place isn't crowded.  Anyway, unlike Camult, I rarely make a new friend.  I get so engrossed in whatever, that I am oblivious as to what is going on around me.  Plus, I'm rather shy around strangers.  

I actually have no idea how to forge a friendship at our ages (not real sure of your age) . . . most of my friends, I've had for a decade or more.  Send some of those gays my way, LOL.  I've always wanted a gay bestie!  I know they aren't pets, they're people, but I'm being honest ;]

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
In reply to: jilliansway
Sun, 09-23-2012 - 10:56am

I think how to make friends depends on your age.  I think in one way it's easier if you're younger cause there are so many more young single people, but then when you start getting into 30's it's peak marrying time--if you hang on a while, then everybody starts getting divorced.  When I got divorced I was about 50 and it seemed like my single friends had dwindled down to 2 so I set out on a mission to find new female friends even before thinking about dating.  I joined a women's group that did different activities and it really took me almost 2 yrs to feel comfortable but I did meet some really nice women.  Only problem--most of them are married so aside from official club activities I don't really get together with them.  I think meetup groups or any group where you share a common activity is a good way to find someone.

I will do certain things alone but I kind of got sick of it too.  I'll go shopping, museum, walking around somewhere but I think if you do it too much it gets lonely.  I went to buy a gift certificate at a nice restaurant the other night and I was surprised to see a woman eating there alone reading a book, cause it's pretty upscale.  I wouldn't have the nerve to do that & I'd think twice about the expense.  When I went there with friends, my dinner (including dessert & one glass of wine) cost $50.  I'd be more inclined to be eating pizza in a food court if I was alone.  But I think if I did go alone, I might sit at the bar & at least you could talk to the bartender or hopefully other people at the bar--but who am I kidding?  I wouldn't have the nerve--I'd feel like everyone was looking at me, like why doesn't she have friends?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
In reply to: musiclover12
Sun, 09-23-2012 - 10:59am

I have a few gay men friends--and they are all in serous relationships!  Like together 30 yrs, so if  you are older, you get the gay couple best friends.  Oh and my teenage son is gay & just recently came out so he was annoyed that a girl he was kind of an acquaintance all of a sudden wants to be close friends and is jealous that he was picking out clothes for some other girls (he works in a clothing store).  He said to me "well don't you know that every girl wants a gay guy friend?"  lol

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2008
In reply to: freeatlast2008
Sun, 09-23-2012 - 11:38am

I think it is challenging to find friends but its not impossible.. I try and do a variety of things as to keep myself from not being so lonely or alone.. so if a neighbor or a friend asks me out I go as I dont want to burn that bridge.

I have two guy friends and last night we all went out to hang out and walk around and eat dinner. It was good company and we are all single so we shared single stories and we had a good time...

I also go out alone alot like cfk.. I will do walks, parks, bird watching, lunch or singles stuff and if I go alone I just attach myself to other people and talk and hang out and then I am not alone. Something I had to overcome and conquer.. I actually at times like going out alone because then I can do whatever I want.. and not be obligated to anyone.. Although it is challenging you would have to do it.. Just do it and then it gets easier. I will tell you that although it could be a bit uncomfortable the best times I had was when I would go out alone.............

Where I live there is  huge sense of community and something is always going on whether its at the town hall or library or down the block and that is really comforting to me. As I can just walk out the door and be an activity and there always lots of people around. I met some women my age one day at library and I see them often around town doing things. So when I see them I just hang out with them or go with them wherever they are going..

So you have many choices and dont forget you are your own best friend first.. (lol)

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-24-2011
In reply to: misslynn76
Sun, 09-23-2012 - 5:20pm
Music, I am curious and forgive me if it is offensive to you.

How do you feel as mother finding out that your son is gay? Have you always known or was it a shock to you?
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
In reply to: musiclover12
Sun, 09-23-2012 - 7:22pm

Well, Misslynn, it is still sinking in because he just told me recently but I'm not totally surprised.  He said to me "how didn't you know?" but he did have a GF on & off for a couple of years, but aside from that, he was not the typical boy--didn't like sports (even though his sis & I do), didn't have many guy friends, always seemed more comfortable with girls.  I think he felt it was easy to tell me because my late brother was gay & I also have gay men friends.  It was more difficult telling his father, who is kind of a macho guy, but not homophobic--but it's more difficult when it's your own child.  I am more just worried about what other people will think or if he will face prejudice.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-17-2008
In reply to: gleannfia
Sun, 09-23-2012 - 7:54pm

I have no trouble eating out alone.  Even on a Saturday night, which is not my preference because it tends to be noisy.  Otherwise, let people stare away.  If I want to go to a restuarant, I go.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-24-2011
In reply to: misslynn76
Sun, 09-23-2012 - 8:02pm

Thanks for sharing.

I used to have a gay couple as neighbours until they sold the house and moved away early this year. I missed them.

One of the guys' parents are very accepting of their relationship and comes around to help with repairs to the house. The other guys parents are more religious and is not accepting his choice. This guy told  me he used to date girls and even got married and had 2 kids. In the end he couldn't hide it anymore.

Your son is very fortunate to have such an understanding and supportive Mom.

Avatar for cfk_3
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-1999
In reply to: cfk_3
Mon, 09-24-2012 - 8:14am
Just wanted to second what Lynn "said" Music ;]

Gleannfia, I wish I had your cojones! I guess I just don't know what to do with myself if I'm not actively eating. If I'm reading, it's not a problem. Do you sit there and look contemplative? Do you people watch? Make conversation with the waitstaff? I find it awkward.

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