Ugh why did I bother?

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-03-2009
Ugh why did I bother?
28
Thu, 11-08-2012 - 3:52pm

Before I get to my question/rant/comment/whatever let me just say that I hope all the East Coasters and their loved ones are hanging in there during this next round of storms.

 

So I decided to give online dating a try again.  Every new single chick friend I worked to hard to spend the last year meeting met some dude online and has disappeared.  *sigh*  So there must be good ones hiding right?  I've tried every other viable option to meet someone anyway so I might as well give online dating another go.

Guy #1 was definitely an eager beaver right out the gate.  He made a really nice introduction and then closed with asking for a date.  That's weird right?  Yeah I thought so.  I was trying to give him the benefit of the doubt and replied clearly attempting to get to know him better and indicating that we could wait a bit on a date.  He didn't even know my name yet lol.  Then he proceeded to send several emails each only a few minutes apart asking when we were going to go out, if I was ok with xyz place, if time a was better than time b for me, etc.  Wow creepy.  I just hit delete and put him out of my mind.  Then a few days later he emails asking what happened and what made me stop talking with him?  I opted to honestly (yet politely) answer his question to which he responded saying he appreciated that info and wished me luck in my search.  A nice ending to a creepy start with an early 30s guy.

Guy #2 appears to have limited conversational skills and uses his emails to talk at me in brief sentences rather than talk to me.  He didn't bother to even learn my name, but asked me out for a drink.  I declined his drink offer, to which he countered with dinner and asked for my name.  Trying hard not to be judgemental I chalked it up to general nerves/awkwardness and made a light joke out of the name thing.  Then I provided my number and suggested we actually try talking (note I said talking, not texting) and go from there.  Simple enough right?  So then yesterday I get a few weird text messages blabbering on about mundane things like running errands, exercising, and general nonsense.  I had no idea who they were from since no name or intro was provided, I didn't know the number, and the city that number is from is one I don't go to and don't know anyone from so I ignored them figuring they were sent in error.  Then this guy sends me an email today saying he tried texting me yesterday and didn't hear from me.  I guess he's the mystery weirdo lol.  I'm torn between pointing out his idiocy and just hitting delete.  He's in his early 30s so there really isn't an excuse for poor communication skills, but for now I'm simply doing nothing until my annoyance subsides. 

Guy #3 is also in his early 30s and his email conversation is good.  We seem to have plenty in common and he's cute so I figured things were going to progress.  So his next email asks if I'd like to move from emailing to texting.  Huh?  Ok now I get that I have made plenty of rants on here about how I loathe texting and I don't give a rats rear that it is all the rage so I'll refrain from getting on that soapbox.  I will however say this.  Texting is not a move forward from emailing, it is a lateral move.  It is essentially the same impersonal communication style with a ridiculously small character limit.  Ok end rant, soapbox not needed.  I just replied saying I wasn't much of a texter, but he was welcome to call me sometime and provided my number.  I fully expected to never hear from this guy so I put him out of my mind.  Then he emails going on about how he never calls anyone because he thinks texting is easier.  Ok that's fine and I didn't bother replying.  Then he later sends me a text (seriously?!) saying he knows I'm not a texter, but he wanted to say hi and hopes to hear from me.  *eye roll*  Again I'm waiting for my annoyance to subside before deciding what to do if anything. 

Guy #4 is in his mid 30s and our email chatter went so well he actually asked for my number and called.  Thank heavens, one of them gets it.  Things continued to go well and he asked me on a date.  An actual date, not out for a drink or coffee, but a proper date.  After getting myself all foxy I'm on my way to meet him thinking oh heavens if he's ambitious and has old fashioned manners I'll marry him on the spot.  So the date starts out good and there are indeed old fashioned manners.   Then I'm halfway through my entree and he drops this oh-by-the-way-I-have-a-16yo-kid bomb.  Huh?  Ok I get that some guys in their mid 30s will have kids, but I wasn't expecting teenagers.  While I don't desire a single dad it was nice to hear that he is an active parent even though the kid doesn't live with him.  He even made a comment about women always writing him off when they find out he has a kid without learning that his kid is nearly an adult and he a healthy relationship with his ex.  That made me feel a bit guilty so I didn't make a run for it lol.  Then I learned that he has zero career ambition.  He has made it by all these years hopping from job to job, many of which are not well paying and are often seasonal.  Now I get that he works as much as he has to in order to support his kid and I think that is great, but my issue is that he doesn't have a desire for anything more.  He even described himself as the kind of person who has all these great ideas on jobs/businesses that he'd be great at, but he has no follow through.  He's totally fine just getting by.  I'm flabbergasted, but he's totally in his right to stay that way.  There will not be a second date however.   

Then of course there are dozens of other early to mid 30s guys emailing cheesy one liners, trying to get laid, sending messages so poorly spelled I can't read them, and just making stupid comments in general.  I get that dating is tough at any age, but I swear guys were not this socially inept when I was a 20something.  If this is really what's left for me at 30 the only option left is going to be to hire a male escort to take me to events (no not for sex!) and go places with.  If I'm paying them I can demand that they not text, have old fashioned manners, and only say smart things right?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-03-2009
Thu, 11-08-2012 - 10:17pm
Yep Music I've pondered much of that off and on as texting became more common. I get that sometimes its convenient especially if all you need to say is that you're running late or something. My mom texts me like a dozen times a day and it is always nonsense. I usually don't even read them until several days later because if its something important she'd call. We talk via phone or in person several times a week so why she texts at all is beyond me. The whole lets-get-to-know-each-other-via texting just comes off as lazy to me. So you can't be bothered to actually talk to me then what the heck are we going to do on a date? Sit across from each other texting? *eye roll* I am ok compromising to some extent on the texting issue if he's willing to put in the effort to call more often. That to me would be a reasonable compromise, but me having to just settle for having entire conversations via texting is just that... settling. Now a new guy, Guy #5 also early 30s, did something interesting. He emailed asking for my number after some email chatter, then he sent a text asking when a good time to call would be. That makes complete sense because he doesn't want to interrupt something I'm doing or catch me at a bad time. So I replied via text with a window of opportunity for him to call so that seems promising.
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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Thu, 11-08-2012 - 9:25pm

Well at least you are getting contacted.  It's way worse over 50.  I'm in my 2nd month of the 3 months that I signed up for & I won't sign up again.  I haven't been contacted by anyone--unless you count a couple of winks that I got when I first signed up, which I think were from guys too far away.  I have emailed a bunch of guys too & haven't heard back from anyone.  So it's too frustrating.

I have mixed feelings about not wanting to text--I'm not fond of texting for entire conversations either.  But then again, that's what people like to do nowadays.  I had a convo by text w/ my DD on election night about the election.  If the guy could otherwise have potential, do you think it would be worth it to put up w/ texting for a short time, with the purpose of trying to move onto meeting quickly?  You know, there aren't that many guys to choose from.  But then again, if they don't listen to you on texting, they might ignore other things--it's really hard to tell.  That's why I'm torn. 

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-1999
Thu, 11-08-2012 - 7:43pm
It is interesting to learn what are deal breakers for some people, that's for sure and I agree, I am way pickier at 39 than I was at 19 or even 29.
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Community Leader
Registered: 01-25-2010
Thu, 11-08-2012 - 7:23pm

ROFL!   Everyone has these problems.  Most of them are US!!  We are the problem.  We want x,y,z,v and expect everyone to fall in our bucket list and it is not happining!!   When we were in or early adolescence ,/early adulthood we were less picky or these concerns did not exist. 

   Now they do.  It is US that have to change not "them".  One can always find fault with everyone else.  But in the end we have to make comprimises or be left on the shelf.

Goldfish

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-03-2009
Thu, 11-08-2012 - 6:36pm
lmao!
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Community Leader
Registered: 07-16-2001
Thu, 11-08-2012 - 6:34pm
I think I'd send a "who is this and why are you texting my husband" reply. That'd make him leave you alone!
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-03-2009
Thu, 11-08-2012 - 6:30pm
Guy #2 is still sending weirdo messages today without any attempt at identifying himself. So I'm guessing its him based on his email saying he hadn't heard from me, but really why would you text someone and just start talking? We don't actually know each other aside from a few brief emails. *eye roll*
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Community Leader
Registered: 07-16-2001
Thu, 11-08-2012 - 6:18pm
That's exactly why I won't go back to online dating. It's just so frustrating! I have no problem texting a question or having a short exchange, but I hate having whole conversations that way. Obviously that guy was not listening to you...and you hadn't even spoken yet!

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